In the rush of RA-ship, I made my way to my cousins’ weddings. I can’t really digest that they’re married, but it was all happening! My childhood buddies are married, and I felt so insecure. haha.
So, our another cousins and we siblings drove all the way from Shah Alam to our homeland just to witness the day. Tired as hell aside, I’m happy for them!
Arrived UPM about 4 pm. Pat at my back for being able to bear in such a hot, droughty day! I wished there will be rain, cool down this nasty ground a little bit. Have to back in track, I have a load of works to settle out. I’ve done nothing about the reports, presentations, meetings, paper works and everything. I’m dead if I’m not burning some midnight oil tonight!
Happy Merdeka Day!
** I feel bad for being an eating monster these days. I think I’ve gain 100 kg! **
“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary”
The quote hit me hard on my face.
I slept a lot recently. They said, people who sleep a lot is a sad or lonely person. Am I sad or just feel lonely? Not really sure, but I’m so sleepy (?) all day long and my most favourite time is surely at the end of the day where I tuck myself in and shut my eyes, feeling the world drop dead.
Being a graduate from Aquatic Science – and Allah-knows-how, suddenly I jumped into a complete strange field. Currently assisting my supervisor in oil extraction; and later in another field in October InsyaAllah. At first, I was thinking, this is gonna be so hard. Like damn hard. Can you imagine, you’ll need to start all over again after all what you’ve acquired? I don’t know why I took this path but at this moment, I started to love it. Life, in this stage, I feel like I’m on a ride of a roller coaster. It is unexpected and what I need to do every now and then; is to be prepared. Yeah, I saw the important of being prepared. I will feel so depressed if I’m not prepared on what’s coming. I understood how ‘gold’ time is.
During my hell-ic first week here, I was about to cry. Not a homesick baby, but thinking of how little my knowledge is, I felt stupid. Careless. I don’t know how to face everything here. Felt like in no time, I will give up on this shit. I knew this would happen, I’m prepared for it since my first day, but easy said than done – it was really difficult.
Day by day passed, I realised that I actually, can do this. I’m become more calm, content, confident, and yes I can afford a little smile.
It was all started when I had this one thought.
The thought that I’m actually discovering Allah the Almighty’s knowledge. Now that my eyes and mind are all open – I witnessed how wide Allah’s knowledge is. He has and knows EVERYTHING in this world. Like everything you could imagine (or couldn’t imagine). He knows Chemistry, Biology, Physics etc – and every single minute, tiny reaction happened in every single solutions and principles beyond every assay and experiment.
How great HE is, isn’t ?
And we, human claimed enough of what we had known. If I wasn’t here, I would never see how a lot more we didn’t discover in this life. Allah’s Ilm is so amazing, it covers all! Allah will ease us if we are sincere to learn HIS knowledge.
By that in mind, I always pray so that Allah shows me a right path. That may Allah make it easy for me to understand this every new things I’ve and about to read and learn. I’m sure when you are sincere enough in menuntut ilmu, the path will be surprisingly easy. InsyaAllah.
Past midnight and I was trying to keep my eyes stay on this one journal since we’ve to do the SWE test tomorrow. I don’t know how enough is enough, but I couldn’t concentrate anymore. Thinking of how long since I last wrote, so here it is. Well, it will be my first time running the treatment, a little nervous frankly. I know Mr Chan will ask me like a hill of questions and I probably know how I’ll react. Like blur all the time, as always.
These past two days, glad that Mr Chan was busy running his PhD thingy, so I can do my work calmly without his smart-question. It is amazing how I’m progressing here. Last two weeks, I am here without any single information about what’s this all about. Day after day, I’ve learned a lot of new things and did some lab works that I’d never known before. Meeting new peoples and friends (well, not much friend when you stepped into postgrad!) was just a different kind of vibes. I mean, I met and heard about great peoples, and yes I feel like a small fish in a big, wide pool.
Today, I met Prof, asking her to sign on several forms, and had a quick talk with her. I wonder why peoples hate her. I’ve heard a lot of bad stories regarding her, but talking with her inspiring me. I don’t know if I’m just a newbie in this circumstance, maybe the true colour of her didn’t come out yet – that was all they said – but so far, I’m proud of her works. She’s even motivated me on my master project. She assured me that I’ll be fine being here, that I should not be worry.
Maybe this thing goes like this. Successful/well-known people will always be the target. Everything that they did and said – all were watched and interpreted – and manipulated by the audiences. Selalunya, orang yang dikata, dikutuk atau dihina akan lebih berjaya daripada orang yang mengata, mengutuk dan menghina. Probably because orang yang mengata tu busy mengata, while orang yang dikata itu busy growing up, tepis everything and succeed. That’s how world works after all isn’t?
Oh, and Prof said something to me. She asked me to choose between two projects as my Master. I thought we were already locked the project in? So, I am in dilemma now. This is gonna be tough decision. Really tough one. I don’t know what to choose. Allah, please help me!
Really sleepy right now. Enough with the reading, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I hope I will survive through out the day. Through out the test.
It is no exaggeration to say that 2015 has been a challenging year for me. Along these eight months, if I could preview back what had happened- I’ve keep evolving in term of what I’m doing. Starting the last February, life is not easy as before. I thought it was the hardest, but no, I’m wrong because THIS MOMENT I swear is the hardest phase of my life ; for now.
Sometimes, I don’t know what I wanted in this life, in which path I should settle in, where is the right place on earth for me? Felt like I am one hollow soul that is wandering, blindly flying in a busy walk street. This week is just a starting point of what I might face in the future, yet I felt so helpless, weak and now I just crave for my bed. But I relentlessly stand up after my every falls and downs. I don’t really know what keep me believing and being another stronger person after my falls, but it feels like someone keep on pushing; motivating me, like saying you’re better than this; that mistakes isn’t rubbish, it is a life lesson. So, I take it. And grew stronger.
Today, you have no idea how my day was.
After a tonne of reading, and burning midnight oil – I am still a dumb chicken to answer his every spontaneous questions. Perhaps I’m able to read a tonne more to enhance everything up. So,as promised, we did our extraction using this particular experiments and procedures. Since it was totally out of my knowledge, I’ve been studying it every night before I went to sleep. I’m a nervous wreck when it comes to experiment using lab apparatus (haha. My secret flew out!) and minus all the hills of my mistakes and misunderstandings, finally we successfully ran the tests. Since my only colleague is my supervisor, I bet he’s hating me, knowing I’m not that decent in running experiment. He must be dissappointed.
Well, put the thoughts aside, I am one proud self for today. It was really coming out from my comfort zone. I did the foreign chemical experiment, which usually did by a chemist (not an aquarist :O) Hmm not bad for a baby like me?
What a long tiring day! Wish tomorrow is better. Till then, on my way to pack my stuffs – searching for anything to break my fast later.
I just knew that the thumbprint was actually used as my attendance record which lead to my paycheck at the end of the month. Meaning to say, every single day I have to scan my thumbprint at 8 am and again before return home, at 5 pm. I forgot that I’m actually working here instead of being a student. Hmm, okay. My bad.
So, it is a waste that I came here before without thumbprint. It has been 4- 5 days! I don’t know how much I lost on that. Nobody ever told me about that! Yeah, in this level nobody should never tell you anything, except asked.
Met Mr Chan, discussed about our project. He asked what I’ve read and I can see he started to compare me with his previous Diploma student. It was said that she (the Diploma student) is so talented in doing this and that tests and procedures. He said, “Why not you? I believe you can do better than her”
Seeing from a positive view, yes I’m all motivated in this – and I should prove that I’m not a wrong person they chosed (even I started to feel so).
*Got an old cell phone from my sis. The space memory is so disappointing that I couldn’t have my Instagram and Facebook in. and my LinkedIn and my Twitter and my WordPress and my BestFont and my Vscocam and my whatsoever apps that I used to have. But Alhamdulillah above all. :]
Heavy thunderstorm and raining here. Alhamdulillah, felt like heated up these recent days, perhaps this rain washes away the heat and brings some moistures.
Bored weekend aside, my cell phone threw a tantrum after 4 years of services. It has been like 3 days since I hadn’t contact with anyone, via phone. Had to always logging in my Facebook account through laptop to communicate – oh yes especially to my worried mom and sisters. So, automatically with lack access of phone IT (and the apps beyond) my small part-time business flew away, I don’t know when on earth I could resume it.
Thanks to the super-fast WiFi connection in this block, so I can entertain myself with JinnyboyTv that always been my lover obsession ever since my first watched.
So, that’s all. Wish I’m having back at least a functional cell phone.