Talk

Having team sharing session today. MJ asked us, 2 seniors (I’m the most baby among 2) to share on how do we cope with target, rejections, and challenges we face all these while.

It was when I realised how much I like to encourage and motivate people, as much as I love to motivate my inner self to stay strong and perform.

I just like doing such talk. It is fresh. 

Friday has come to the end. Finally, I can rest after the chaos week. I am just tired in and out. 

Long post about petty things

8 hours of working today felt like forever. Not sure was it because of the usual Monday Blues or because I will be on a long holiday at the end of this week. Maybe both.

It was even tiring to be around people and keep professional. It drained me out to communicate with people whenever i don’t feel like to. 

Out of all days, KC ; The Manager called me today. Since there were a bunch of new comers came in few months back, she said, she doesn’t want me to feel left out. I didn’t, even a bit, to be frank. She asked my opinion about the company’s situation, our department, her leadership style, the new comers’ personality, and if I am satisfied with my current salary and commission. 

Worst, she asked me to shift my place since we are expecting a new comer in April. I mean, that is my place since one year plus ago and sure it holds its own sentimental value. Ah, I will miss the place dearly and getting accustomed to a new desk, a new corner..well, lets just try to get used to it. I couldn’t insist to be there even though I really want to do so. Made me realised that in life, we can’t get everything we want. That philosophy aside, its just a change of place, Izni. So, chill.

I asked her if it would be possible for me to relocate to another branch and she said, sure. I just need to tell her when I want to do so, so that she can arrange for that. I didn’t expect that kind of reply, and knowing how easy it is for me to change to another branch, somehow made me relieved.

Returned to my rent apartment, my roommate ambushed me with stories. How our another housemate hid the kettle in her room, how she was kind of offended when my roommate refused to accompany her to the dobby. And another group of the housemates made up a gang, eating in their room like we are going to interfere with their food. I don’t really mind about these matters to be honest since I’m just care about myself but hey, that is wayyyy too childish. Like, come on girls, act like a grown up girl. 

Time like this, where I don’t really like crowd and people..how nice if I own a house and stay alone with people I dearly love who can bear with my seasonal personality. Speaking of which, who likes me anyway. Who can stay put with my odd self? Maybe I should just get married to myself. 

Finally got myself batteries for my old bluetooth keyboard. Hence this long post. I will be back in writing field InsyaAllah. This time, maybe I’ll focus more on academic topic instead of nonsense, mushy short stories like I did before. Lol. I can’t even re-read my old short stories. It feels erghh to the core. But for the sake of memory, I will keep them save. 

Till then. Just hope tomorrow will be better. 

Shortfall

So exhausted these days. Chris urged us to take our shortfalls down to zero or negative and send him our productivity report at the end of the working hour. I just bluntly stated my shortfalls. I don’t care, I’m so tired and not gonna stay up late at the office this week. I think my performance is not too bad, ranked among top 2, I think I’m doing good. 

Felt like working like a machine.

Just need my bed, nothing else. and yeah, food. or hug or massage or vacation or whatever comforting.

A plain soul claimed for its right

The reasons why I hardly write. Okay that sounds like a lazy person who justifies why she didn’t produce any writing. Judgement aside, it’s true, there are some reasons why I hardly write nowadays regardless how crazy my soul rotting for it.

I didn’t mean to blame my work schedule. But the shit just got real, I’ve been so tired of making money to pay for the stupid bills. I love the job, but I’m dying from sitting all day long and repeating the same routine. The job is good, undeniable. This is the longest period of working I’ve ever experienced. Everytime I come back from work, I turn into a wilt spinach. Some ‘lucky’ days, I will just sleep from 8.30 pm to 7.30 am on the next morning and start my work routine again. Writing in between these situation? Hell no.

My sister and I- we exchanged our laptops. Her laptop has no Microsoft word, Kingsoft Office is not working. If I wanna write something, I will have to open up my OneNote account which requires internet – which I always tend to drift away – end up watching Bizarre Food by Andrew Zimmern on YouTube (or make-up tutorials which I’ve never tried). Writing on phone? I don’t like it.

I guess those 2 are the major reasons why. Anyhow, I still want to write. I have a tonne of story to tell, I don’t want this plain soul anymore, I want to write like I used to.

that means..I have to find a way to be back on track.

Can time stops for a while?

No, time can’t be stopped. Clock is ticking, time is running.

I don’t know what to do. I’m still figure out how to reach 50% of my target by this Friday as I made the promise to Chris. Chris said he understood that I took MC for 3 days but when he kinda forced me to achieve it, I think he doesn’t really understand..

How could I achieve 50% of my target while I just started work 3 days ago? Come on, let’s have some common sense.

By hook or by crook, I have to achieve it. But how? Can time stops for a while? So that I can breath and think wisely for a while? In the meantime, I just wanna lie down like this..straighten my back bone.

50%, come fast to me!

Update (25/07/2016) 

I managed to achieve 55% of my target. Don’t know if time was really stopped or the effect of my over-positive-thinking was that powerful. Alhamdulillah, anyway. 5 days left to achieve 100%. Make it easy for me Ya Allah.

Morning rain

Morning rain in PJ.

I reached Kajang Bus Station around 10.30 pm last night. It was a dizzy ride, I felt like vomiting.

Came out from my sister’s house to my ‘nest’ quite late. We overslept, and right after I woke up, I drove alone in the pitch black dawn. First day of working after a-two-weeks holiday. I have a lot of things to catch up. Target is chasing me, I am hoping I can cope it well. Not achieving my monthly target would mean less pocket money for my Indonesia’s trip.

p/s : Did my dressing earlier this morning. It was a mess.  My phone was barred this morning. When on earth I can go out to pay for it? Why out of so many times, my phone was barred today?

Confirmation

I’ve been waiting and praying for this:

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Alhamdulillah, all praise to Allah! KC just handed this to me today, and she asked me if I’m okay with her and the whole company. I nodded yes. And I asked her back, is she okay with me? Well, that was unplanned. She is my Country Manager, what I’m thinking?

She said for now, yeah she’s okay. Actually I’m okay if she or anybody else is not okay with me. I don’t care. I have a stack of confidences to live by my own. (Ah, izni being cocky, just kidding, lets be good with each other!)

Just received our QMS Score later today. It was my first time receiving it as a permanent staff. The score is not bad though, I think I scored well. I will get my car on Friday and will be going to Kedah by Saturday. I might have to embrace myself for any over-tired feeling. Some more, tomorrow is the last day of the month, still have to work on my monthly target. I still need to fill up the self-evaluation form, KC urged me to submit it before I left for raya leaves.

Near midnight, hopefully every prayers of us will be granted, may us be a better slave of HIM tomorrow onwards, InsyaAllah.

Battle

Izzati’s resignation last week..was like a thunderstorm. A sharp and loud thunderstorm. Perhaps that’s the closest way how to describe it. It feels like I’m battling this alone. KC spoke to me just now, she said she gave me another 2 months for me to prove myself. Izzati used to be my battling partner, and without her starting this moment, I feel like..something is missing. I lost my best friend, I lost my first friend here. I should figure out how to win this battle as soon as possible.

I must win, no matter what. Ya Allah, make it easy for me.

p/s: have you ever felt like you’re battling on something alone?

“Not many people believe that they can move mountain, So, as result, not many people do”.

So, it has been quite some times since I updated about my current job. Last 2 months was a good struggle and I passed it, I guess? This month gonna be my last month of probation period. With a higher target set by KC, sometimes I feel like I’m dead man, why on earth did she set the target that drastically high for a new starter like me? I was like, fine, the real color has showed up, gotta prepare for it.

At some point I feel like I’m so gonna pass this, like I swear I can make this happen – no matter what- as long as I keep the belief in me. Crossing the golden quote written by David in his book of ‘The Magic of Thinking Big’ – he wrote something sounds like this :

Belief works this way. Belief, the “I’m positive- I can” attitude, generate power, skill, and energy needed to do it, When you believe I-can-do-it, the how-to-do-it develops. 

He said again – Believe, really believe, you can move a mountain, and you can. Not many people believe that they can move mountain, So, as result, not many people do. 

So guess what my friend? I am so gonna move this mountain, I will pass this probation shits and I will be a permanent staff there and stop worrying about the unreal things. Like,really. No kidding.

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Please, I wanna win this time! I’m done with lessons.