Can time stops for a while?

No, time can’t be stopped. Clock is ticking, time is running.

I don’t know what to do. I’m still figure out how to reach 50% of my target by this Friday as I made the promise to Chris. Chris said he understood that I took MC for 3 days but when he kinda forced me to achieve it, I think he doesn’t really understand..

How could I achieve 50% of my target while I just started work 3 days ago? Come on, let’s have some common sense.

By hook or by crook, I have to achieve it. But how? Can time stops for a while? So that I can breath and think wisely for a while? In the meantime, I just wanna lie down like this..straighten my back bone.

50%, come fast to me!

Update (25/07/2016) 

I managed to achieve 55% of my target. Don’t know if time was really stopped or the effect of my over-positive-thinking was that powerful. Alhamdulillah, anyway. 5 days left to achieve 100%. Make it easy for me Ya Allah.

Morning rain

Morning rain in PJ.

I reached Kajang Bus Station around 10.30 pm last night. It was a dizzy ride, I felt like vomiting.

Came out from my sister’s house to my ‘nest’ quite late. We overslept, and right after I woke up, I drove alone in the pitch black dawn. First day of working after a-two-weeks holiday. I have a lot of things to catch up. Target is chasing me, I am hoping I can cope it well. Not achieving my monthly target would mean less pocket money for my Indonesia’s trip.

p/s : Did my dressing earlier this morning. It was a mess.  My phone was barred this morning. When on earth I can go out to pay for it? Why out of so many times, my phone was barred today?

Amalina

Went to the nurse again, her name is Amalina as I can see from her name tag. She addressed me as ‘adik’ maybe from my immatured attire, I don’t mind though. She is the one who did my dressing for 3 days in a row. I’m grateful. Since I will have to work in short times, she gave me a package of basic daily dressing tools for me to do by my own. She recommended me to buy a bottle of Dermacyn at any pharmacy which I did. 

Today would be my last day of dressing in the clinic. Starting tomorrow, I will have to do all by myself. I am quite nervous about that. She said she can see some cells are growing; which is a good sign. Mom bought me a bucket of Sunkist as a great source of Vit C. I can feel the warmth of her love like never before. Mom’s love indeed is very comforting.

The gauze sticking on my raw flesh is stinging. I hope it will dry soon, InsyaAllah. Remembering the Indonesia’s trip next month..I hope I can make it. Or else, Denah and Fiqah would kill me. 

Happy working after a long holiday, Izni. Stay positive.

Being secretive  

Now that I’m ready to accept it and talk about it openly, I would say..it is indeed a great lesson and experience. Never had I imagined I was able to get through this, strongly. Pat on my back.

After it was confirmed it is not a cancer but a bacterial infection instead (Ya Allah, avoid me and my family from cancer, Ameen!) I’m now feel like having my breath back. I still have to go for daily dressing for these 3 days before heading back to PJ. Along this experience, remembering what my family (especially mom and dad) did for me..I am touched. Like really, now I know the power of a family. They are there for you througj thicks and thins. Mom and dad are superb! I couldn’t imagine getting through this without them. 

As I spent quite a long time outside, I admit it ; sometimes I can be very independent which greatly developed me into a very secretive person when it comes to my personal matters. I couldn’t help it, I keep all my things inside me, not telling anybody including mom. But as my condition is getting worse, and there was no way to keep it as a secret, I had to tell them what was going on. I found it terribly difficult for me to open up about myself. Is it a good or bad thing? From the reaction of mom and families, I pretty sure it was a bad habit. Being too secretive is bad, I hate the statement but it is the truth. Being too secretive is bad.

But how I can learn to be more open to talk about myself, how I genuinely feel, or anything personal to others? Because before this I was too comfortable keeping everything to myself, I don’t give a damn if someone refuse to listen to my story, I will feel unsafe if I reveal too much to other people. Let alone heart pouring. I’m a good listener, but not a good teller. How do I fix that?

I’m just too independent and confident with my self. For once, I see this as a problem. I gotta reduce it into a safe level. 

Anyway, enough of the rant. Past midnight, tomorrow will be another day, I have to meet the nurse for daily dressing, prepare for the pain when the alcoholic cotton is being pressed onto my open wound. I hope it will dry soon and  the cells would grow beautifully. I gave it up to Allah. He is The Best Healer. 

Till then, goodnight. Perhaps after this, I would be more open in my post writing. I am in a process of opening a little bit about me. What is so hard about that Izni? Common. 

*I knw it is a bad, clumsy writing. Expect grammatical error or redundant sentence. Who cares? My eyes are so tired, plus it’s not a thesis writing. Ahaks. Bye.*

Promise me now

Promise me, you’ll be strong no matter what will happen. You’ll be strong because being weak is never an option. Promise me now, you will be so positive like you used to before. You’ll not lose faith, give up and grieve over this worldly things. Surely Allah will test His slaves and all you have to do is to behave well and win over the tests. 

Promise me, you’ll be so strong that nothing can break or tear you down. You’ll see clearly now ; who is who. Who loves you, who thinks you’re just a bypass meteor that once appeared on their sky line but then being forgotten by time. No worries, stay strong. People come and go ; so as pain. 

Promise me now before the sun sets on the bleeding horizon. Promise me you’ll be strong and keep smiling; regardless what is a about to happen. 

You are strong.