Personal

Bismillah.

Broke my self-contract. Bought an umbrella today. It was not planned and I hate holding and keep thinking where I placed my umbrella etc. So, nature win.Fine.

See some improvements in Kak Mila. So, I figured out a strategy that might work out. I should learn and do the exercises before the class start. So, during the class, I can spend more time in teaching and guiding her. I understand,  it was really hard for her to catch up the rhythm. But she will do fine, hopefully.

Holidays. This week was like a centre point of storm. Before the sampling date, I am really have no idea about what to do. Assignments ; yes it is compulsory.  But, is there’s anything that’s more fun and refreshing? Routine -getting sick of it.

My first-married-bestfriend called me. Asking when I will get marry. Haha. I’m struggling in corcerning and arranging my own messy life and she asked me to care for another’s life?

Miss her a lot. She seldomly in touch with me since then.

 

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storm passed

Aside
Uncategorized

mood

It is annoying and irritating me.  

Or maybe my mood should be blame on. But really, I couldn’t stand it any longer. World is so noisy and busy. Get enough of it. Should shut off my mind and immersed to the infinity dream world. No, tonight I dont want any dream.I just want to stare at the dark until I fall far asleep.

Far from this irritating dusty world.

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CERPEN

Pulau yang Tenggelam : 1

Pukul satu tengah hari.

Jalan raya yang berada dihadapan aku ini semakin sesak. Jam tangan silver di pergelangan tanganku itu aku kerling sambil melihat kalau-kalau ada peluang untuk aku berlari melintas. Ah! Sudah lambat! Manik-manik peluh mula memercik ke sebahagian mukaku. Kemeja yang aku pakai basah lencun dek peluh. Terpaksa juga aku berjalan untuk menaiki jejantas yang letaknya agak jauh kehadapan.

Sure aku kena reject,ni! Dah la datang interview lambat! Damn la.

Eh, dah kenapa budak tu? Aku tidak jadi melangkah ke jejantas. Mataku menangkap sosok seorang  budak perempuan yang aku pasti beliau mungkin ialah pelajar sekolah rendah.

Budak itu mengangkat tangan di tepi jalan raya yang sesak.

Gila!

Aku menggeleng kepala. Buat dia accident dekat situ,siapa nak jadi saksi? Aku jugak. Niat mahu melangkah ke jejantas itu aku batalkan.

“Adik! Adik!”, aku memanggil budak itu. Mungkin disebabkan jalan raya yang sesak, dia tidak dapat mendengar suaraku.

Aku menyentuh bahunya. “Adik!”

Budak perempuan itu menoleh kearahku sambil tersenyum. “Ye,bang!”,sengih lagi. Tangannya tidak lagi diturunkan.

Senyuman budak-budak. Senang hatiku bila melihat senyuman nya. Seperti ada satu perasaan nyaman dalam hatiku.

“Adik nak ke mana? Bahaya ni..jejantas kan ada?”,aku mengangkat kening. Mungkin adik ini bukanlah seorang yang penyabar sepertiku untuk berjalan menuju jejantas yang agak jauh itu.

“Abang pergilah.Saya sedang buat ujikaji ni..”

“Hah. Eksperimen apa pulak ni”

“Saya nak tengok siapa yang akan berhenti. Pasti akan ada orang yang berhenti untuk bagi saya melintas!”,yakin budak itu jawab.

“Tak mungkinlah,dik! Zaman ni ialah zaman yang masing-masing buat hal sendiri. Kalau macam ni,sampai esok pun adik tak dapat melintas. Jom jalan ke jejantas depan tu”, ajak aku sambil menjuihkan bibirku ke arah jejantas itu.

“Bubu cakap akan ada orang baik”,budak itu membalas. Masih tidak berganjak.

Aku menoleh kearah budak itu.Menyesal pulak aku tegur budak psiko ni.

“Bubu mana ni?”, Ibu adik ye?”,aku berusaha untuk memahami apa yang budak comel itu cakap.

“Tak..Bubu..Bubu dah masuk dalam laut..”

Ok. Aku rasa budak ni dah ke laut. Adeh.

“Ok lah adik, abang nak kena cepat ni,abang jalan dulu ye.Hati-hati!”aku menepuk nepuk bahu budak itu.

Tidak sempat aku menoleh,budak itu berkata lagi,”Bubu cakap dalam dunia ini tak semua yang jahat. Cuma..Cuma yang jahat itu menguasai dunia dan yang baik duduk terpendam, jauh dari manusia. Macam Bubu..Bubu jauhhh” Adik itu kelihatan berduka. Ada kolam yang bertakung dalam mata bundarnya itu.

Menarik jugak cerIta Bubu ni..Alah, alang-alang dah lambat, baik aku layan je adik ni.

“Siapa ambil adik?”,baju kurung sekolah yang dipakainya itu memberi tanda bahawa dia baru pulang daripada sekolah.

Adik itu menggeleng. “Nenek suruh Asiah jalan sendiri. Hari ini nenek ada kenduri”,Jawab budak itu.

“Oh. Namanya ialah Asiah. Berani budak ni, macam Asiah srikandi Islam”,Hatiku terdetik

***

 “Siapa Bubu?”, aku mula bertanya. Asiah yang sedang khusyuk menjilat aiskrim keladi yang aku belanja itu mengangkat mukanya. Comot.

Tisu ditanganku itu aku lap kan sekitar bibir Asiah sebelum dia terus menjilat aiskrim itu lagi,dan kembali comot. Budak-budak..aku tersenyum.

Aku pun pernah jadi budak-budak,tapi..tak berpeluang makan aiskrim macam ni. Aku mula teringatkan kenangan silamku. Pedih,sedikit.

“Takkan abang tak kenal Bubu? Hmm..diorang panggil Bubu..Bubu the Black.Takkan abang tak kenal?”,Asiah menyoalku.

Bubu the Black?” “Diorang?”

Asiah mengangguk-angguk laju.

Dan aku menggeleng perlahan. “Tak..abang tak kenal” Keningku diangkat.

“Oh! Asiah tahu kenapa!”

“Hari tu, mungkin Bubu pulang lepas bertelur. Nanti Bubu datang balik! Bawak anak nya pulang. Tapi,kalau anaknya masih hidup la..”,Wajah ceria Asiah sebentar tadi bertukar muram.

“Oh..”,aku buat-buat faham.

“Abang nak jumpa dengan Bubu,boleh?”aku bertanya. Perasaan ingin tahuku membuak. Nak kata budak dihadapanku ini tidak betul, wajahnya nampak macam budak bijak.

“Boleh,memang Bubu nak jumpa dengan manusia!”

Manusia? Maksudnya..Bubu bukanlah manusia? Analisis yang aku kira tepat.

“Asiah!”

Kami berdua tersentak mendengarkan suara yang agak kuat.

“Nenek risau Asiah hilang,tadi. Lambat betul sampai rumah?”,Wanita yang lebih daripada separuh abad dihadapan kami itu kelihatan risau. Mungkin beliau ialah nenek Asiah.

“Tak lah nek..Abang nak jumpa dengan Bubu”,kata Asiah dengan ceria sambil jari telunjukknya menunjukkan kearah aku. Muka neneknya berubah. Seperti tidak senang.

“Kamu percaya Bubu?”,Nenek Asiah itu menyoalku. Jika tadi suara nenek itu agak kuat,kini suaranya seolah-olah berbisik kepadaku.

“Em,Em..Ya..percaya”,aku menjawab.

“Kamu..”,nenek yang tak dimamah usia itu menunjuk kearahku sambil mengerutkan dahinya sedikit.

“Oh..ya. Saya Absyar. Absyar Syakir”, aku tahu gaya nenek itu ingin menanyakan “siapa aku”. Aku tersengih.

“Oh. Absyar..datanglah rumah esok.Lagipun,esok kan cuti minggu?”,dengan ramah, nenek itu mempelawaku.  “Terima kasih sebab jaga Asiah tadi,ye?”,nenek itu berkata lagi.

“Takde apalah nek,lagipun kebetulan je saya lalu sini. Erm,rumah nenek di mana?”,aku bertanya. Masakan hendak kerumah beliau,sedangkan rumahnya pun aku tidak tahu.

“Iyalah,nenek lupa nak beritahu”,nenek itu tersenyum simpul. “Betul-betul depan Pantai Kristal, rumah yang ada bumbung warna ungu tu..haaa yang tulah rumah nenek. Kalau tak jumpa..tanya orang rumah Nek Ja. Semua orang kenal”,Nenek itu berceloteh lagi. Mesra.

Rumah depan pantai! Oh my. Itu heaven.

“Bubu? Siapa Bubu?”persoalan itu berlegar-legar sekitar kotak mindaku.

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Pulau yang Tenggelam : 2

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Personal, Study

d-day

Bismillah.

Alhamdulillah. My presentation went smoothly and I was not expected to deliver my speech that fluent. I thought I will be smashed in all bad ways. My supervisor satisfied enough and the bonus mark is that I can use advanced microscope!

It’s like a dream come true since I am too obsess about the large,advance microscope like SEM and TEM. Thanks Dr Lim Po Teen for the great suggestion and permission. He was the one that convinced my supervisor to allow me to do that.

So,enough of the story. Today I will have another two tests and right after that, I just want to sleep and rest.

“d-day” is pointed to pancasara 😀

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Personal

First half

Bismillah.

Finally the day had arrived. Today marked the first day of our batch’s final year proposal presentation. Time really flies,felt like yesterday I ‘checked in’ into Aquatic field. The room made its own crowd just now with most of the seniors and juniors made their way to our presentation’s place. What a huge warm supports. Lecturers’ expectation on our batch is unexplainable. They often said that we are the best batch among others and I was not really sure what made them think so. Maybe because majority of us applied Medic in UNIMAS (haha) during UPU session and turn up being chose to live in Aquatic environment.

Mom voiced out how important for me to express my confidence.Plus her evergreen advice to take up some medicine. No need that mom, I’m recovered. Nearly.

I will keep my self thinking that everything is easy and with the benchmark given by the fellas during the presentation just now, I know I should not bring it lower.

model of the day. my supervisor. :D

model of the day. My supervisor. 😀

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Personal

stop

Bismillah.

Can’t eat solid things! This ulcer kill me. Hope all these sore bring up something. Praying so that I can present fluently this Tuesday.

Tasmania.

Turkey.

Otago.

Am I dreaming too early? haha

Like I care?

Enough of this little stop. I’m doing my final touch on those slides 🙂

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Thoughts

Discussion

Bismillah.

Alhamdulillah, Allah planned for me to attend an event called Daurah Sarawak today. The talk is fully given by Ustaz Mohd Hazizi, a guest speaker. The event focused on three main things that are :

  1. Liberalism Threat on Muslims
  2. Americanisation on World of Islam
  3. Muqawwamat Islami – Syed Qutb’s book

It was a broad interactive discussion and to fully covered on everything including counting on different opinion and current issues; one day is barely not enough.

Learnt about some words that I never know the exact meaning of them before. They are Liberalism, Liberalistic Muslim, Humanism, Americanisation, Pragmatism, Socialism and Moderate Muslim. Now, the definition had become clearer and each of them is actually a group planned-party that imposed those behaviour, with their particular intention. Some of the groups is being ‘used’ by a particular Western organisation to see Islam fall since they have no direct power to ‘touch’ Islam. One and only way is through lifestyles and ideology (which everybody knows). Group of liberalism is one of them.

Liberalism is something that is unseen. It is not like Freemason or Illuminati which grow with activities by activities. Liberalism propagate with absorption of particular way of thinking (soft power). The way they think is too open and being individually-focused, not like Socialism which focused on their whole society like Soviet Union. Liberalism is a ‘poison’ which kill Muslims slowly, it does not affect us physically. To identify who is liberalistic type, there are several characteristics. *some of us may become a liberalistic, but he/she may not notice*

  1. Support westernised democracy which fight for TOTAL freedom. Freedom here is referring to freedom of changing religion, voice out everything, free lifestyle, no regulation on misbehaviour and things like that. They want everything become a personal matter,without any third hand in.
  2. Seeking Islamic knowledge without refer to Mazhabs’ Scholars. They define the knowledge by themselves and accept what is logic and reject what seems irrational.
  3. Against syariah. For them, religion is universal. Everything and everyone is the same, regardless what religion he/she is. This is due to their thought of one’s religion is their personal thing, no interruption.

Islam is not a personal thing, it needs to be shared and act upon because it is a source of soul peace and a true way of life. Which religion ever focus on tiny tiny matter like how to enter to the toilet, how to start a conservation, everything that we, Muslims do is already beautifully ordered. Allah create Islam and HE doesn’t leave us.

Americanisation. It is simply means to lose out one’s identity and become one. Become same, whatever genetic or ethnic you are. It is described as “melting pot”. Whoever enters America and become its citizen, it is called American, and doesn’t recognise based on their religion or ethnicity. Like, Malaysian without saying which one is Malay, Indian or Chinese. It is good at a side, like strength of the community but, the identity itself is “melted”. Seriously?

Much more things to write on, but I think that is the focus topic that had been discussed. To sum up everything, our personal stand is very count. We have to know what we really are, which is wrong and which is right. If we lose our stand, then you is a loser. You lose to the seductive world and started to immerse in it.

How to build a barrier towards Liberalism?

  •  Refer to the RIGHT person (The right person for you may not right. Find an authorise and siqah scholars)
  • Don’t refer to LOGICITY only. Islam is true even it doesn’t seems logic. Like Isra’ Mikraj. Because for you, it is not logic and unacceptable to your mind. But, for Allah ; you know..it is a small matter. Exalted HE is.

Praying that Allah keep us faith stands 🙂

Love this picture personally. It live on death and it dies on life.

Love this picture personally. “It live on death and it dies on life”.

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Personal

“motivitamin”

Bismillah.

Like reaching out from a dark pitch tunnel, finally I can write again after a series of problem in loading this blog. Wonder what is actually happened.

Today is like a huge revelation. Revelation of uncertainty decision and whatever things that keep haunted me silently. I received a chronologies of motivational talks today and that was really made myself revitalize.

Started when I accompanied my friend to meet her mentor, Prof Shabdin. Apart of his hometown is Kedah, he is charming in his own style. I mean, not physically but in his words of wisdom. The way he talks and how he advices and motivates his students is enough to put him on top of the role model list. He truly is, indeed. At least, for me.

After their mentor-mentee session and after my long time silent in a chair at the corner, finally I took apart in the conversation. Then, it was when Prof Shabdin started to give his golden story and words. I can’t resist any story of him. They are worth to listen, like forever. How I wish to put them on a tape and re-listen it whenever I feel down.

He told us about his sweet and savoury life, especially when he was doing his master and phD. It makes me amused listening to his story and I left his room with a thought of “See? Allah already planned us a worth – riding journey”. All the problems, painful events that ever happened in our life is actually a seed. A fruitful seed that make us grow and be better. Whenever you is being scolded, isolated, hated, condemned, and thousands more things that made you pissed off, just keep in calm. I once looked down at the power of “Keep Calm” (clumsy me), until recently I tried to understand the meaning beyond the word.

It really is. Keep calm has power and know what? We can’t really solve our problem by keep thinking about it. It never been solved in that way. First thing first, you need to relocate your focus and try to “switch off” your brain. That’s all what we need. To relocate our focus, then it comes to the power of remembrance of Allah. That is the ultimate focus that we should give to.

Everything is a test and who give the test?

Switch off the brain is actually “sleep”. Prof said that one of his friend can’t even fall asleep at night due to his endless working mind. I am included into the zone, sometime.

That’s only a quarter part. Another part he gave is a family-oriented talk. I assumed it as his own experience sharing. “Topic” covered is like marriage during study and how to cope with personal problem, hardship in building our personality, parents and things like that. I found it interesting and yes, it is very important to organise them well. It can’t be planned just like ABC.

Following that, I called my mom right after Isya. Her voice always make me happy and motivated. Felt like I’m being here for a century. Counting days to meet all of them and I know I have to walk through a long journey before back in there. Mom said the same like what Prof Shabdin said. Exactly the same. She really wants to see me as a lecturer in the future. But, I am a bit sceptical in being involved in educational field. I know it is a noble job, but it is not the problem. The problem is I don’t know what is my problem in being so sceptical. Haha. Till here, my first Mid-term’s exam is tomorrow.

A lot more to revise and I don’t want to burn the midnight oil.

"the-reason-why"

“the-reason-why”

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