Today started off just like every other day. Pretty normal, rushed to do my breakfast on the kitchen counter while glancing at the clock displayed on my cracked screen phone, which sometimes it crossed my mind to change this baby to a new Samsung S8, my forever crush – but that would cost me nearly 5k, which is a big, bold No No for now. I would rather use the money to travel or whatsoever, but anyway, breakfast went well. I walked out quite early remembering all of my unfinished tasks in the office. I tried to finish it last night but Fizah kept sitting beside me, observing every single movement I made on my laptop. Lol.
Then, weird things started to happen.
–When I was walking, I realised I forgot my water bottle (if you know me, water bottle is like my twin, so me forgetting it, seemed..kinda unusual) . Not just that, I also forgot my charger and my wireless headphone started to beep; showing its flat battery. So, it was a silent walk, without music. Beautiful morning nonetheless.
–KC, my Manager emailed me yesterday that Christine, the Marketing Manager wanted to observe me doing my work. She is in Marketing, I couldn’t fathom why she needs to know about my work, but anyway I agreed. Who am I to disagree with KC? It would be a futile argument if I protest. We agreed that she will sit beside me starting from 10 am.
It was 10 am and she didn’t show up. I went to her place and confidently asked “Christine, it’s 10 am, you are going to sit beside me, right?”, Then she looked kinda blur..and YZ in front of her seat said “Erm, I think Christine went to the Singapore office for a training today”. I looked at Christine (as in my assumption)..and realized she is not Christine! I mistook her as Christine because their figure and all are seriously alike. I know Christine, and even talked to her some time ago. Then, I replied “Ouh really? I thought she will have a session with me? How come she went to Singapore?”, then I just thanked them and walked to my desk. I was so embarrassed, why I mistook Joanna as Christine. Shame!
–I sat on my chair and emailed KC about the matter. I replied with something like “YZ informed me that Christine went to Singapore, maybe we can arrange some other time when she’s back”. Confident. Sent.
–It just happened that I re-read her email, and guess what; it supposed to be on this coming Friday. Not freaking today. What I was hassling about? Then I sent the email back to KC telling her that I thought it is today. Double shame.
I mean, what’s wrong with me? Things couldn’t get weirder than this!
..and this earl grey tea to calm me down. Still can’t move on.
An hour to go before lunch.
I am getting hungry faster these few days (pi-em-es) and by feeling hungry, I can’t focus on anything (work, obviously) and went back and forth to the pantry to find some snacks. Someone put a box of Black Earl Grey Tea and I decided to try.
Not a fan of Earl Grey Tea because well, it’s expensive and I seldom try one. But after I tried the black tea, I fell in love with the fragrance and it has a beautiful tea essence if you get what I mean. Even without sugar (I rarely drink tea with sugar) it tastes perfectly nice! So nice that I think I will grab a box if I find it anywhere.
While waiting for lunch, I feast on biscuits while reading Quora.
In the meanwhile, I just can’t wait to see AB. Missing him since the entire time. 3 days away and why am I nervous?
Hey, morning. Thursday morning and I can smell the sweet weekend already!
I put this little blog under private at the moment because I’m still the same person (surprisingly after so many years) who obviously still feel kinda insecure and suffocate and confuse about stuffs that shouldn’t make me so. I hid this blog temporarily because just like the blog, I feel the same. I want to hide from everything for now. Until it heals. Until I am able to unlock the bitterness and numbness of my little, poor heart.
I know it’s immature but whatever.
This week has been so hectic. Too much things to do within short times. Felt like I almost lost my grip but I left with no choice but to continue hanging on. Passed my job evaluation and we are now in a new fiscal year. A memo sent by our Country Manager saying that our salary will only be deposited at the last day of the month starting this month pissed me off quite badly. I am disappointed and even raised this issue during my job evaluation. And my Manager calmly replied with “So, you have to control to avoid overspending”. I was like, don’t teach me on this, lady. She continued, “..but that doesn’t mean you wanna resign, right?”.
Well, I can’t really say it.
Manager gave a few feedbacks on my performance along my working period and asked me if I have any more things to raised up. The fact that she didn’t treat me fair enough few months back – the thought was just lingered around at the back of my mind alas it never passed my mouth. I knew she was trying to give N chance but why everytime when it comes to me, she treated me as if I am capable of everything in the world? I mean, giving people so many chances in certain things but still no change or improvement, what’s the damn point?
And the event things, you know it will be happening in coming August, just why on earth you didn’t highlight the tasks at the very early stage? Now it’s 2 weeks away and it is such a big mess when you push us to get the number up. With the crazy client’s enquiries piling up on me, and increasing of my target shortfalls daily, I just can’t wait for all these things to end. Not sure if I can walk out alive after all the storms ended.
Paid my roadtax and I am literally broke now. Haha! Iriz is now a year plus already and to be honest, owning a car this fast had never crossed my mind after I graduated. I was kind of person who used to believe I should buy a house first, then a car. But I realised it is not easy and I couldn’t imagine living without transportation. So, whatever. Car first, house later. Car is a need, not a “want” anymore in this 21st century.
Fizah is taking care of me like a baby, really. Everyday, she will ask me what I want to eat (she wants to cook & eat with me, using most of her groceries, leaving mine unused) and if I come home late, she will ask my whereabouts. She told me she is happy being with me. I am happy too, but sometimes it is tiring.
I am glad when someone finds me comforting to be around. She really feed me well. I remembered she always cook me dishes with cockles just because she knew it is my fav! She has been too kind and I have no idea what I’d done to deserve that kind of treat. But still, sometimes I found it “restricted” if you know what I mean.
Even with all the chaos, I still find myself feeling lonely. It is never wrong to admit that you’re lonely because its legit. It is not a low self esteem, nope. Not even pathetic. Loneliness is real and I kinda tired of being lonely. Me too longing for someone to lean on during good and bad times, to listen to all what I’ve got to rant at the end of my day. So, yeah. Even with all the luxuries Adam had back then in the Jannah, he still felt incomplete without his Eve.
With that, I think this is the longest post in this month (or in this year?).
Sleepy but still wide awake, fresh. I am nervous thinking about my upcoming job evaluation. I know KC will come to me very soon and surprise me with my evaluation date. Submitted my form that is full of myself. I have to write good good things about myself and needless to say it is quite some pages. I am good at this just so you know.
I hope to deliver the best and be the best version of myself during the evaluation. I really hope things will go very well because I need my salary increment so bad. Ok I’m materialistic a bit but whatever, I believe I’ll excel!
Ok. Enough Izni, try to sleep. Calm down the butterflies in your stomach and dive deep into your dreams. Night!
p.s – Exactly 15 days left. I am nervous for that too!
I walked briskly to work after a week plus sabbatical; with my favorite red headphone on, played ‘Sad Song’ by We The Kings. I could never get enough with the song to be honest, so I kinda nominated the song as my walk-to-work song, after Coldplay’s, of course. Gloomy weather and damp ground in the morning couldn’t set my ‘working’ mindset just yet. My mind keeps wandering around event by event. Needless to say, another part of me has already longing for the next weekend. Perfect morning like this has never meant to work ; silent, futile protest of mine roared from deep core of myself.
All of my 3 roommates had already moved out before Eid and last night, I came home to a new set of roommates. My dream to have at least a month of no-roommate-period obviously crushed down to pieces since I was told the area where I am living at is one of the hotspots around here. Once the vacant room / space are being advertised, people are hunting after it. So, yeah, 3 new roommates for me until further change. Privacy is still in my biggest wish list nonetheless, but let’s keep it for later, perhaps when I have enough bucks to afford the spiking, crazy price of single room / apartment around here.
This time, all of my roommates are Northern peeps! We speak our slang well, and it almost feels like home. So far, I believe they are all nice and have a decent attitude. Due to my seniority, I took the chance to brief on the room’s rule. Lol. Nothing much, it is all focusing on our light-off time since I’m very particular about this and luckily we shared the same genes on sleeping pattern. Once we achieved that mutual agreement, practically we are good to live together.
Working mood is still nowhere to be found especially when I came to office just to find out our main air cond isn’t functioning! It is warm in an unfavourable way. So, I just read my mails (300 in my personal’s) and few mails from clients which I don’t feel like replying in work’s ; and typing this for a good one hour. I missed several interesting topics in Quora, which I would like to catch up after posting this.
I’m trying to get back my green-tea-drinking-pattern after a week plus of drinking and eating SUGAR. In the meanwhile, let’s patiently wait for the upcoming weekend. Miss my bed already.
So, eid for me literally has ended with this very last feast in our neighborhood just now. I am so done with eating, really. I believed I gained some kilos from these 6 days’ eating activities! No regret though, foods were superb, irresistible! (Now let’s think on how to shed the kilos, ugh).
I’ll have to head back to PJ tomorrow morning to resume whatever things I’d left there. That means, work, work and work and breath in between. My overdue car roadtax and employee evaluation are waiting for me when I’m back. Need to work harder. I don’t know where it leads me to, but let’s just work harder.
After a few years of not having an open house, we (mom, initially) planned to make it a little bigger this time, and we were busy and worn out like no one’s business, that we came to an agreement – if any one of us wanna get married, we will have it somewhere else like in a public hall or hotel or wherever, as long as not in our sweet home.
Unavoidable question during eid – am I going to get married soon? Yeah, soon I answered. Whatever.
Met a few close friends and families, such a good time to catch up with them . The rest, let’s pictures do the talking. No food pictures since well, you know I don’t snap pic when I’m hungry (and am always hungry lol).
My favourite photo – Us three with our beloved moms. I love both of them dearly, always in my prayers.
Ok. Cheeky me. Lets skip this picture.
These 2 people who deadly wanna meet me after 2 years! We met and had some good laughs.
So that’s all. Still lotsss of pic in my phone gallery and I’m so lazy to upload here. I had a blast and blessed to have beloved family around. Just that,..nevermind. Hope your eid as cheerful as mine.