Hopeless Prison

When it comes to Murakami’s books, I tend to take a longer time to finish. By ‘longer’ I mean, maybe more than 5 – 6 months since 1. I read books during selective weekend / night. 2. I love how he put things into picture until it seemed alive and as if the words themselves are talking to me hence I tend to have a lot of my kind-of- silent-moment upon his brilliant elaboration (I guess that what made him as a legendary writer). His words hit the right spot and yeah, he really is an excellent author no doubt about it.

In Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage, when Tsukuru dreamt he was in a great jealousy for the first time in his life, Murakami successfully (at least in my view) inserted “jealousy” into a vivid frame. It just feels the same like what I sometimes feel and finally, I found the right word – most hopeless prison. Being in state of jealousy is like being in a hopeless prison that you stepped in yourself. No matter how suffocated you are in the prison, you insist to stay for some odd reasons.

“Jealousy—at least as far as he understood it from his dream—was the most hopeless prison in the world. Jealousy was not a place he was forced into by someone else, but a jail in which the inmate entered voluntarily, locked the door, and threw away the key. And not another soul in the world knew he was locked inside. Of course if he wanted to escape he could do so. The prison, was after all, his own heart. But he couldn’t make that decision. His heart was as hard as a stone wall. This was the very essence of jealousy.” 

..exactly !


to many more posts about his quotes.

Fate is like sandstorm

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

-From my all-time favorite author Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore).


In a world

that only have me and you

– – i wish ; it is only me and you.

*saved as a draft since August 2015. Never had chance to complete this piece, perhaps it’s better to leave it in those 3 short lines. I published this now because somehow, I felt the same as I felt back then. The feeling hasn’t change, to my surprise 😀

Ultimate confusion

Dealing with an egoistic person, can make yourself drowning into a confusion. If they made mistakes, instead of saying ‘Yes, I made mistake, can you forgive me and give me one more chance?” they tend to say “It is a mistake, leave me for a while, I need my time”.

And, if you still wanna them in your life, you’ll find yourself clearing the air which supposed to be their responsibility. You’ll find yourself saying sorry yada yada yada just to bring back the good will because you know if you let it as it be, things will just remain the same for centuries. They would never try to lower down their pride and ego to make things right. So, even if you think it is not your fault (it really is) you’ll get confused why would you do all these like it was your fault. You lowered down your ego but they are still viewing you as the most terrible person in the world, and lost interest in you – which supposed to be vise versa. What an ultimate confusion.

If you don’t love them, and decided to throw them away after what had happened, you won’t bother to lower down your own ego and make things right. Instead, you’ll wait until they come to their sense and finally will say something warm which can make you accept them back (but you know it’s not going to happen).

So, my friend, that is how you found yourself trapped in a puzzle full of self-confusion when dealing with such personality. It is because you love them, you ignored your own pride; which sometimes kill you from inside, slowly. Even though you were so mad and need a sort of consolation, you consoled yourself and get your shit together- and say sorry to those who wronged you? Goodness, what a world. To make it more crazy, you don’t even mind doing all these. I guess, it is how powerful love can be.

or maybe it is just a plain stupidity that long-buried in yourself. Anyhow, when you delved into this below quote, maybe you are not that bad. Yea, you’re not that bad.

Forgiveness is the best form of love. It takes a strong person to say sorry and an even stronger person to forgive.