Walking again

29 September 2015

Walked to the institute again. I think, I will keep walking for quite a long time. It feels good in that way. At least it made me realise that I still have a functional limbs, legs and energy. Alhamdulillah.

The day I started walking, I was surprised on how capable  I was. Pat on my back.

Walking – in a positive side, is a potential time for me to think about whatever comes across to my mind. Some times, I walk without thinking of anything. I will just walk and walk relentlessly. Just walking and me, that feels good.

Achievement unlocked for today. I took less time to reach there. Usually, it took 20 minutes for me to walk but today, I took only 15 minutes or less! I went to my room a little too early today as I was stressed out about some thing. I packed my stuff real quick and thumbprint-ed (not 5pm yet but who cares) then I was thinking to whatsapp Sakinah. But then, no I didn’t. I decided to just have a quick walk.

It was about 5 minutes of walking when my phone vibrated. AB whatsapp-ed me.

He asked me whether my sis’s car is still available. I said no and asked him why.

Then he asked me whether I’m going back with my friend or not? It was strange.

I afraid if he, by any chance saw me walking at the sidewalk. But it was impossible because he just yelled me a good bye from far when he saw me walking out from the student room.

Then I asked again why he asked? He just wanna make sure that I’m not walking ; that if I am – he can send me to my college.

I was about to break into tears but I hold it. If he were a girl, I would hug and thank him for being so concern. If he were a girl again, I would buy him a gift, take him to the cinema, and hanging out like my closest girlfriend. But thinking he is actually a man, there’s a fine line that we shouldn’t across. Am I right? Yeah.

Knowing that someone is still there for me in the middle of my stress situation is just..heart warming.

I think I should sleep now. Got headache out of nowhere, felt like some part of my brains is being pushed and hammered. What the hell is going on? May tomorrow brings a brighter and warmer sunshine. Please haze, go away. Have to come out earlier tomorrow since I’m walking! Life of Izni.

13 hours journey

Journey of 13 hours was finally ended. For the record, that was my longest bus ride ever along my 23 years of living. Yes, from Kedah to Kajang that usually took 6 hours, was being doubled due to the Eid and school holiday.

We reached Kajang around 3.30 in the morning, and took a taxi to my sister’s home. We were so tired and overslept until God-knows-when. Haha. Then, we continued our journey to UPM to ‘meet’ the beloved car by commuter, took another bus and bla bla bla we arrived UPM. Took the car, off to The Mines and finally to my college.

What a tiring day.

CKW asked me about the report and I had not finished it yet. Tomorrow onwards will be so busy for an Izni. I just need to do things seriously. Starting this week, I have to attend some classes too! I nearly forget about it. I must figure out the bus schedule. Hopefully I’m not gonna burden Sakinah anymore.

Recent news said that there’s flowing water on Mars. Does it means it has potential living organism on it? Surely it does if there’s water, right? Talking about this, I remembered one of my lecturers back then in my undergrad study, he said “Why bother what’s there on other planet? We’re not enough discover Earth”. I don’t know what were the other students felt, but I’m totally disagree with the lecturer. I don’t think we shouldn’t bother. For the sake of curiosity that exist in our helix, we need to bother and think about it. At least, that will remind us how Great Allah is.

Mungkin –

Mungkin sekali kita ini seperti embun direrumputan

Suatu waktu nanti kita akan hilang dan tidak ada yg mengenang

Mungkin sekali kita ini seperti debu-debunya pepasiran

Ditangkas angin lalu terbang merayau ditindas hujan



kita ini

seperti ada-ada ; tiada saja

beza cuma pada takat cinta

pada Tuhan yang Esa.

21.9.2015 – upm

late lunch

Having a late lunch alone at Fish & Co marked the highest loner level of me. But I’m easily satisfied with great food (hence my fat) so without any chum, I’ll be definitely survived.

It was my first experience at Fish & Co after quite some times of wishing to be there. Holding a tagline of “Seafood in a Pan” I thought okay, let’s try this. Given my extreme hungriness (had not eat anything since breakfast until 4 pm) that I couldn’t bear any second of choosing where to eat, so there I was.

I considered this as a reward to myself. Finally, I have the bravery to drive to The Mines without any GPS or Waze. Kudos to myself! Because I had never drive here except in UPM territory. I just can’t believe that I made it!

So, I ate these alone (RIP my moneyy) :

*image source – Google and Fish & Co website

Finished like after 10 seconds. I’m so hungry like a pregnant monster.
Grilled Salmonidae babyy. Loveee it!

So, that was all for today’s adventures. I will definitely return again to try the other menus.


Since my sister went home for the school holiday (she’s a teacher), she left the car with me because I’m the last person going back home for this AidilAdha. Such a heavenly week because I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want minus the fact I didn’t know much about the road and whereabout.

I can go to my lab during weekend, and finally am able to come out earlier in the morning. Life’s good.

Few days ago, during my conversation with mom, she told me about my broken phone. I thought it was the end of everything. That I’ve to forget fixing it and should figure out any iphone. haha. I wished. But glad to know it is fixable! I would rather choose my old baby than a new one. Hopefully everything gonna be so alright.

Thinking about AidilAdha, I was trying to think about any sacrifice that I had ever did. What is your biggest sacrifice in your life?

I miss my beach

Who is it?

Who are you thinking of lately?

When you open your eyes in the morning, when you stare at the sharp morning ray that claimed their space through your dusty curtain window. You can see the flying little dust as a soft breeze blow from the cold outside. Your mind, somehow thinking of someone. Someone who’s already blew by the time – you wasn’t managed to catch up.

Who are you thinking of lately?

When everyday passed so slow, an hour felt like an ages, a second dropped down like a water droplet in the space area. When you passed through all your daily errands hoping time would run faster so that you’ll get to your dark bed faster. You can’t help it but thinking of someone. Someone who used to be around. Someone that makes time flew faster and paints the mild cloud with some lame rainbow.

Who are you thinking of lately?

When things are going great. When your days turned upside down. When tears stream running down your face, thinking of how tired you’d be recently. You thought some rests will do but you know, you just can’t get enough of thinking and missing someone.

Who are you thinking of lately?

When the light went off. When you stare to the darkness and suddenly a bright screen shows up showing the lose memory lane. When you lose your sleep thinking how fast everything changed. When you woke up feeling empty. When again, you stare to the sharp morning ray. and repeat.

You’ve tried to forget the past but your heart just couldn’t let go. Far behind, far from the sky, if you’ve ever get second chance, you’ll take it.


I’m staring at the mess I made

Woke up, started today off with such a good and vibrant mood. I don’t know what and how it is, but something makes me happy. I don’t know what was that something though but I felt so energetic and very determine to live my life today. I was about to finish everything up since CKW needs the results for him to write and present them in a meeting board maybe, I don’t know. I just left with a few more errands and targeted to finish up everything by the end of this week.

Today was my second time dealing with the flammable, devil methanol. You know how worst it can be when you heat alcohols like methanol? Dammit.

I did this particular test that required me to heat up the methanol until it boils with my samples in, and using water for the condenser, it is reflux extraction if you know what it means. It needs to be run about 1 hour.

So, I set up the whole apparatus and let it runs about a couple of minutes until it boiled – seemed everything was okay so I ran to the next lab to do another tasks. 40 minutes later I smelled like something burnt, Kak Norsya and CKW already at the previous lab searching for what’s burning. Then I saw my Reflux apparatus. It was all black and I can see some smokes rising from it. Totally burnt!

The smell was very disturbing, and CKW scold me. Haha. No offence because partly it was my fault too. I should stay right infront of it for the freaking 1 hour to see how that shit that thing goes. Actually the water was accidentally not running, so the condenser can’t do it tasks. Things get hotter and that was when the methanol took that chance to rise and shine.

Methanol is a very dangerous chemical; do not mess with it – I learned it hard way.

But still, my mood for today wasn’t interrupted. Just, I’m a little bit scared washing it. Heard that methanol can absorb through our skin? And I felt sorry for those that inhaled the methanol smoke (including me!) I hope it wouldn’t affect much. I hope!

Now, listening to Parachute – The Mess I Made, yeah I’m just staring at the mess I made today.

Anyway, today is Denah’s birthday! We’re still in contact even it has been quite a long time of not meeting each other. We planned to meet up this month, I don’t know let see how it goes.

Hashtag Lost. Three

I am sorry for this uncertainty that I brought up.

To be honest, I’m not really sure what I’m thinking and feeling right now. It is an ultimate ashame to say that I’m not even know what I want in this life. In me ; in everything.

I’m sorry for myself. I was trapped inside me and my soul. If there’s a time that I feel like to run away and hide, this is one of the times.

I’m not more than a hollow, empty – mobile – organism.

Just leave me.