Hopeless Prison

When it comes to Murakami’s books, I tend to take a longer time to finish. By ‘longer’ I mean, maybe more than 5 – 6 months since 1. I read books during selective weekend / night. 2. I love how he put things into picture until it seemed alive and as if the words themselves are talking to me hence I tend to have a lot of my kind-of- silent-moment upon his brilliant elaboration (I guess that what made him as a legendary writer). His words hit the right spot and yeah, he really is an excellent author no doubt about it.

In Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage, when Tsukuru dreamt he was in a great jealousy for the first time in his life, Murakami successfully (at least in my view) inserted “jealousy” into a vivid frame. It just feels the same like what I sometimes feel and finally, I found the right word – most hopeless prison. Being in state of jealousy is like being in a hopeless prison that you stepped in yourself. No matter how suffocated you are in the prison, you insist to stay for some odd reasons.

“Jealousy—at least as far as he understood it from his dream—was the most hopeless prison in the world. Jealousy was not a place he was forced into by someone else, but a jail in which the inmate entered voluntarily, locked the door, and threw away the key. And not another soul in the world knew he was locked inside. Of course if he wanted to escape he could do so. The prison, was after all, his own heart. But he couldn’t make that decision. His heart was as hard as a stone wall. This was the very essence of jealousy.” 

..exactly !

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to many more posts about his quotes.

Fate is like sandstorm

“Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

-From my all-time favorite author Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore).

Whole wheat fusili

It just came to my mind to buy this whole wheat pasta (this week is fusili) and make it as a star for my lunch box. What’s the difference between the normal (white) & whole wheat pasta? Well, the whole scientific explanation you can always google that but in short, it lies on their processing method which make them hold different nutritional benefits. It’s just the same concept with the white & brown rice. While some people complaining the flavorless of the whole wheat foods, strangely I found them quite unique and acceptable on my taste bud ; not too say very delicious, it would sound hypocrite but yes, I can eat them for a long term period.

So, until I get bored – this is it – Garlic Fusili with potatoes & broccoli. I swear this is a damn easy recipe. You just need:

  1. Garlic (2-3 cloves)
  2. Olive oil
  3. Salt & black paper
  4. Anything you wanna add (chicken, veggies, prawn, egg, just to name a few)

It is a low calorie meal & the taste is sooo good. You gotta try it!

2016 in review

  1. 2016 is a struggle year for me. A struggle to find my own path, to really discover what I’m gonna do with my life-and I fought hard, and somehow was able to see a little sunshine at the end of that dark tunnel.
  2. Early 2016, I’ve done something unexpected. I totally quit my Master Degree because I don’t really like the idea of it. It is a decision that I’ll never forget. That would be an evergreen record in my life, remembering how far I can go just to make myself happy again.
  3. When reality hits me hard, I realized I should be playing a ‘role’ in this very society. It was when I started to push myself to search for a job to make a better living. I decided to stay longer in one place, and see the potential it brings.
  4. ..and I did. I stayed in this current company for like uhm 10 months now. Such a huge achievement of myself! (Instead of my 3-days-working experience back then 5-6 years ago 😛 )
  5. After 5 months of working, I bought a decent car, Alhamdulillah. The process of buying the car was somehow..weird and unexpected though. After my beloved Kancil lost when I parked around my apartment (I miss you buddy!), my sister’s car involved in an accident. So, we had no transport for quite some times (since we’re not in Kedah), hence I was thinking to buy one, and the next morning, I took Uber straight to the Car Showroom Centre. I was eyeing this particular car, and decided to buy it on the spot. I settled all the documents needed, and within 3 days, I got my first car after 24 years old. And all the process of buying the car, all by myself. Alone. But I enjoyed the experience well!
  6. Started to learn how to say NO. Well, this is something that I’m still trying to master. I’m an easy person, so anything that doesn’t harm me I tend to just say Yes. But you know, there are some things in life you should say No to.
  7. Most importantly, I know I grew so much in this year. With all the the things that I got through along this year, I believe I have become a stronger person in every aspect. I started to have a stable foundation of self-confident, I believe in myself when people around me refused to. I love myself more, and I do the best for myself.
  8. I knew someone that I think I wanna settle down with. But there would be a great challenge ahead if I decided to do so. I don’t really know if I can cope with what’s coming, but yeah let’s see.
  9. With about 15 minutes before my birthdate, Happy 24th Bithday for me! I’m still busy with my working stuffs during this hour, but I love it, so no issue 😀
  10. These past 2 years were great. I would never forget all those journey.

With that, let the saying of Nayyirah Waheed stirs up your soul for a while:

“if
the ocean
can calm itself,
so can you.
we
are both
salt water
mixed with
air”.

  {I don’t really get why – we are both salt water mixed with air- but I love this quote so much! It connects me to something..to ocean? Idk.}

 

nasi lemak

Just finished my nasi lemak and milo ais which I bought after I dropped my bags in my office. I seldom eat such a large breakfast these days, but maybe because it was raining outside, I craved for something I haven’t had for a long time. The spicy nasi lemak and the creamy milo ais, they can never go wrong. Because of the rain, I had to drive my car to work even though it is just 2 km away. My bad, I always lose my umbrella, guess umbrella and Izni would never meant to be together.

I don’t know what is the significance of writing about the humble nasi lemak and milo ais, but I feel like writing,something.

anyway, happy working! (even if you don’t feel like)

RIP privacy

So, early next month, I will have 3 roommates. There will be 4 peoples in this room, including me. Well, it’s something that..urm I don’t really favor.

My trip to Indonesia is getting nearer. I haven’t plan anything yet for the trip. The weirdest thing is..Fiqah can’t make it to the trip! It will be Denah and me with her families, isn’t weird and awkward? hahaah. Denah & me are now working on the strategies on how to blend in and present ourselves in front of them. Thinking of that..hmm.. I can’t really imagine how awkward we will be. Hopefully all is well. I know I have to push my ‘friendly’ mode out. I don’t know..let see how it goes.

The reason why Fiqah dropped herself from this trip was quite..cute (?). Her cat is having a hard time. It suffers from a disease which is incurable.

So, cat and animal lovers out there, claps for her. She’s an excellent cat lover!

Back to my new roommates, I have no chance to meet them yet, hopefully they’re okay. RIP my privacy, till we meet again.