In life, everything is a test. In fact, being alive itself is a test.

Sad, happy, love, miss, worry and thousands more feelings and situations is a test. It is whether we realise it or not.

We hardly find an enough-ness feeling in ourselves.  The feeling when you have everything but still you craves for something else that you dont have. It is when our life full of worries, helpless and down ; thinking the things we dont have.

It is time to start thinking about what we have now and be grateful. Let us re-seek our own identity as a slave of Allah swt. Ask for HIS forgiveness and try to be a good Muslims and Muttaqin.

Appreciate what we are having now and try to feel enough.

It doesn’t matter how we spend our life, but what is most matter is how our life will be ended. Time is always there and Allah loves those who turn to HIM.

Life and everything inside it is a test. Not to forget that we have a permanent life onwards.

For life is just a test, dont despair and never lose hope. Have faith!





Today I checked and deleted those hundreds isolated unread emails and suddenly found something which made me smile.

2 unread emails dated 4 Nov and I am happy to receive the emails, and very sorry for my late reply (how I hope you will read this).

Wish you a happy life onwards and let us pray to meet up someday 🙂



I just try to find a relaxing lavender or the scents of tulips or roses to relax my mind from this terrific moments. Writing serves me.  It is a part of the best escaping ways but headache is just irresistible.

After a long time since I stopped drinking nescafe to stay awake, tonight Syuha made White Coffee Hazelnut for us. And all of them are sleeping now while I am the one who stay awake. Caffein starts to show its power. Alas, for me only.

As expected, we hardly handle the software. I can’t remember the last time I pushed myself to the limit, doing things I dont favor.

I have nothing better to do other than having a strong faith that all these will meet their end. The hurricane will stop and everything will be just fine at the end of the day.

Tonight will be my last time of nescafe intake. Hope I will not go insane tomorrow! Ok. Let’s try to faint.

And dont give me another assignment involving IT •_•

or another white coffee.

about the ocean


So. There is a very amazing thing about an ocean. The same spell binding wave which we can appreciate from the shore will kill as us we enter them. Water, the same substance necessary to sustain life can also end life in drowning.And the same ocean that hold ships afloat can also shatter those ships into pieces.

This life of dunya is just like that ocean and our heart are like the ships. We can use the ocean for our needs as a mean to get to the final destination as long as the ocean water remain outside of the ship,the ship will will continue to float and to be in control.

But what happen as the water creep into the ship?What happen if the dunya is not just the water outside of our heart, when dunya is no longer just a mean?

When the dunya enters our heart that is when the boat sink. That is when our heart is taken and that is when our dunya begin to control ourself.

Ocean ; there is much more than water.



The Day Before : Lisa Shroeder

” Next we head to the exhibit

I most want to see

                                  Passages of the Deep.


Sharks and stingrays swim

above us,

below us,

all around us.

We walk through

the tunnel of glass


as if we’re afraid

of falling in.


“Can you feel it?”, Cade asks me.

“Feel what?”

“The Power.

The confidence.

They’re so damn confident.”


I nod.

I do feel it.

But I want to tell him, I feel something else too.



And it’s not from

the eels.”

(The Day Before by Lisa Schroeder)


Finished this book quite a long time ago, but recently I just love to re-read it again. Different from other book that were written with compact, small, and lengthy words, Lisa wrote this book with her style. Elegant short rhythm line which made me able to finish the entire book within only 2 days.

Tried to find the other books written by her at the bookstores since then but I didnt found any of them. For me, this book is not about the love story, I see it as a life journey in seeking her stand and identity.

” There is something comforting about a lighthouse

In the dark of the night,

hold on to the light,

and you’ll get back home safely

                     I need a personal lighthouse “

(The Day Before by Lisa Schroeder)

Lighthouse at Twilight

called abah just now. Talking about my craving on nasi daging and air asam. Heh,and know what? Pavi is weird. The price is getting higher. Sigh -_-

Foods here create their own boredom. I need something spicy and flavourful.

and cheap.

the right


Did u believe in “the right time” power? Means like..you deadly want to ask something but you just hold it for the next right time. You kinda of impatient to know the answer but you know the right time hasn’t come yet. You feels that the question is not worth asking for now. Did you believe? Or you just ask whatever question at anytime?

I deadly want to ask something to someone but the time is not right yet. It is more to “I don’t have the right to ask”.

I don’t have the right. The statement is holding me back. I shouldn’t ask then.

Till then. Today is tiring. Oh by the way, a publisher company called me while I am doing my resume just now. Really? Publishing my book? Haha. Tell me that you’re kidding. I’ve no book to publish, yet. Let see if I have one next year.  Hehe. Pray!

Human law – what to expect?


Okay let us talk about law. Started knowing and building a thing called “ambition”, my first serious-ambition is to be a lawyer, together with my sis. We are so deadly enthusiastic to be a lawyer for unknown reason. Maybe we watched a lot about lawyer career especially in Hong Kong movies ; our pastime childhood’s hobby.

We ended up being not a lawyer.Haha. Glad that I dont need to be one, because being a lawyer is a kind of dreadful (for me).

Taking a law subject this semester called Environmental Law. It is interesting to see the efforts taken to protect our valuable biodiversity and ecosystem but I felt confused as the class goes on. The previous class to be exact confirmed my confusion and I ended up not thinking much about it.

At the very last 15 minutes before the class ended, Dr Azlan pointed up something. While he sat down and stared to the students infront of him, he said “making laws is easy, the difficult part is to implement it”. The class was silent. I guess, everyone is thinking. It is right. Inventing laws is easy. At least,  easier than to implement them.

Then, he stood up. “You can’t condemn this ordinance when you is an officer. But, I can. I am an academic people”. He smiled.

“We have the best law in protecting our wildlife! But what makes it fail?”.He continued.

It is implementation and enforcement. This is what really define how strong the law is.

The class on that day discussed about law enforcement and social norm. What if when you see an old man selling a bunch of totally protected or protected wildlife in order to get money for his family? Would you arrest him under this particular section?

Let say you know that this poor woman selling this particular vegetation just to continue living. The vegetation is obviously protected under 6th or 5th schedule of this ordinance which can cause her 5 thousands dollars of fine, are you willingly to report this to the authority?

Part of the class say no.

Dr said, the ordinance should be re-edit. Cut off the laws that is impossible to be carried out. Put in something that really can work out.

I agreed. The laws invented is not thoroughly made. Some of the protected plants are not actually extinct compared to some species that is not written in the ordinance. Some of them is widely planted in residential area while in fact they can’t be planted. But, still..nobody had been arrested, nobody pays the fine.

Then, what’s the actual purpose of the ordinance?

I started to think, but as usual it just hang up like that. The thought is just evaporated and blew away with the evening cold wind.

Integrity is another subject that fall under a very wide and deep discussion and definition. I think, we can’t control all the biodiversity value on this planet ; even we try so hard. We destroyed everything and yet we are fixing them, and at the same time we continue destructing.

It is funny to see what we are doing.
Let us unite in conserving our mother nature. At least,  it is possible to minimise the impact of our own destruction.

Enough of my whatever-midnight-thoughts. Let try to get some sleep before the sun rises again, before the same routine starting again.



Suddenly all the melodies become so coarse and Boyce Avenue’s voices started to distract me a little bit. Time these days ; they fly like crazy. I don’t know how to be “in line” with them. I am so much left behind and running out of time. Or maybe I am the one that only exaggerate it ;  I don’t know.

I have a syndrome recently. I mean, I just realised it recently when the symptoms described was very closed to what had Naoko experienced.

“I can never say what I want to say,” continued Naoko. “It’s been like this for a while now. I try to say something, but all I get are the wrong words – the wrong words or the exact opposite words from what I mean. I try to correct myself, and that only makes it worse. I lose track of what I was trying to say to begin with. It’s like I’m split in two and playing tag with myself. One half is chasing the other half around this big, fat post. The other me has the right words, but this me can’t catch her.”Does this make any sense to you?”

(Norwegian Wood by Murakami)

dream reality

what a nice picture and caption!

Some parts are so adult, but above that; it is a masterpiece. Surely will update more about Norwegian Wood! 🙂