8 minutes before midnight. Don’t know why I’m still wide awake at this hour. Usually I went flat 3 hours ago, but tonight I’m still fresh.
I just got the feeling..feeling of wasting the space on this planet. I think, planet earth got no difference whether I exist on it or not. No significant different. I’m just wasting the air and the time, and the precious space here.
I am feeling rubbish. But who cares whatever shit I’m feeling.
In case you’re watching me so blend in with someone, it is either I really like the person or I’m just put a great act on it-for several reasons. I am mean, plain and self-centered, now you know.
I don’t like small talk, I adore a big, deep talk which gives me meanings and thoughts. I couldn’t stand people who lie for other people’s comfort, as much as I hate people who need other people to make them happy. I mean, happiness comes from within, if you depend on others to let happiness happened on you,. I don’t know, who cares, it’s your life after all.
I, personally don’t like to let in so much people into my life. I am very selective on this because I like to keep distant from the sick world and society nowadays. Human is complex, dumb and hypocrite. So, in case I let you in into my world, you must be something else.
But I’m friendly, and easy going from outside with general society. But for constant engagement, I’m not the person. You see, human is hypocrite, I’m human too, just so you know.
I literally hate everything around me right now. It’s so real.
Just finished my nasi lemak and milo ais which I bought after I dropped my bags in my office. I seldom eat such a large breakfast these days, but maybe because it was raining outside, I craved for something I haven’t had for a long time. The spicy nasi lemak and the creamy milo ais, they can never go wrong. Because of the rain, I had to drive my car to work even though it is just 2 km away. My bad, I always lose my umbrella, guess umbrella and Izni would never meant to be together.
I don’t know what is the significance of writing about the humble nasi lemak and milo ais, but I feel like writing,something.
anyway, happy working! (even if you don’t feel like)
No matter how much you say and emphasize that you are really, really love me, I don’t know why I still feeling hollow, empty, unloved and ridiculously pathetic.
No, it is not about my self-esteem. I just feel incomplete but I’m unsure what are the things that went missing. It is like you have a very bright, good day – and out of nowhere it started to rain heavily, and then the beautiful sun shines again, the flower bloom again – and the rain comes again, without giving any signs. I’m at loss of words to describe exactly, but you see..this shitty feelings are killing me slowly.
You gave me an ultimate insecurity.
Maybe, just maybe I’m the one who’s being foolish over here and you were just saying words out of your consciousness.
Just arrived my bustling nest after 4 days of holiday including my sick leave today. Had a good rest in Bangi, in my sister’s house which feel closer to real home for me. I will start my routine again tomorrow, hopefully that will avoid me from being overthinking as hell.
Personally, I prefer Bangi-life instead of PJ-life because Bangi is a humble, relax and serene place. You hardly stuck in the massive jam even at 7pm or as rare as it sounds, – at 3 or 4 pm – which is normal to PJ. Bangi, I don’t know, it holds some values I can’t explain. Maybe partly because my dear sister is now residing there, i don’t know, but I love Bangi. I love my sister too lol.
I’m hoping my eye will be recovered as soon as possible. Last meeting, Chris brought up about Interior Designer visit. I just mentioned a firm that I used to liaise with, in fact I haven’t set any appointment with them yet. I don’t think I can meet anyone with this swollen eye. My self esteem is not at a good level now. So, I will not bother visiting them until my eye has recovered.
Coldplay will come to Singapore!!!! I can barely contain myself! I MUST go, I’ve been dreaming about losing myself in the crowds, with all those lovely songs of Coldplay.
Don’t know if my office’s temperature is the caused of sore throat I’m feeling right now. The aircond temperature in the office is terribly freezing cold, and to make it worse my desk is directly facing the aircond.
5.30 and traffic is already getting crazyas it used to be on Friday. Damp roads due to a short rain few hours ago and the smell of car exhausts masking the lovely scent of the-after-rain-grass. My both sisters mentioned their weekend would be packed of activities, and me..would be left out again. Haha. I don’t really have a solid idea on how to spend my weekend. Maybe just sleep like I’ve never sleep for a year, I don’t know. Let’s see. Or watching the movies that Anis always bragged about, ah that’s a good idea.
Hope my sore throat will find its way out. Otherwise I know what will follow. Flu and fever, I don’t want that.