Today, I was earlier than ever before. I took my eyes off when I passed by the pastri shop. I was dreadfully in love with breads and pastries that I couldn’t stare any longer at those lovely cutie pies. So, I walked up the escalators. I must recover from the hell craving.
Sweat was less. No morning rushing, breakfast was had calmly, lemon water was successfully injected in, had some times smiling in front of the mirror (self therapy, you should try it every morning) and even watching “The Magic of Science”!. This is the starting day of my two-days-of- full-shift working hours and I’m ready for it.
I don’t know what is the reaction of Beh if he knows the key that he gave me was now lost! I said that the key was left at home and he gave me another one. I hope I could make some time to duplicate the key or else I’m dead! Anyway, I have a good feeling today. Just the same feeling as the day when I made 4k’s sale. Keep positive insyaAllah. Pray for me 🙂
One week in a month, I had a serious eating disorder. You know. Bad craving. This time, it’s worsen. I ate everything existed in my kitchen’s home after returned from work at night. After everything was stuffed in, I went to sleep.
Usually, I craved for carbs like potatoes and rices (and more rices), MSG things included junk foods and ice creams. Those years in UNIMAS, when I had this kind of disorder, I texted Denah to cure my bad craving. The solution was of course, on the top of the lists – rent a car and eating out. I was eating like a horse.
Second choice was usually considered when we were kind of broke – we walked to Seven Eleven during midnight and ate a cup of maggi, some biscuits, chocolates, potatoe chips, you name it. We chatted around while eating, sometimes we laid down on those hard bricks and stared at the stars on the sky.
Most of the time, I regreted all my doings about overeating. But I couldn’t do anything about it. It’s a hormonal demand. Haha. No, I’m serious. Can’t wait to see myself as a normal one again. I couldn’t imagine how many pounds I had gained these days.
For me, falling in love is easy. But to stay with the love, it does takes one’s gut.
When I decided that love is a weird, universal entity, I started to fall in love about hundred times a day. I fall in love again and again with different people. Multiple times.
I fell for that young guy who sang on the street. I think he’s about the same age with me but seemed more matured in his own way. His own charming way. His voice was angelic and what made me fell for him was of course – his smiling eyes. He glanced and smiled to me. Felt like he sang just for me. In a middle of rushing citizens he sang for me!
And then I blinked.
There’s no way he could notice me. I continue to walk and forget the fact that I just fell in love with someone stranger.
Who knows if his wife was at home, preparing dinner when he returned later.
He walked beside me twice after he performed, but I was just too numb to even offered a fake smile.
I still remember his face. If by any mean, he walk beside me again, I would greet him and say that his voice is great.
*that is one out of my many falling-in-love encounters*
You made this extraordinary things and you feel like wanna tell the whole world, you wanna share the story with your nearest person. But sadly enough, the person isn’t response up to your expectation. And you will feel like.. “Really? For God sake, try to say something..”
That was what happened today. I made a nearly-four-thousands sale and I waited for Beh to start his shift to tell the amazing story. It was my first time kot! So he came. With a red shirt on (where on earth was his uniform?). So I told him, with shining face. He was listening, smiling wide too, but that was it. Ended. I stopped in the middle of the story and I told him I wanna have a lunch.
Haha. Dissappointing Beh. I can imagine if Kenny was still here. He’s more responsive.
I guess man would always be like that. They always acting plain.
Wait until I return home. Mom would give the-expected-response and adik too. They will exaggerate and excited more than I was. Haha.
To be honest, it is okay for me for not having a place in government sector.
I love trying random things that makes me feel more alive. I love to know that making money for life – at this such baby stage is difficult. I’m at least – glad that money comes after my hard work that I tried to put on. That I’m not belong to any office chair, in front of a PC, or making any policy and agreement that I’m not sure of.
One fine day, I will ensure that money works for me instead of I’m working for money. Oh, just say it. She’s a materialistic! Haha. I’m okay with that though.
As much as any parents care about their beloved sons and daughters, I fully understand deep down, my parents are worry about me. Or maybe, just maybe they look me down a bit just because I’m not as ‘simple’ and ‘lucky’ as my sisters are. They wanna see me as a government officer who earns several thousands per month. But it just not meant (yet) to happen. I am totally okay if it’s not meant to be. I think I’m living hard. Like another path. Unusual trip.
Above all, I am happy as I am now.
Yesterday, we had lunch with our complete family members (my sis just came back from Puchong).It is just the five of us. We chatted around, somebody made a lame joke, we laughed hard, and I realized , I want all these to stay.
What is more comforting than having a small, happy family? It is a beautiful life if we dare to value those little things around us, isn’t?
I stare at this ceaseless, rushing crowd and imagine a time a hundred years from now.
In a hundred years everybody here–me included– will have disappeared from the face of the earth and turned into ashes or dust. A weird thought, but everything in front of me starts to seem unreal, like a gust of wind could blow it all away.
Now I can breathe. What a hectic week I’ve been through. Working is tiring I tell you. Although you’re doing the things you love, you are still a human body that reflexes upon stress and other stimulus.
I thought it is easy to continue writing even I’m working. Hell no, it isn’t easy at all. I couldn’t remember when was my last time updating my progressing novel. It has been left dusty for too long. Or maybe being a novelist exists just in my wild dream, I don’t know.
Today is exactly two weeks of working. I’ve been traveled this far and I think I’m doing much better than my first day. When I left today, both Kenny and Beh were half-awake (they’re enjoying the massage chairs!) and I stepped out silently, leaving a short good bye’s notes on Kenny’s beg. I glanced at Kenny, just to scan his face so that I won’t forget him easily. He taught me a lot along these two weeks. When I asked him what is his future plan, he said he wanna open a kedai kopi. All the best for you :]
Kenny said he trust me. He said just do what I want and worry not about the outcomes. Whatever happens, just get through it as life has never stop. Just keep on walking. If you didn’t get what you want, at least you gain some experiences.
Few hours after lunch hour, a girl walked in asking about the vacancy stated in front of the outlet. I passed to Beh and I don’t know why, I kind of jealous (?). I know there’s a high tendency for her getting the job, I hope my nonsense-crazy feeling fades off. If she managed to pass the interview, I wish to be as Kenny, teaching her like Kenny teached me.
Dayah and Jammie wanna resign. I wonder who else could be my friends there.
In this wide, wide world – in a day, they must be at least one people who insult you. Directly or indirectly. Someone who’s annoying to the max. Like you wanna slap hard on their bloody face – right on that moment, and you feel like throwing a punch or two somewhere at their stomach and nose (but you just can’t).
For that, just remember. Do not ruin your beautiful day just because of that one person. If you do, please don’t.
He is leaving on this coming 15th. For the record, he is the first one who taught me directly about being positive. We talked about life so much, humans’ behaviour, the psychological responses, not narrowing down just in sale-world, but in a huge, unexpected aspect. I am in with his way of thinking, and the way he looks differently on something. If more people like him on this earth, I can’t imagine how peaceful and easy this world would be.
Yesterday marked my first sale! Total up about RM 138. After every sale I made, Kenny gave ‘a talk’ for about an hour. hahaha. The topic was ranging from a tiniest principle of making sale to the various depth of human behavioural. I was thinking, when this guy will stop talking?
But I love listening to him.
Just as him knew what I was thinking, he said ” You tau tak, kerja dalam sale line ni..kunci dia ialah jangan berhenti bercakap. No matter what. You boleh takde tangan, kaki, tapi yang penting you mesti ada satu mulut. Kecuali kalau you memang takde mulut lah”, he giggled.