Personal

Long October

October is indeed a long month- which means it has long working days, high monthly target and I couldn’t help it but feeling mundane all the time whenever I get to the office. I don’t know what goes wrong here but damn, routine is killing me. I started to think that it is insignificant to do this kind of job, and hell yeah I don’t even know what a significant job looks like to me. Loser me, eh?

I know who am I to complain, I should be grateful for having a stable job compared to the people outside there who is still struggling to land one. At least, I can pay my monthly bills without fail. So, whatever izni.  Just hold on, keep on working, find your own motivation and go break a leg, girl. You don’t have to be a piece of shit every day. Ok?

So, move!

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Personal, Thoughts

Time is scarce

When his viva is around the corner, the scary thought has never left me. That means, his departure is very near and I realised nothing much I can do about it. Sad is understatement. I don’t know. Maybe I am terrified to face the fact but regardless how I’m feeling, it will still happen. 

It is difficult, isn’t? Watching someone close to your heart leaving. Clock is ticking. I wish I could freeze time and make my favourite moments last forever. I have to be prepared, that’s what I’ve been saying to myself. But what to be prepared anyway? Tissue? Ah great idea.

Time is scarce. No matter how many trillions good memories we carved together, I just can’t  get enough. Greedy me 🤢

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Personal, Rant, Thoughts

October

October is here.

I am all prepared for this long month. I don’t know why but I feel like it is gonna be an important month. Maybe because we are stepping into 4th quarter of 2017 already and I don’t think I’ve acheived something yet? Haha. So its time to panic?

Ok anyway Izni, here is a list of reminders for you. I know it sounds lame but let’s be serious about it starting this new month 🤗😎

1. As per our agreement, avoid meat for a while. Focus more on eggs & fishes. Eat more greens. Drink minimum of 2L water. Minimise carbs.

2. Stay cool and don’t be afraid & worry about future. Just go with the flow, agree? Cherish your happy moments although you don’t know what the future holds. Yea, its kinda sad sometimes when you think about stuffs but damn it, you can’t do anything about it so why worry? Ugh.

3. Maximise Uber.

4. To be productive at work although it gets tiring & boring as hell. You can do this!

5. Minimise eating out & shopping. Crucial point here! 

6. Don’t define happiness based on “things” or “people”. Happiness comes from within. Stand on your own feet, be confident. Be beautiful in and out. Love & appreciate your pretty self. 

Till then. 

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Motivasi, Personal, Rant

Those little things 

Alhamdulillah, its Friday again. A very fine & breezy morning, the lovely after-rain smell is still lingering around the damp air. Nothing smells better than that, it’s for certain. I love it. Given Friday is a casual day in my office; I decided to put on my ‘Dream Big’ sweater because I feel like snuggling in somewhere warm. I don’t want my body to get shocked by the stinging coldness. I’m longing for warmness and comfiness that if I have absolutely nothing to do in the humdrum office, I thought I would just blindly apply for an emergency leave, and doze off. I know I am a lazy monster, I know. I don’t mind if you judge me, lol.

It was getting latish and after a quick sip of my somewhat-liquidy-breakfast (I reserve my breakfast’s name 😛 ) I quietly sauntered down my usual path to work, while looking at the greyish blue sky. I am grateful for everything that I have now be it good or bad – I cherish all. I am sincerely grateful for every detail of my life, and myself. I know sometimes we might lose in some battles in some aspects of life and while we are busy being disappointed, demotivated and sad- more often than not we tend to forget how much it teaches us indirectly. It is perfectly okay to cry and shed those tears (we human!) but man, life goes on. You gotta move and run and jump over the obstacles that come in your way like in the Temple Run game.

Shit Things happened for a reason, remember? Instead of all those negative emotional rush, why don’t we take a chill pill, and be grateful for the other things in life that we still have? Like fresh air, the lovely families, non-problematic friends, a warm home to stay, being around our loved ones, a stable job to pay the damn bills (although you always go broke after),  and so many more simple, little things in life. It is true that the most important and ultimately the most fulfilling “things” in life aren’t really things at all.

An advice to my future self, if by any chance you experience something unpleasant, and unfavourable – stay content and strong. I mean, strong in a way of evaluating the situation sanely and response upon it diligently, maturely. Life is a roller coaster. Enjoy every bit of it while it lasts. After a storm comes a calm, as they said. So, put yourself together in whatever situation.

Be grateful, always.

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Personal, Rant

Not your favourite girl

No matter how aggressive you are in expressing your love, you can’t force the other person to love you the same as you do. The kind of aggressiveness, I am afraid if I mistook it as a mental abusement (lol, it sounds damn serious but what’s more accurate word than this?). Little did you know, your actions started to make my respect towards you abating day by day. I think sometimes I really need to be a selfless being. You know, I wanna be like, fuck it! It’s your problem man, don’t tangled me up in your ropes. I am suffocating to death.

I am getting really mean now. I don’t care anymore if you are hurting or whatsoever. I am being honest about everything, if you can’t accept the fact, it’s not my problem anymore. If you can’t detach yourself from me, it is , again – your problem. I am not gonna figure out how to make you detach from me, or whatsoever, because it is tiring as hell to explain the same thing all over again but yielded nothing in return. I don’t care if you are nothing without me or if you can’t live without me (like what you’ve always said), I DON’T CARE – hey, just live your life. Have some pride, confident and guess what, at the end of the day, it is Oxygen that you need most in life.

I don’t know, but what I am trying to say here is, you can’t force someone to love you. It is suffocating.

Chill.

Thanks.

[to J].

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Personal, Rant, Vacation

Of dreams, and Singapore trip

I found a book that I used to jot my dreams down (mostly about my wishlists & places to go lists) and I found out, 2 of them had just came true recently.

So, yeah dreams do come true, izni. Why you’ve always doubt about it? Even though it sounds lame, I still want to apprise that it’s just a matter of time. So, don’t stop believing okay!

About the short to Singapore, it was really short! I think I’ve fall in love with the small country. It was clean, and lots of skyscrappers around. I looove glass, steel and tall buildings with great architecture. This time, I went with my officemates and we enjoyed the trip so much! As a graduate from Aquatic Science, S.E.A Marine Park really is something! It felt like a re-union event even though those animals don’t even know my existance. Lol!

Due to the short trip, we didn’t manage to go to USS, maybe next time? For now, let’s save some money 😓

The sad news is that, all the pictures are in my broken old phone’s memory. Not in SIM Card. My memory card lost sometimes ago, so yeah.

Singapore is the witness of my fashion disaster. Haha. I just wore whatever because of the very early morning flight and Thank God all the pics were gone. I know everything happens for a reason!

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Personal, Rant, Uncategorized

RIP 

The memory is still fresh, I deadly wanted a new Samsung Note 2 until I decided to use my scholarship money (I don’t care!) to buy one. I was really into writing and I intended to make full use of the phone to maximise my reading & writing hobbies given it has the wonderful, multi-tasking S pen. I remembered doing research by research on “why should I buy Note 2”, and a series of keen reading on the specification of the phone.

Finally, on a fine morning in Sarawak, the phone was mine. I remembered how it felt holding the large screen phone, everything is up to my expectations, satisfied. Really am!

What I love about that little guy was that, it really had a strong immunity. In whatever situations, it would come back alive and continue to be amazing as always. No hanging problem, everything worked so so fine and elegant, even when its screen has became whatever now.

The phone is sentimental for me. My first ever phone that I buy by myself without parents beside (talk about growing up lol) and using my own money (although it’s a scholarship, but hey I put efforts to get the scholarship okay).

You’ll be remembered baby. Thanks for your 4 years of wonderful services and experiences.

Now, you can rest 🤗

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Personal, Rant, Thoughts

So-called-adult

Starter working today after a long, occupied weekend. I am tired and longing for my bed. I swear I’ll jump on my bed once I finished my work later, I don’t care.

You know what? In the midst of the (unnecessary) busyness, I was still having times to ponder about things happening inside, and around me. How come situation and life can be this confusing, and often leave people hard and afraid to decide?

The bad news is, I am starting to feel afraid, deep down- to be real honest. To make it even worse, I don’t know what to do about it other than praying for the best. I just don’t know.

I mean, can I just quit being an adult?

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