This week has been so hectic. Too much things to do within short times. Felt like I almost lost my grip but I left with no choice but to continue hanging on. Passed my job evaluation and we are now in a new fiscal year. A memo sent by our Country Manager saying that our salary will only be deposited at the last day of the month starting this month pissed me off quite badly. I am disappointed and even raised this issue during my job evaluation. And my Manager calmly replied with “So, you have to control to avoid overspending”. I was like, don’t teach me on this, lady. She continued, “..but that doesn’t mean you wanna resign, right?”.
Well, I can’t really say it.
Manager gave a few feedbacks on my performance along my working period and asked me if I have any more things to raised up. The fact that she didn’t treat me fair enough few months back – the thought was just lingered around at the back of my mind alas it never passed my mouth. I knew she was trying to give N chance but why everytime when it comes to me, she treated me as if I am capable of everything in the world? I mean, giving people so many chances in certain things but still no change or improvement, what’s the damn point?
And the event things, you know it will be happening in coming August, just why on earth you didn’t highlight the tasks at the very early stage? Now it’s 2 weeks away and it is such a big mess when you push us to get the number up. With the crazy client’s enquiries piling up on me, and increasing of my target shortfalls daily, I just can’t wait for all these things to end. Not sure if I can walk out alive after all the storms ended.
Paid my roadtax and I am literally broke now. Haha! Iriz is now a year plus already and to be honest, owning a car this fast had never crossed my mind after I graduated. I was kind of person who used to believe I should buy a house first, then a car. But I realised it is not easy and I couldn’t imagine living without transportation. So, whatever. Car first, house later. Car is a need, not a “want” anymore in this 21st century.
Fizah is taking care of me like a baby, really. Everyday, she will ask me what I want to eat (she wants to cook & eat with me, using most of her groceries, leaving mine unused) and if I come home late, she will ask my whereabouts. She told me she is happy being with me. I am happy too, but sometimes it is tiring.
I am glad when someone finds me comforting to be around. She really feed me well. I remembered she always cook me dishes with cockles just because she knew it is my fav! She has been too kind and I have no idea what I’d done to deserve that kind of treat. But still, sometimes I found it “restricted” if you know what I mean.
Even with all the chaos, I still find myself feeling lonely. It is never wrong to admit that you’re lonely because its legit. It is not a low self esteem, nope. Not even pathetic. Loneliness is real and I kinda tired of being lonely. Me too longing for someone to lean on during good and bad times, to listen to all what I’ve got to rant at the end of my day. So, yeah. Even with all the luxuries Adam had back then in the Jannah, he still felt incomplete without his Eve.
With that, I think this is the longest post in this month (or in this year?).