Morning rain & memories

I love the rain. I love the smell of the wet streets. I love the sound of the raindrops hitting the roof. I love the moisture in the air. I love the grayness of the sky. Some people might say that the definition of a bad weather is rainy weather, but I don’t think so. I think it’s so beautiful when it rains. You see a different side of people. You see a different side of the world. 

..especially morning rain.

 

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Keep going

Hot shower what makes me going everyday. I mean, reason to wake up, first thing first – hot shower (no longer checking my phone lol) and tornado in the kitchen started for the sake of a decent breakfast and lunch. Such a critical 30 minutes of my life,either I make it, or break it!

I actually declared this month as a non or less-spending month for some reasons. So come rain or shine, I have to slot in cooking in my daily schedule.

I got my self busy since 3 days ago, I work until I barely breath. 8 – 5, and 6 – 11 daily. I promise to work hard and forget about whatever nonsense things in the world. I need to really come to my sense. I have other things to do, too.

I am so tired but I’ll keep this one going.

Everything else is just noise.

Letter to Fizah

Dear Confused Fizah,

From what I heard and saw, I know how difficult it is for you to face this sad reality. That’s the sad truth about life my dear friend- people come and go no matter how hard you want them to stay. When A left our rent apartment, I knew exactly how empty you felt as you were very close to her and hence, you turned to me, started to be my best buddy. Juggling between my job and another job, I knew lately, we were not as close as we used to, plus with a bunch of my new roommates who were also started to get close to me – I started to feel bad if you’ve ever felt left out. In fact, you were already feeling that as you told me that night when I returned home late & tired, hanging out at our usual couch.

You told me that you are missing A so bad, and that you are not too compatible with my new roommates. Also, with your current work pressure – you are afraid of facing the work load since your manager soon will resign; you are not confident to step further in your career due to your health condition. You also mentioned how bad it is to be at 26, but going nowhere in your life. I can see the sadness and insecurity at the edge of your eyes. It’s dark like an abandoned tunnel.

I lost count on how many times I said that it’s okay for us to be where we are now.  Everyone has their own pace, and growing up is not determined solely by how much our salary is, or what kind of position we hold in the company. The level of life is not that narrow. Instead, take the challenges as a way to grow up and gain new experience and knowledge. I know it is hard, sometimes to be positive when everything seemed to be wrong and plain. But trust me, just chin up and walk through all the storms. You will be surprise on how capable you are, and that you are actually, not that bad. Be confident in facing whatever life has brought to you. Get a grip on yourself.

People come and go. That’s what happened in my room, to say the least. In a year, my roommates keep changing at least 2 times.  I’ve lost my best mate, Salina before. I was so close with her and we shared the same thought and mind, but when she said she needed to move out for good, I didn’t feel lost and accept that maybe it is good for her to move out. It’s her life after all. Growing up, I learn to detach because apparently, people and things are impermanent. We can’t let our fate of happiness determined by the existence of something or someone. Happiness needs to be found within ourselves. It is more than that you know. I am not all positive and perfect myself, but I am learning to fathom the art of living, and I think you should too. Perhaps what you can do now is to step out from your insecurity zone, believe in yourself and just walk on the flaring fire.

Feeling empty when A left? – It’s her life. You got yours too.

Not compatible with the new comers? – Try to adapt, otherwise you can always live by yourself. No one is forcing you to be best friend with them. Just a simple hi and bye will do, I guess?

Work load? – See it as a chance to shine!

As the saying goes..

And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.

Hope you will be just fine 🙂

Sincerely,

Still your best friend.

Jeti Semeling, Sungai Petani

I couldn’t keep track when was exactly the last time we, families enjoyed sunset together. Chilling out while watching how beautiful the sun setting down at this Semeling Jetty..it was indescribable feeling. The colour of the horizon, the reflection of the sun on the water, the breeze..I swear it is an astounding scene.

Such a good place to escape from the bustling city, and keep up with the loved ones. Such a relaxing escape.

Baby, lemme bring you there so that it would be only you and me – and the stunningly yellow horizon.

We watching how the sun swallows the sky..what’s more to ask?

Okay so here are the unedited images. Really, unedited. Enjoy!

xoxo

People are just as lovely
as sunsets,

You just have to be watching
at all the right times.

-Sunsets Within Us-

Hi there, August!

August! I hate to say this but really, time flies. August, 2 years ago I was in the midst of pursuing my Master Degree, not knowing how incompatible I am in the higher education system. I mean, system, procedures, and most importantly scientific research – totally isn’t in me. Needless to say, I went against the flow; I quit. Sorry not sorry Mom!

Being a Master or pHD holder doesn’t determine one’s success or failure. Well, of course they determine something on your achievement but overall, in life I personally think that attitude and mentality are what matter most. Everyone has their own view on life, we have different talent, goal and personality..erm wait why I bother explaining this thing. Lemme stop here before my essay gene shows up.

But anyway, I’ve been waiting for August since 2017 kicked in. We will be travelling to Yogyakarta, Indonesia for the first time! InsyaAllah. It is one of the places I really wanna experience. That means..it would be my 2nd time in the Land of Tempe, after Padang last year. I’m looking forward to visit other beautiful parts of Indonesia (and of course other astonishing parts around the globe too!).  Slowly but surely.

Stepping into August, so many things are left unachieved. On top of the list, it has always been ‘saving’. Hope to be wiser in financial planning. Also me: It’s pay day, let’s eyeing on the beautiful cardigans and shoes, and also eat whatever you’ve craved for since the entire time! – always the ‘other me’.

Happy August. Let’s do better.

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What’s happening?

Today started off just like every other day. Pretty normal, rushed to do my breakfast on the kitchen counter while glancing at the clock displayed on my cracked screen phone, which sometimes it crossed my mind to change this baby to a new Samsung S8, my forever crush – but that would cost me nearly 5k, which is a big, bold No No for now. I would rather use the money to travel or whatsoever, but anyway, breakfast went well. I walked out quite early remembering all of my unfinished tasks in the office. I tried to finish it last night but Fizah kept sitting beside me, observing every single movement I made on my laptop. Lol.

Then, weird things started to happen.

When I was walking, I realised I forgot my water bottle (if you know me, water bottle is like my twin, so me forgetting it, seemed..kinda unusual) . Not just that, I also forgot my charger and my wireless headphone started to beep; showing its flat battery. So, it was a silent walk, without music. Beautiful morning nonetheless.

KC, my Manager emailed me yesterday that Christine, the Marketing Manager wanted to observe me doing my work. She is in Marketing, I couldn’t fathom why she needs to know about my work, but anyway I agreed. Who am I to disagree with KC? It would be a futile argument if I protest. We agreed that she will sit beside me starting from 10 am.

It was 10 am and she didn’t show up. I went to her place and confidently asked “Christine, it’s 10 am, you are going to sit beside me, right?”, Then she looked kinda blur..and YZ in front of her seat said “Erm, I think Christine went to the Singapore office for a training today”. I looked at Christine (as in my assumption)..and realized she is not Christine! I mistook her as Christine because their figure and all are seriously alike. I know Christine, and even talked to her some time ago. Then, I replied “Ouh really? I thought she will have a session with me? How come she went to Singapore?”, then I just thanked them and walked to my desk. I was so embarrassed, why I mistook Joanna as Christine. Shame!

I sat on my chair and emailed KC about the matter. I replied with something like “YZ informed me that Christine went to Singapore, maybe we can arrange some other time when she’s back”. Confident. Sent.

It just happened that I re-read her email, and guess what; it supposed to be on this coming Friday. Not freaking today. What I was hassling about? Then I sent the email back to KC telling her that I thought it is today. Double shame.

I mean, what’s wrong with me? Things couldn’t get weirder than this!

..and this earl grey tea to calm me down. Still can’t move on.

It’s Monday

I walked briskly to work after a week plus sabbatical; with my favorite red headphone on, played ‘Sad Song’ by We The Kings. I could never get enough with the song to be honest, so I kinda nominated the song as my walk-to-work song, after Coldplay’s, of course. Gloomy weather and damp ground in the morning couldn’t set my ‘working’ mindset just yet. My mind keeps wandering around event by event. Needless to say, another part of me has already longing for the next weekend. Perfect morning like this has never meant to work ; silent, futile protest of mine roared from deep core of myself.

All of my 3 roommates had already moved out before Eid and last night, I came home to a new set of roommates. My dream to have at least a month of no-roommate-period obviously crushed down to pieces since I was told the area where I am living at is one of the hotspots around here. Once the vacant room / space are being advertised, people are hunting after it. So, yeah, 3 new roommates for me until further change. Privacy is still in my biggest wish list nonetheless, but let’s keep it for later, perhaps when I have enough bucks to afford the spiking, crazy price of single room / apartment around here.

This time, all of my roommates are Northern peeps! We speak our slang well, and it almost feels like home. So far, I believe they are all nice and have a decent attitude. Due to my seniority, I took the chance to brief on the room’s rule. Lol. Nothing much, it is all focusing on our light-off time since I’m very particular about this and luckily we shared the same genes on sleeping pattern. Once we achieved that mutual agreement, practically we are good to live together.

Working mood is still nowhere to be found especially when I came to office just to find out our main air cond isn’t functioning! It is warm in an unfavourable way. So, I just read my mails (300 in my personal’s) and few mails from clients which I don’t feel like replying in work’s ; and typing this for a good one hour. I missed several interesting topics in Quora, which I would like to catch up after posting this.

I’m trying to get back my green-tea-drinking-pattern after a week plus of drinking and eating SUGAR. In the meanwhile, let’s patiently wait for the upcoming weekend. Miss my bed already.

 

Ramadhan is leaving

The King of all the Months is slowly departing us. 3 more days before Eid, I am reflecting on my Ramadhan journey. Was it good enough, did I take it for granted, or what changes has it brings / impacts me.

I stumbled upon an article from Virtual Mosque website and this one paragraph right here is too good not to share, so here it is:

We end this month with the intention to continue fasting, praying and doing good. Ramadan is a month of change that is meant to give us a spiritual cleansing that will last us the whole year. The virtues of fasting and praying do not end after we celebrate Eid; rather, Eid should be the beginning of a new chapter for us to continue doing the habits we started in Ramadan. We can continue reading the Qur’an, fasting Mondays and Thursdays, or the White Days (the 13th-15th of each lunar month), and we can pray the night prayers every night (or once a week).

We’ve tasted the sweetness of standing during the night; we’ve tasted the sweetness of raising our hands to Allah (swt) in supplication; we’ve tasted the sweetness of breaking our fast after a long day; we’ve tasted the sweetness of giving charity.

Continuing these habits after Ramadan may be difficult, but now you know that you can do it. The sacrifices we’ve made during this month to take full advantage of it have shown us that developing good habits and a strong spiritual relationship with Allah (swt) is not out of our reach. We’ve done it, so now can we continue it? One of the great past scholars, ibn Rajab (ra) says: “Be cautious of returning to enslavement after having been freed.”

So we ask Allah (swt), the One who guided us to worship Him in Ramadan, to help us continue in our worship and good deeds. Remember that Ramadan has left us but the One who created this month will never leave. He is Living and His reward is Everlasting.

This time around, suffice to say that this Ramadhan is a calm and peaceful one, for me personally (for several reasons). I learned to change some things (slowly but surely) in myself and I owed this noble month for teaching me to develop my patience.

I was (still 40% am) a big impatient person since the entire time, always do and want things in hurry like I was in an undefined war. I’m allergic to waiting. I don’t like slow things and slow people, and procedures, protocols and shit-load more things that might induce the sleeping demon inside me to wake up. I understand that we can demand all the things in this whole planet, work into it day in and day out but sometimes we forget that it is The One who decides.

Hence, it makes me think that, there is no need to hassle or claim my dissatisfaction or whatsoever because you know, what’s bound to happen will find its way, somehow. Overall, I can feel myself developing into a more matured being. Not saying a fully matured, but at least in several significant aspects. Well, to be honest I am still an immature, pre-mature 25 years old lady in many (MANY) ways but yeah, in some aspects, my maturity is improving. Maybe it’s just me having a weird delusion, but whatever, anyway.

With this full-of- lessons-month is leaving us, I hope and pray that we would never stop from learning towards betterment. I pray all the deeds we planted during Ramadhan can be a shady, fruitful tree for us in the hereafter. We make mistakes because we are human, hey obviously. But I believe there is always a room for improvement.

Be kind, be generous, don’t take people for granted, be positive and motivated, and be the best version of yourself.

This is a rather long post undeniably, thanks for those who read until the full stop. You know who you are, stay awesome.

 

Withering petals

I am the kind of girl who leaves dying flowers on my desk because I still can find beauty in the withering petals.

It reminds me of many things. Beauty in dying flowers – and hope.

Flowers are without hope, as they say. Because hope is tomorrow and flowers have no tomorrow.

In a way, it also reflects on loneliness. Loneliness, is mysterious. It haunts and consumes you slowly until you become comfortable of being lonely, and at the same time without you realising you’re dying slowly from inside – yet it has become a comfortable dying. 

Flowers, hope, beauty & loneliness – everything is a damn process.