Today onwards will be good.
Will be challenging.
Will be so tough. I must survive through everything that might show up. I will not look back.
As catchy as that.
The perks of not having any real-romantic-relationship in your twenty-something. The perks of being alone for too long, and when you started to feel comfortable in.
You will start to forget what love feels alike.
You forget about the goosebumps you would always feel when you see someone you love walking towards you, when he greets you with his smile, asking how the days went or how do you feel today. He will ask you whether everything is okay. He will check on you just to make sure you are doing well at the moment. That nothing stirs up your little mind.
You forget about how the closeness could possibly means love. You wonder why you felt so close and comfortable whenever you’re with him. You feel safe, and so secure comes rain or shine because you know he will stand by you. Yet, you forget how to evaluate the feeling, is it love for real or just something that passed you by. You forget how to admit that you loved him a little when he said he loved you. You loved him a little when he looks into your eyes, and said you’re beautiful just the way you are. Your heart moved a little. You loved him a little. But you forget how love feels alike. So, you do not admit anything to yourself. Just in case you’re wrong. Just in case you’ll get hurt again at the end of the day.
You forget how to say that you miss him.
You forget the scent of love.
If you could write a note to your younger self, what would you say?
This is interesting because I started to think what would I say to my younger self if I’ve ever get the chance to get back to the time where I was all young. The time when I had nothing much to worry about life, when world was just a sole world, that I don’t have to care how much penny left in my broken purse, well – I would probably say this to my younger self:
Just be happy in whatever you’re doing. Be happy with yourself. I would tell my younger self to never think about others’ perception, live with what you have and be what you gotta be. Do not look down yourself, chin up more, and be proud of yourself. You can do more with your capability regardless how incapable you think you’re. Do not waste your time counting how unlucky, or unhappy you’d be. Be happy instead.
About your thought that you wasn’t beautiful, change that. You’re beautiful. You’re funny. You got enough charisma. You need to stand out a little instead of always hiding behind the wall. You have to tell yourself that you’re beautiful in every aspect you are, my dear younger self. You’re beautiful. Smile more through the difficulties because as world is temporary your hard times will be passed in no time. Do not worry too much, just do the best and be happy.
No regret after all, I’m proud of you my younger self. Let’s face the world together no matter what life brings.
The Older Self.
Although I keep reminding myself that I have to focus, focus and focus in doing everything; at the end of the day, I can’t help myself from being confused and messed up. I should’ve been more focus. Than ever.
Today when I tried to arrange all the samples that I’ve been done in the past several weeks, it was hella confuse and some of them wasn’t even there. That Prof was right, it is a battle against yourself.
Started today’s morning with some sorts of
problems challenges. I don’t know what more will pile up later.
Problem, could you take a rest?
I don’t know why, but world seemed different and weird these days.
2 October 2015
The same routine as yesterday. Went for evening jog but I felt less energetic. So, I walked more.
My first rice intake after a week of no rice. Nabilah gave it to me a nasi lemak after maghrib. Nasi Lemak – during night yes what a good killer. Haha but nevermind, Alhamdulillah rezeki :]
Water – failed. Have not finished even 2Litres.
1 October 2015
So, I started this FitJourney and created a separate category for this kind of journal. I have to have a journal so that it’s easier to track anything regarding my past activities as well as a reflection for me.
Finally today I made it happened. I went out for an evening walk and jog! (Yes, after going back from lab, change the attire and off I went). I should’ve started this earlier because it was so fun to be outside. Such a freedom when I can see the big white sky above, seeing nature that have been long forgotten. I am satisfied. I should’ve really find a time to be there everyday.
What makes me more enthusiastic, is Runtastic! It records everything that you’ve done. The calories, your pace, your distance – just to name a few. But the cons is you have to go online. Cons for me because I hate charging my phone. It’s a habit btw nevermind.
After all, I gave the apss a 4 stars for being so excellent in tracking my path.
I’ve been targeting to lose another 10 kg within 3 months. I knew the last 10kg towards ideal weight is such a devil ,shitty one. But I don’t care. I can do it.
Let the journey beginnn!
Except he is married.
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