Spaghetti with black paper & garlic broth

So simple, and satisfying ♡♡

I love this kind of simple food. Such a minimalistic! It is just water, onion, garlic (I love garlic!), sprinkle of salts, a tablespoon of oyster sauce, cabbage and broccoli – and yes, spaghetti or angel hair of course. 

*Long weekend has come to the end. Will get back in work starting tomorrow, sure it would be a tough week since I just have 4 days to meet my monthly target. This coming May onwards, things will be a little bit different, in some aspects. I will have to brace myself, keep calm and just go with the flow. All will be fine.

Just follow the flow, just follow the flow…Promise.

Welcome back!

This site is back on air. After some spring-cleaning, and a moment of hibernating I just hope the posts here would be more matured. 

You know, in life there are times where you hate yourself for being you, or feel like you’re such a waste of space, or being so damn insecure about things around you but guess what? Life goes on, with you or without you. It is perfectly fine to feel that way once in a while, but don’t forget to return and love yourself even more harder. If you don’t love yourself, who else will?

Till then! 

A sky full of stars

I don’t care if I’m the loneliest human on earth as long as I have this kind of sky – and this kind of stars staring at me – and this kind of passing meteor – and this kind of milky way – and..even without all the beautiful kinds, when you’re lonely and alone, you have to accept it no matter what. Deal with it and enjoy the buzzing darkness and loneliness that surround you like a weird, dangerous and hungry predator from the dark sea floor.

I don’t care, go on and tear me apart, loneliness.


Selfish?

I arrived home at PJ in the midst of pitch black sky, before the dawn. Saw an Indian aunty walked carrying a bag, well, it’s a usual sight. Everybody seemed to catch on LRT, bus or whatnot to start off their day. Parked my car, unloaded my things after a few good days of respite..and was deadly shocked when the aunty appeared behind me out of nowhere. She ambushed me with some morning preach sounded like..

“Hey, next time when you wanna park at this hour, be sure to off your car light. You might flash into people’s house and they might get awake from sleep, plus it is too early”

Startled, I just replied ‘Oh I see”.

First, I was DEADLY shocked to be greeted suddenly at that hour.

Second, how do I drive without the light? How do I park? What if I bumped into the big van parked beside my car park space? I am sure it will cost higher than that to awake people from their deep sleep because of my innocent car light. Oh come on.

My metatarsus is still paining me. Hope it won’t get any worse because I need my sound feet to walk to my working place every single day.

Thinking about the morning preach given by the aunty..am I selfish? Do I need to really turn off the car light for the sake of the neighbours’ beauty sleep?

Long post about petty things

8 hours of working today felt like forever. Not sure was it because of the usual Monday Blues or because I will be on a long holiday at the end of this week. Maybe both.

It was even tiring to be around people and keep professional. It drained me out to communicate with people whenever i don’t feel like to. 

Out of all days, KC ; The Manager called me today. Since there were a bunch of new comers came in few months back, she said, she doesn’t want me to feel left out. I didn’t, even a bit, to be frank. She asked my opinion about the company’s situation, our department, her leadership style, the new comers’ personality, and if I am satisfied with my current salary and commission. 

Worst, she asked me to shift my place since we are expecting a new comer in April. I mean, that is my place since one year plus ago and sure it holds its own sentimental value. Ah, I will miss the place dearly and getting accustomed to a new desk, a new corner..well, lets just try to get used to it. I couldn’t insist to be there even though I really want to do so. Made me realised that in life, we can’t get everything we want. That philosophy aside, its just a change of place, Izni. So, chill.

I asked her if it would be possible for me to relocate to another branch and she said, sure. I just need to tell her when I want to do so, so that she can arrange for that. I didn’t expect that kind of reply, and knowing how easy it is for me to change to another branch, somehow made me relieved.

Returned to my rent apartment, my roommate ambushed me with stories. How our another housemate hid the kettle in her room, how she was kind of offended when my roommate refused to accompany her to the dobby. And another group of the housemates made up a gang, eating in their room like we are going to interfere with their food. I don’t really mind about these matters to be honest since I’m just care about myself but hey, that is wayyyy too childish. Like, come on girls, act like a grown up girl. 

Time like this, where I don’t really like crowd and people..how nice if I own a house and stay alone with people I dearly love who can bear with my seasonal personality. Speaking of which, who likes me anyway. Who can stay put with my odd self? Maybe I should just get married to myself. 

Finally got myself batteries for my old bluetooth keyboard. Hence this long post. I will be back in writing field InsyaAllah. This time, maybe I’ll focus more on academic topic instead of nonsense, mushy short stories like I did before. Lol. I can’t even re-read my old short stories. It feels erghh to the core. But for the sake of memory, I will keep them save. 

Till then. Just hope tomorrow will be better. 

Hopeless Prison

When it comes to Murakami’s books, I tend to take a longer time to finish. By ‘longer’ I mean, maybe more than 5 – 6 months since 1. I read books during selective weekend / night. 2. I love how he put things into picture until it seemed alive and as if the words themselves are talking to me hence I tend to have a lot of my kind-of- silent-moment upon his brilliant elaboration (I guess that what made him as a legendary writer). His words hit the right spot and yeah, he really is an excellent author no doubt about it.

In Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage, when Tsukuru dreamt he was in a great jealousy for the first time in his life, Murakami successfully (at least in my view) inserted “jealousy” into a vivid frame. It just feels the same like what I sometimes feel and finally, I found the right word – most hopeless prison. Being in state of jealousy is like being in a hopeless prison that you stepped in yourself. No matter how suffocated you are in the prison, you insist to stay for some odd reasons.

“Jealousy—at least as far as he understood it from his dream—was the most hopeless prison in the world. Jealousy was not a place he was forced into by someone else, but a jail in which the inmate entered voluntarily, locked the door, and threw away the key. And not another soul in the world knew he was locked inside. Of course if he wanted to escape he could do so. The prison, was after all, his own heart. But he couldn’t make that decision. His heart was as hard as a stone wall. This was the very essence of jealousy.” 

..exactly !

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to many more posts about his quotes.

The Good Old Days 

8 years ago, I was one of the SPM candidates who wasn’t too nervous about my SPM result. I sat the exam at my second secondary school, a school where I, literally, started to learn on how to control myself from making whatever sauces I’m eating from spilling out on my school uniform. Lol, well that was pretty much sum up my sophomore age. 

I didn’t care much about anything in the world except –

1. Study really hard to be on top of my class, which uhm I actually did. School. Tuition. Revision. Read. EAT. Sleep. Repeat.

2. Begging my mom to buy my favourite Science magazine every week.

Wasn’t quite nervous on the day when the result was announced. I was all prepared to accept what’s coming my way since I knew I did my very best in everything. My parents are not “You better get a good result otherwise I’ll punish you” sorta parents. In fact, they are very cool when it comes to exam results. I remembered when I got the lowest mark ever in Arabic Language paper (I got 16/100, graded as..F? or maybe G I don’t know but it was really bad) – I thought they will be sad or look down on me but to my surprise they brought me to a good restaurant and treat me with a good meal as if I got the highest mark in every subject. 

I asked my mom why did she bring me to celebrate my failure. She answered, grade isn’t everything. She didn’t care how bad my grade was as long as I got the right attitude. Attitude and personality over grade, and always put the best effort in everything – the kind of thought are all rooted from her. I learned how to see things in a big picture not just grade on papers. 

Well, back to the result, out of 11 subjects, I got A for 8 of them. Satisfied and I applied for medic and got an offer at Egypt and an interview  in USM. Allah knows best, I wasn’t quite matured back then. I messed up the interview and decline the Egypt offer. (Grateful it happened since I just discovered that I chickened out when I see blood and wound!). 

That’s pretty much it. It’s just feel good remembering the good old days. 

Till then, my flight is calling. 

What and who I don’t like

1. Drinking coffee. (I enjoy the aromatic smell though).

2. Tofu

3. Runny eggs

4. Hot-tempered human being.

5. Low confident level

5. Negative minded people

6. Lack of sleep

7. Ironing clothes

8. Relentless routine

9. Hypocrite people (who likes them anyway?)

10. Liars

11. Lizard. Lizard. Lizard.

12. Cartoon.

13. When people make some damages to my books.

14. Bossy people and those who feel like they have all the power in the world (but they have not).

15. Feeling of lost (I always feel this during my early 20s).

16. Going to hospital / clinic in times of sick or healthy.

17. Taking medicine, especially the big tablets.

18. Sleeping with light on.

19. Routine & being sedentary

20. Carrot

21. Cat (yes, you heard it right).

Friday Blues

I think I’m not the only one who is having Friday Blues today especially when yesterday was holiday and tomorrow is Saturday! If and only if I have a plenty of unused leaves, I wouldn’t be here today, I’ll be enjoying my whole day on my lovely bed and read books instead (while overthinking in between lols).

February, I started to enforce my resolution – bring my own lunchbox as frequent as possible – and I kinda get used to it. It is fun, healthy and simple. By bringing my own food, I am aware of every bit of ingredient / nutrition that goes down into my body system. I am also increasing my water intake, from the inconsistent 2 – 3 L, to the slightly stable 4 – 5 L per day ; which consists of at least 2 L of detox tea. I’m happy to see the results so far. My skin is becoming clearer, no more indigestion, and my body feels lighter. I’m not sure about the pounds since I am quite afraid to put myself on the scale, don’t wanna sound cocky, but yeah I think I’ve been shedding some pounds 😛

A lot of thoughts running in my mind these days. Growing up is not easy. You need to figure out things in your life and put a solid decision on it. At some points, it feels plain stupid for not being able to do what should have done – and for not being able to take control of whatever shits I’m feeling. Life is like that Izni, you are allured by things which is not yours.

Enough of the rant, I started to miss my bed already and it’s just 10.11 am. Damn.

raw

 

February

They said January is like a free trial month, and so yeah the free trial month is now over and here comes the real one – the Fabulous February!

So, how was your January?

I’ve become clearer of what I wanna achieve this year when Feb comes.

  1. As lame as it sounds, yeah hopefully can shed some pounds. Positive & healthy lifestyle, less junk food, invest more on real food.
  2. Spend more time on books than media socials. Can’t tolerate on this, 2017 is a definite reading year for me.
  3. Appreciate parents more.
  4. Write & publish.
  5. SAVING (Okay, this is the hardest).
  6. Always be grateful.

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