The talk

“Izni, you have a lot of potential. You are young.  See, I soon will be totally moving to Event side, and you have a lot of new people here. You got chance to grow, Izni. What is your goal in this company? You’ve to have a goal”.

Had a great talk with C yesterday, I realised since I moved to my new place; we hadn’t get the chance to talk like we used to talk back then. I always like to talk to him among all the people here. It is just so comforting, that I think if he wants to quit working here, he could open up a counselling firm.  We just talked about M’s farewell dinner, until it dragged to a serious discussion, which I initiated it by “C, I am bored working here ”.

His first answer was –

Get married lah.

Funny C. I mean, why I need to get married? To be real honest, I have trust issue in marriage. I am afraid of getting married, no question about it. I am just afraid. Maybe I’m not ready yet for this time being, or maybe I will need to figure out about myself first before adding someone permanently in my life. I need to know the dos and don’ts when it involves my emotion & feeling. I can’t ‘fuck it, I will go for what I feel’, as sometimes world, sadly doesn’t always work out that way. Bloody fact.

But I know he was joking, and we laughed. What marriage can do when I bored working?

And he started to brag about my potential. Once in a while, having someone to tell you that you got potential, you can shine, and you can do this and that – it’s very inspiring.

When he asked me about my goal in this company, ah Goal..I used to have that. I don’t think I strongly consumed my then goal, if I did, I would never feel the shits I was feeling. Instead, I felt my current job was not taking me anywhere, a plain bullshit, and I was just doing whatever..for the sake of the stupid bills. I am a goal-person, so being goal-less really put me down.

“If you said you are bored, then do something about it. Go out meet people out there, connect to people, establish a strong networking, and make new friends. You do not necessarily to sit in the office all day long. Coming June 9th is my 11th anniversary; I love this company & job, that’s why I am still here”.

I nodded and we talked until it was 6.45 pm. I needed to go since it was too late.

It was a great talk; I agree to everything that he said, about work, about life and all. He is someone with wisdom. Needless to say, I feel motivated and have the gut again to face whatever I’m facing. Self-crisis is normal to me, and by talking and having someone to lift me up again is just what I need, sometimes.

How do I get married if me myself is a big mess? Marriage is not the only thing in life, so, chill.

Hungry, I think I will lunch alone at my favourite place. Got to go.  Till then.

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