Morning rain & memories

I love the rain. I love the smell of the wet streets. I love the sound of the raindrops hitting the roof. I love the moisture in the air. I love the grayness of the sky. Some people might say that the definition of a bad weather is rainy weather, but I don’t think so. I think it’s so beautiful when it rains. You see a different side of people. You see a different side of the world. 

..especially morning rain.

 

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Hi there, August!

August! I hate to say this but really, time flies. August, 2 years ago I was in the midst of pursuing my Master Degree, not knowing how incompatible I am in the higher education system. I mean, system, procedures, and most importantly scientific research – totally isn’t in me. Needless to say, I went against the flow; I quit. Sorry not sorry Mom!

Being a Master or pHD holder doesn’t determine one’s success or failure. Well, of course they determine something on your achievement but overall, in life I personally think that attitude and mentality are what matter most. Everyone has their own view on life, we have different talent, goal and personality..erm wait why I bother explaining this thing. Lemme stop here before my essay gene shows up.

But anyway, I’ve been waiting for August since 2017 kicked in. We will be travelling to Yogyakarta, Indonesia for the first time! InsyaAllah. It is one of the places I really wanna experience. That means..it would be my 2nd time in the Land of Tempe, after Padang last year. I’m looking forward to visit other beautiful parts of Indonesia (and of course other astonishing parts around the globe too!).  Slowly but surely.

Stepping into August, so many things are left unachieved. On top of the list, it has always been ‘saving’. Hope to be wiser in financial planning. Also me: It’s pay day, let’s eyeing on the beautiful cardigans and shoes, and also eat whatever you’ve craved for since the entire time! – always the ‘other me’.

Happy August. Let’s do better.

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He’s back

He has finally come back.

I hope he knows how thankful I am having him around. Seeing him feels like home to me. Warm, and some kind of familiar feeling I couldn’t really put into words. I am still feeling like he’s far away at times, partly maybe because I was already get used to it since 2 months ago. I want to be always in front of his eyes, talking, laughing, and even in silence – in every way possible – I want to be with him.

Thanks for coming back. We are now in the same time zone (yes!). I don’t want to annoy you and be selfish but if possible, I wanna always, always be by your side during your good and bad times. Wanna reach you always, checking how you’re doing. But let me pretend I am cool.

I am cool. Yeah, lemme repeat it to myself.

Even more rants

This week has been so hectic. Too much things to do within short times. Felt like I almost lost my grip but I left with no choice but to continue hanging on. Passed my job evaluation and we are now in a new fiscal year. A memo sent by our Country Manager saying that our salary will only be deposited at the last day of the month starting this month pissed me off quite badly. I am disappointed and even raised this issue during my job evaluation. And my Manager calmly replied with “So, you have to control to avoid overspending”. I was like, don’t teach me on this, lady. She continued, “..but that doesn’t mean you wanna resign, right?”. 

Well, I can’t really say it. 

Manager gave a few feedbacks on my performance along my working period and asked me if I have any more things to raised up. The fact that she didn’t treat me fair enough few months back – the thought was just lingered around at the back of my mind alas it never passed my mouth. I knew she was trying to give N chance but why everytime when it comes to me, she treated me as if I am capable of everything in the world? I mean, giving people so many chances in certain things but still no change or improvement, what’s the damn point?

And the event things, you know it will be happening in coming August, just why on earth you didn’t highlight the tasks at the very early stage? Now it’s 2 weeks away and it is such a big mess when you push us to get the number up. With the crazy client’s enquiries piling up on me, and increasing of my target shortfalls daily, I just can’t wait for all these things to end. Not sure if I can walk out alive after all the storms ended. 

Paid my roadtax and I am literally broke now. Haha! Iriz is now a year plus already and to be honest, owning a car this fast had never crossed my mind after I graduated. I was kind of person who used to believe I should buy a house first, then a car. But I realised it is not easy and I couldn’t imagine living without transportation. So, whatever. Car first, house later. Car is a need, not a “want” anymore in this 21st century. 

Fizah is taking care of me like a baby, really. Everyday, she will ask me what I want to eat (she wants to cook & eat with me, using most of her groceries, leaving mine unused) and if I come home late, she will ask my whereabouts. She told me she is happy being with me. I am happy too, but sometimes it is tiring. 

I am glad when someone finds me comforting to be around. She really feed me well. I remembered she always cook me dishes with cockles just because she knew it is my fav! She has been too kind and I have no idea what I’d done to deserve that kind of treat. But still, sometimes I found it “restricted” if you know what I mean. 

Even with all the chaos, I still find myself feeling lonely. It is never wrong to admit that you’re lonely because its legit. It is not a low self esteem, nope. Not even pathetic. Loneliness is real and I kinda tired of being lonely. Me too longing for someone to lean on during good and bad times, to listen to all what I’ve got to rant at the end of my day. So, yeah. Even with all the luxuries Adam had back then in the Jannah, he still felt incomplete without his Eve. 

With that, I think this is the longest post in this month (or in this year?). 

Adios.

Can’t wait to get a dose (or two or moree) of this Thai Iced Tea during weekend. It soothes my stress! I love it unconditionally. So good I can’t explain it! ♡♡♡

It’s Monday

I walked briskly to work after a week plus sabbatical; with my favorite red headphone on, played ‘Sad Song’ by We The Kings. I could never get enough with the song to be honest, so I kinda nominated the song as my walk-to-work song, after Coldplay’s, of course. Gloomy weather and damp ground in the morning couldn’t set my ‘working’ mindset just yet. My mind keeps wandering around event by event. Needless to say, another part of me has already longing for the next weekend. Perfect morning like this has never meant to work ; silent, futile protest of mine roared from deep core of myself.

All of my 3 roommates had already moved out before Eid and last night, I came home to a new set of roommates. My dream to have at least a month of no-roommate-period obviously crushed down to pieces since I was told the area where I am living at is one of the hotspots around here. Once the vacant room / space are being advertised, people are hunting after it. So, yeah, 3 new roommates for me until further change. Privacy is still in my biggest wish list nonetheless, but let’s keep it for later, perhaps when I have enough bucks to afford the spiking, crazy price of single room / apartment around here.

This time, all of my roommates are Northern peeps! We speak our slang well, and it almost feels like home. So far, I believe they are all nice and have a decent attitude. Due to my seniority, I took the chance to brief on the room’s rule. Lol. Nothing much, it is all focusing on our light-off time since I’m very particular about this and luckily we shared the same genes on sleeping pattern. Once we achieved that mutual agreement, practically we are good to live together.

Working mood is still nowhere to be found especially when I came to office just to find out our main air cond isn’t functioning! It is warm in an unfavourable way. So, I just read my mails (300 in my personal’s) and few mails from clients which I don’t feel like replying in work’s ; and typing this for a good one hour. I missed several interesting topics in Quora, which I would like to catch up after posting this.

I’m trying to get back my green-tea-drinking-pattern after a week plus of drinking and eating SUGAR. In the meanwhile, let’s patiently wait for the upcoming weekend. Miss my bed already.

 

Eid remarks

So, eid for me literally has ended with this very last feast in our neighborhood just now. I am so done with eating, really. I believed I gained some kilos from these 6 days’ eating activities! No regret though, foods were superb, irresistible! (Now let’s think on how to shed the kilos, ugh).

I’ll have to head back to PJ tomorrow morning  to resume whatever things I’d left there. That means, work, work and work and breath in between. My overdue car roadtax and employee evaluation are waiting for me when I’m back. Need to work harder. I don’t know where it leads me to, but let’s just work harder. 

After a few years of not having an open house, we (mom, initially) planned to make it a little bigger this time, and we were busy and worn out like no one’s business, that we came to an agreement – if any one of us wanna get married, we will have it somewhere else like in a public hall or hotel or wherever, as long as not in our sweet home. 

Unavoidable question during eid – am I going to get married soon? Yeah, soon I answered. Whatever. 

Met a few close friends and families, such a good time to catch up with them . The rest, let’s pictures do the talking. No food pictures since well, you know I don’t snap pic when I’m hungry (and am always hungry lol). 

My favourite photo – Us three with our beloved moms. I love both of them dearly, always in my prayers. 

Ok. Cheeky me. Lets skip this picture. 

These 2 people who deadly wanna meet me after 2 years! We met and had some good laughs. 

So that’s all. Still lotsss of pic in my phone gallery and I’m so lazy to upload here. I had a blast and blessed to have beloved family around. Just that,..nevermind. Hope your eid as cheerful as mine. 

Withering petals

I am the kind of girl who leaves dying flowers on my desk because I still can find beauty in the withering petals.

It reminds me of many things. Beauty in dying flowers – and hope.

Flowers are without hope, as they say. Because hope is tomorrow and flowers have no tomorrow.

In a way, it also reflects on loneliness. Loneliness, is mysterious. It haunts and consumes you slowly until you become comfortable of being lonely, and at the same time without you realising you’re dying slowly from inside – yet it has become a comfortable dying. 

Flowers, hope, beauty & loneliness – everything is a damn process.

Disappointed citizen

Bad day at work. 

I was tired with all the dramas brought by government staffs (disclaimer: not all, some). Sorry to say but almost all the staffs I liaised with had some attitude problems. Those who are kind, are too kind! Really appreciate them! But majorly, well, you know..

Too bad, recently I was tired handling life and today, I was like an errupted volcano. I made a call to this respective government office and spoke to the staffs there and they treated me like a terrorist (couldn’t be more accurate than this). I was treated like that since forever and I couldn’t take it any longer. So, I digged out from their website about the Head of the Department, Head of the Agency and I found an email specifically to lodge a complaint. So, I reported whatever I feel like, of course by using a very decent and formal Bahasa Melayu. I clicked send. Then another essay to the Head of the Department, sent. 

Within several minutes, the recipient of the email that I sent my complaints to, forwarded it to all the staffs in the department (yes including the staffs I spoke to before), Cc all the Heads, with a reply of “Pls take action” kinda email. 

They will hate the email, I believe. It was really a blunt email I know but can’t they be more reliable and make sense? Just what are they doing in the comfy & luxury office? Worst, government spend some millions to pay for their annual bonus, festival bonus, just to name a few – while their work productivity, mentalities and services are not even something to be proud of.

(Nope, private sector companies don’t even get any pennies from whatever bonuses. Dream on!).

Really, I’m not envy about all the bonuses they got but come on, be professional. Be open minded, big hearted, improve on working attitude and mentality, be hardworking, always take initiative, or at least, try to be a kind human. 

Whatever, I am just tired.