I remembered how much I love the cold. From the cold weather to the cold beverages and foods – it is cool and lovely I thought – and I can bear the cold as well. But recently I didn’t love the cold as much as I used to, I found that coldness can kill me in silent and tear out my spine and bones into a trillion pieces.

I am suffering from the cold, for this time being. I turned to all-warm things, I seldom drink the cold water and hate waking up having a cold bath, I’m getting used of water heater. I started to hide under the warm blanket each night and sleep early so that my body would not suffered from the cold night.

I could not remember how I bear the coldness during those times. Maybe one day, I will hate the warmth and started to love the cold again, who knows.


Eat Clean Programme, Food, Personal

Better in time

Feeling better. I just found my leading light out from the dark, scary tunnel. Everything is back on its right track and all is well perhaps.

I didn’t go for the job as expected – – as promised. Sorry. I don’t know, after all it is not really my passion. I am in a confusing junction between official work and passion. How could I do something that I’m not in favor? Or the passion will come after you give it a try?  The more I think out, the less that I know.

Feeling lost.

Talking about lost –  this week can be called as my “Losing Week” not losing weight :p I lost my temper (haha. The last time I totally burst when I was in Form 3), the hope and expectations – I lost all. I don’t know what’s remain. Maybe the piece of me that shattered out of nowhere, I don’t want to care about it.

So today I invented something. Eh tiba – tiba. Excuse the unlink-story.


Quaker Oatmeal Porridge with bla..bla..bla.. *refer below

Quaker Oatmeal Porride with dried raisins and dates + fried anchovies + splashes of pepper and oregano. Oh, the side dish (?) is cucumber with that amount of sambal.

Not bad at all! Tasty and so simple to do. Suit much for a lazy human being like me.

It would be wonderful if I can add more vegies inside. Broccoli for example. Yum!

Metafora dan Hiperbola

di hati

Rasa sakit di hati itu hanya ibarat kabut di pagi hari. Tunggulah matahari tiba, maka dia akan hilang bersama siraman lembut cahayanya.

Rasa sakit di hati itu hanyalah ibarat kabut pagi.

Tidak pernah mengubah hakikat indahnya pagi. Bahkan bagi yang senantiasa bersyukur, dia akan menari (meski sambil menangis) di tengah kabut. Dan itu sungguh tarian indah. Tarian penerimaan.

-Tere Liye






Inside : A Walk to Talk

Inspired by the lyrical, vivid and poignant “The Day Before” by Lisa Schroeder – one of my favourite authors. This a silly start of mine which I wrote in rush. Series One was written back then during my degree study, in a laboratory. The idea came during (now revealed how unfocused I was! haha) a discussion with my supervisor ; while Series Two was written in the black pitch midnight, accompanied by Yiruma, with his beautiful melody of Hope.

Again, it is a silly story, incomparable to The Day Before, of course!



CERPEN, Short story

A Walk to Talk #2

I asked, who are you
She said, I am you
I laughed

She is me?
Good. Be me, please.

Let the things go weird
Even if a ghost crab suddenly dig out the sand
And telling me it is – me
Let it be me because being me – it is tiring

“So, you leave him”
Oh yes, she pinned out the balloon
“But you love him, don’t you?”
I nodded; reassemble the mess sand that I just made
And listened to the wave that keep hitting the beach

Maybe it is the romantic way of wave
To dance on the beach floor
The wave-version of saying I love you or
I’ll be there for you

Starring at the dimmed sun that will be set down in minutes
Remind me of this world
Of the people
of the feelings – of mine
of him, of everything

The fact is – they keep changing
Just like what moon has done to the earth
Seasons, tides, days and nights

She chuckled.

“He really loves the girl”
She voiced out.
This time, I chuckled.
He really is.

I started the walk, wing out my hand for the wind to caress
And so she was, walking side to side
In the same rhythm

I looked at her with the belief – she is me
And saying out the thing I never believe in before
that –
When you love someone, let him live his life

Love is not about being together
It is about giving the happiness to the one you love

“Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow”
she smiled and walked away from me,
leaving me behind with the cold breeze that embraced me tight

Because I want the flower to grow, so I have to leave
I know sun will shine over it
It will grow, beautifully

Food, Resepi

now everyone can cook a superlicious spaghetti!

Half-dying suffering from squat-pain, forced myself to cook something to eat. It is weekday and everybody is working so I tried to make my own prego sauce (I’m not so into Prego). Here it is – meat spaghetti with spicy,fresh tomato sauce!


simple and easy I swear!

Recipe :

Blend these things :

– 2 tomatoes (before that, peel out the skin. To make it easier, soak it into boiled water for a few seconds)

– 3 garlics

-a red onion

add up pepper and salt. Since I’m madly in love with spice, so I added up 2-3 green chillies.

– – –

heat up pan + oil

throw in chopped onion, crushed garlic, meat (and whatever you want – meatball, sausage, etc), chunks of tomatoes (optional), whatever vegies (carrots,broccoli etc)

wait for the meat to tender

pour in the blended mixture

put in 3 spoons of your favourite chilli sauce

some salt, oregano (optional) and 1 spoon of sugar

To make it flavorful, I put in 3 pcs daun tomyam. So, it smells and taste like tomyam and paprik sikit. *I don’t know how come daun tomyam tu boleh ada dalam refri*

Then, wait until it boils and adjust the viscosity up to your taste

last but not least, don’t forget to boil the spaghetti :]

haha. super easy and way more nutritious from any ready-made spaghetti sauce. Now everyone can cook a good, tasty spaghetti!

Personal, Thoughts

life as you know it

Sometimes things in life can get horrible. It is funny and unique how things evolved and at the end of the day, you know maybe some things are just not destined for you. Yes, no matter how crazily you learned to love or already madly in love with somebody or something, if it’s not meant for you, then it doesn’t.

Maybe all you need is to look forward, by forgetting the hurt and the insane rush inside your heart.

General, Love

The reserved space – defining the emptiness

Day by day, emptiness that embraces you seems endless. What you feel inside is a hollow loneliness, and you feel like nothing more than a grain sand on a beach. You think, maybe, it is lack of beneficial routine. Then you filled up the space with climbing up the highest mountain in the world, diving down into a deepest trench in the ocean, going out and seeing people around the world, and doing things out of your comfort circle. But no, the space is getting wider. So, maybe it is about finding someone to share out your love and life together. Then, you think; by now you should find someone. Someone that can give you the definition of those craps emptiness that you feel all these while. So, you try to find someone. You caught up with the people who keep hanging onto you, you try to figure out silently, is he/she is the one? And after all, you found your true mate, your true love. You think they will really filled up the space, beautifully just like you expected.

But deep down in your heart, the empty space is still there. It is like something is missing in the world that you have everything.

You started to find it inside yourself. The question-answer session began and at the very first question, nah you stuck.

It is about LORD. Your Creator, and The One that gave all the things you have now, where is HIM inside you, in your life?

You started to realise..maybe, just maybe the space is reserved for Him? The most important thing that you take it for granted. With that in mind, you started to find Him to fill in the dark, empty space. You started to renew your syahadah, you shaded out the ego by opening Al-Quran that you recite every day. But this time, you stared at the translation. You digested one by one verses and it is like a dirty cloth was rinsed with the purest water ever. The dirt was slowly vanished and you feel like the space is getting healed, narrowed.  The sorrows of emptiness that you felt before don’t have any idea how could the space is filled. You look for the books that related with Islamic knowledge and motivations. You tried to be as modest, as possible in all your life businesses, because that is the only way to control your affection to the worldly life.

Now that the space is filled slowly, you know it is the space for your Lord, our Lord – Allah.

Make the space as a sky, full of stars , rather than a hollow cloud which contained all the heavy water.

In the making of the sky, seek for Allah. Turn to Him, it is never, never too late. Or if you said it is late, then repent.

Allah, He is the Most Forgiving.



back in reality

Back in to the other side of reality. Writing.

Enough of the four-hollow-months ; the most non-productive writing period (for what ever reason, let not discuss about it) even though the ideas fall freely from the sky, it is ignorance that spoiled everything. Enough of that.

So, today I picked up the notebook and a pen which rested down deep inside my bag (glad that I found one!) and jotted down some plans that I need to work them out. One writing contest, three manuscript submissions – and the deadlines are all at early 2015. And well, here I am still figure it out how to start completing all these.

Fulfilled the term and condition of the publisher and the contest party, I couldn’t post any of the writings here, on this personal blog or any website, or anywhere on earth before I handed the manuscripts out. It is a right procedure, to respect the copyright kind of thing. I agreed, but the main problem is me, who can’t resist the urge to share up here when some stories are completed! haha. Please pray for the urge to calm a little bit down.

Besides short stories, maybe this is the time when I should spread out my  wing a bit more wider? I mean, maybe I should write a novel? Hoho. Writing a novel really need a good rhythm, discipline and consistency. I remembered some of my short stories await for their sequel. Haha, now where are the discipline and consistency and whatnot go to? Anyway, pray for the best. One step at a time.

I have to move on into another big step. Minus out all the bad-black memories and hopeless imaginations and expectations. I really need a move-on pill. Not much time left.

Oh, today is mom’s birthday. She is amazing and the best, strongest person I’ve ever met. Being an event manager to plan out the birthday surprise, haha it is one of the many sweet memories today. Anyway, thanks mom for being you. You’re amazing :]