It is rare, I know.

Alhamdulillah.

2014 ; Earth is still spinning in its own orbit. Yeah, flooding, earthquake, storms etc happened and yet Allah loves HIS creatures. STILL love and still give us another new chance. Another chance for us to make everything right, improve ourselves and REPENT for our past sins. We have to seek more on HIS love, aren’t we?

I just reached 21, and today I am 22, literally. It is a 2-days lap. Haha. Well, age is just an annual counting and it doesn’t give any much different. Human just get older in fact.

2014 isn’t a major New Year, Islamic calendar has turned 1435 and there’s less noisy celebration like previous midnight. Blessful things always in silence, right? I guess so.

In fact, ignoring all the fireworks sounds, handphone’s notifications, students’ screaming- I don’t know why they screamed – excited? (and a series of door-knocking), I just sleep all the night until wee hours of the morning. What a fresh feeling when I woke up and I started to do some minor revision. Not long after that..headache attacked. Again! First headache on the first January. Great.

I remembered that I didn’t eat the whole yesterday and some irregular and disturbed sleeps. It worsen my headache. I can’t wait to finish all these and breathe in some fresh air and times somewhere out of this circle.

I remember how good mak abah take care of me that I can never take care of myself like they did. So, what is your 2014’s goal and dreams?

Mine is just “take a really good care of myself”. It is rare, I know.  a.aaa-Be-Positive

Of 2013 – last day

Tomorrow is just another day. It brings a brand new 365-pages of empty canvas. Let brush on some fresh and beautiful colours from the page one till the end.

Never make other peoples on this earth make you down. Never make your mind restrict your thoughts and dreams. You is your self and you is walking on your road.

Live your life. Dream and discover new things, learn from mistakes and forgive yourself. Start a brand new life if you hate your life now.

And prepare for death. Hmm.

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You can choose what you wanna to listen. The playlist is on your hand. If you get what I mean

Another mini celebration

Bismillah.

I thought after the duo midnight-birthday-surprise, everything just back to the normal. Fiqah and Syuha asked me to come to their house, for some eating event like we used to do before. Well, it is normal. Going to the house was like checked into a restaurant.  A lot of food!

Everything was normal..and not until I stepped into Fiqah’s room when I saw a lot of my classmates were standing in a circle! Another circle of foods was on the floor, arranged nicely.

And they started surprising me with the songs and such. Haha. Ok. I actually was finding way to react. I just laughed and really? They prepared all these? It was quite huge mini celebration. With some backdrop written Happy 21st Birthday Izni, minus the blowpipe and party cone. Haha. They really worked hard for this. They even invented a fb chat-group for the planning. Haha.

Well, most of my favourite foods were there and it was and is a sweet memories that I’ll keep tightly in my life album.

Magnificent thanksss would go to Fiqah and Denah ; my most close duo in UNIMAS. They planned and prepared all night, sleepless. Another people that went sleepless, I’m in huge guilty, really.

They gave me a beautiful birthday card with a bunch of wishes, hopes and prayers. Even though birthday surprise is on top of my most-hate-things list, I was melted with their efforts.

All such moments will make me miss them one day, seriously.

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Editing by Ika. Haha.

Much appreciated!

not so Wordless – 30.12

live-every-day-like-its-your-birthday.american-apparel-unisex-tank.athletic-grey.w760h760

how to live like its my birthday?

“A year is 356 days. That is equivalent to 8, 544 hours. Imagine if we carefully manage all the abundant hours we have in a year, we will not feel ashamed when our next birthday comes.”

Thanks for the surprises, even though you all arrange the same thing like my previous birthday.  Thanks for the Secret Recipe’s! Appreciated everyone that wished me.

Birthday celebration and wishes are really not my priority or something to excite on like most of the peoples. Stepping further into 20s make me realise that it is not me to celebrate on. Its my mom. She endured all the pain when I am in her “love cushion” and I just feel like ” I hope I have enough life to make something for her and dad”. I have responsibilities, a lot of them.

and I’m not yet found any unique people,someone that not currently living in this world,someone that “not another man on earth“. You never know what I mean. Leave it then.

So, older Izni, death is nearer. Do and prepare something worth.

the title shouldn’t include “wordless” right? Haha.

happy one-year-old!

Bismillah.

Happy Sunday! The name really fits today, the sun shines mildly after a long time dimmed and gloomed. Alhamdulillah. I have few things to marked on today,nothing much for me to write, no special occasion or such. Just run away for a while from the wordy notes and the bad urges to finish studying everything before stepping into exam hall. Fuh.

Izniarifahshuib.wordpress.com will celebrate its one-year anniversary in this coming January! It has been a year since this blog was created. I never expected that I can really be quite consistent and discipline in being  so-called a blogger (wordpresser? If there such word).

I am not an active blogger, for sure la kan. I just write whatever I want and it is not a private diary because I am always fail in translating my feelings into exact words and sentences. In fact, I’d been retired from writing a formal diary.

So, as Pancasara described his blog as an “entity”, I described mine as an island or a companion, maybe. An island (minus coconut tree and hypnotic wave sound) that I can be alone and separate myself from this busy universe, where I can scream in silences, or just cried on the words. Or as a companion when I need to convey what I think without any objection from others or when I can create any metaphoric words related to what I feel (since I hate writing my exact feelings everywhere).

So, its not a lengthy description isn’t? hehe. So, happy anniversary to my island and my companion! Be with me, we will be walk through a beautiful journey, I promise.

i am hungry.

Some cake or dessert? This. Ok, now I am hungry

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a simple-effortless editing for you.hee

Guilty!

Nearly 2 am, my eyes are more than fresh!..and no, I am not doing my revision right now. I just retired from staying late at midnight. Hee

Today is a guilty day. A lot of guilty deeds I made towards various peoples.Haha. Seriously, I kind of hating my self so much today. Art Management students have to do their assignments on portfolio or whatever it called but it involves printing A LOT of stuffs. My day today was quite busy with the assignments as if I am one of the Art Management’s students. They asked me to print those things, and my intention to close up my printing services wasnt achieved. I turned out buying 2-3 inks in these 2, 3 days. it is a lot! An ink cartridge per day. Good business, but I am dying tired.

It wasnt included those who email and pm me a bunch of lecture notes to be printed out. Yes,final exam is around the corner, but I dislike the idea of last-minute print. But well, I don’t mind. They know how to handle.

I don’t have enough ink to print out everybody’s stuffs, and felt guilty to my housemate. Seriously, the ink was like flowing water these days. Within one or two days, I have to buy another one. I kind of convincing her that I will print hers, that I will keep my last ink drop for her. But alas someone knocked my room door and asked me to print something. She also wanna print the same thing, so I did print for her. My last ink drop was not for my housemate finally.

Felt so much guilty when informing her that my printer had no ink left. I can see her disappointed reactions. The assignment seems so important. I can never see straight into her eyes when I am talking.  I felt so guilty! So, I tried my hard to search for people who did printing service and found one. So, I told her.

I know she disappointed of me, I know.. eventhough she smiled and said it was okay. Me too, disappointed of myself. huu

Apart from that, I borrowed A4 paper from Zila when my A4 papers were suddenly finished! I hadn’t noticed it before. So, my first intention was to borrowed five to ten papers only, but due to my customers’ mountain of lecture notes, I used ALL of Zila’s papers. I felt very much bad.

So, I bought a stack of A4 paper, and half of them I gave to her. I don’t know if it was really enough to replace back all the papers I used.

So much guilt today and I just finished my final two Coastal Zone Managements’ articles. My goal to complete all the notes wasn’t yet accomplished. Tomorrow I will try all my heart to finish them all. InsyaAllah.

Hope that they can submit their assignments successfully. I am guilty for not helping them much. I am sorry tauuu.huu

So, that’s all on my GUILT story. There’s still a lot of things that made me feel guilty today but let not create a novel here.hoho. Tomorrow will be a fresh and productive day for me! No more guilty or nonsense sadness I promised. Blame hormone, not my fault 😀

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Sadness – hold back

Bismillah.

Recently inside me was so parallel with the weather outside. Windy, rainy, gloomy. I don’t know why.

Ok, actually I know why ; to be frank.

My biggest therapy is : randomly open the pages of my beloved. Most of the time, when I have something worrying or some feelings that doesn’t deserve to be feel, I just randomly open the pages and read what I see. Everytime I read what I saw, it really fits me. It heals at the same time.

No doubt, HE always knows about what we felt and HE is always there. So,we shouldn’t be apart from HIM. We have to be “there” too. Not only during our grieving time.

Sadness. Sometime, it is not a big deal. I mean, worry not that everything had been set up and Allah wont never let you down drown. Have faith ; otherwise we’re truly a loser.

Verse 139 that I marked as LOVE. I can feel the love. We shouldn’t weak. Weakness is not for us.

Hold back the sadness and have a strong faith.

Will you?

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Beloved

Gempa Aceh 2004

Getaran Gempa sepertinya tidak akan berhenti lagi. Malam sudah larut. Suasana dingin. Pekat. Sunyi. Dan kami memutuskan untuk tidak tidur sampai pagi.

Manusia mana yang bisa memejam dengan tenang, sedangkan gempa seperti tidak akan berhenti. Semuanya pusing dan kebingungan. Jika gempa tiba, diantara abg-abg pasti ada yg melantunkan azan.

Disebelah sana, Tangisan tidak lagi menarik perhatian. Ribuan mayat yg baru dikumpulkan belum ada tanda-tanda dimakamkan. Sedang saya, entah akan berjumpa lagi dengan Ibu entah tidak.

Malam, 26 Desember 2004.
Lambaroe Cafee

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***
Sorry for my former behaviour of immatured and impatience. I’m different now, for your information.
So, Allah knows best right?  🙂

Black-stained

I hate seeing those unmarried couples being so close, no boundaries. Taking pictures like they owned this world, saying yuckies things before the time, caring, loving, pampering so much like..really?

I hate seeing any single people, who in uncertainness feelings; missing hopeless someone, sobbing on craps bad love memories etc etc that kind of stuffs.

urghh.

I dont give any crap on that. It is so weak and..

Disgusting?

Yes. I am quite ancient and somewhat particular and rigid like mak datuk sikit. Hoho.

But who cares la kan?

My heart had been black-stained a lot these days seeing those phenomenon.