Personal, Rant

Maybe because I hate people,

Maybe because I hate people, I am still here, not rush into any love relationship or marriage while half of my friends is about to end their single life.

Maybe because I hate people, I found myself hating me, sometimes. Hating me for not being able to cope with some feelings that I should never bumped into.

Maybe because I hate people, I always prefer to be in strangers crowd so that I feel secure and do not have to protect any human’s feeling. I do not have to pretend like I care of everything, I just want to do my own things and chase things that I want. Maybe I will stay very close to the people I love most, but in most times, I need my own space. Space – where I can be a carefree being.

I don’t want to mess around with people’s feeling, so I will just do what’s necessary to convey my feelings. If I say don’t put hope on me, it means go away in a polite sense. Because I hate people, I found it annoying if you cling to me too much. I mean, you gotta find how to live your life.

I don’t know. I feel like you people don’t have to love me or like me or pretend to be so. I am totally fine if you were to say you’re no longer love or care about me. It is okay for you to admit the feeling has gone. Because I hate people and their variety of behaviors, I’m just fine here –  – very fine actually.

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Passionate, Personal, Rant

short-term goal (May – December)

Taking Maraboli’s words of “If you have a goal, write it down. If you do not write it down, you do not have a goal – you have a wish” seriously, here is some of my short-term goal (effective today – Dec 2016) – – as if I do not own a single notebook, but who-cares-I-wanna-write-it-here-thanks-technology, here is what my goals sound like:

  1. Get off from probation period. Make May 2016 as my last probation month.
  2. Saving money like an adult. Must have at least 2 months’ salary amount at the end of 2016
  3. Make this coming Ramadhan is the best Ramadhan in my life
  4. Actively write about Aquatic and send to some science magazines.
  5. Book air ticket somewhere far and cheap and also find my true soulmate to share my life with. It’s kinda boring to live alone.

 

“You can’t cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.”

Till then. I might be busy chasing my goals, time is running out, gotta move quickly.

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Personal

Thinking..

It has been quite a half and hour since the bus rolled its tyres heading to Kajang, sending me back to my routine which I started 3 months ago. It was indeed a short holiday and I can’t get  enough of everything. Time flies like an arrow, now it makes sense.

Past midnight, it is pitch black outside. I am thinking about a lot of things. A lot of things..

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Personal, Thoughts

Hello from the other side!

Yeah, Hello from the other side! This side of Kedah, my forever-peaceful-homeland. Home after an overnight journey. It was only three passengers including me in the bus last night, heaven! I can choose which seat I want.

So yeah, I’m home, finally.

Our Terengganu plan was cancelled since adik got her interview on the very same date. I don’t mind about the burned air ticket, I mean maybe the reason why it was cancelled by HIM because HE wants me to spend a little more time at home. So here I am, enjoying every little bits of this sweet home. Knowing about this, Fiqah and Denah urged me to pay them a visit at Penang, should I go?

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Personal, Work

Battle

Izzati’s resignation last week..was like a thunderstorm. A sharp and loud thunderstorm. Perhaps that’s the closest way how to describe it. It feels like I’m battling this alone. KC spoke to me just now, she said she gave me another 2 months for me to prove myself. Izzati used to be my battling partner, and without her starting this moment, I feel like..something is missing. I lost my best friend, I lost my first friend here. I should figure out how to win this battle as soon as possible.

I must win, no matter what. Ya Allah, make it easy for me.

p/s: have you ever felt like you’re battling on something alone?

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