You look beautiful today

It looks like no one has been complimenting you lately, Izni. But let me tell you this. Today, you look gorgeous donning your favourite cream blouse & olive green square hijab. Maybe because you seldom dress up when you go to work so when you did, you look different in a good way of course. You look tidy, smart and simple. Beautiful and sweet.

You look strong despite all the weaknesses buried inside. 

You are beautiful, always 🖤

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Short

I probably don’t have much time left, I don’t know I just feel like I have a short life span due to some reasons that I feel I shouldn’t disclose. When I think about it, sometimes I feel what matters most is not really matter, like everything is temporary and I might lose it in no time.

Gloomy Friday, I wonder what’s in store for me.

Food craving

Sorry hormone, i will have to blame you for this crazy food craving I am having these days. So keep quite and accept the blame 😅 

First of all, I am craving for home-cooked food. By that it means, I am missing what dad used to cook for us. Mom cooks too but its dad who cooked the most  (because he loves to cook!). Dad’s dishes like sambal kosong, udang goreng kunyit, and of course my lifetime favourite- asam pedas ikan with / without sweet potatoes. Back then during my golden childhood / teen years dad always grilled us meat & fishes which came with his powerful ayaq asam (sour, spicy dipping) and we would eat like the world was ours! On lucky days, dad came home with a lot of good crabs or cockles and he would cook dinner or lunch (if its on weekend). 

The crabs, it was either masak lemak cili api or goreng kunyit; I loveee both. He often cracked off the crabs’ shell first before alternately gave to his monster daughters. I still remember I would be happy when I heard the loud sound of dad washing the cockles at the sink. I definitely knew it would be a good lunch. Kerang rebus or sambal kerang? – he sometimes asked us to decide.

But among all, I am terribly craving for his hot asam pedas ikan kembung. I always demand for it when I’m home and he will put in a lot of fishes just because he knows his second daughter loves fish so much that she can finish up almost 20 small – medium mackeral at a time. I kid you not, excuse my monster side in me haha. The asam pedas, it tastes even more heavenly when its hot and I always soaked my rice with it in a bowl and put in some sambal belacan. Ah it makes my mouth watering writing this. During my diet times (lol) I replaced the rice with oats and it tasted equally wonderful. Asam pedas is a healthy Malay (Kedah) food I dare to say because it has no / less oil! 
I’m imagining my mom’s kacang panjang masak lemak cili api too! It can be considered as one of her signature dishes. I wouldn’t trade this royal dish for anything else in the world! The spiciness of the masak lemak, the flavours..ah she cook the best masak lemak, no doubt! When it pairs with the hot steaming rice, fried mackeral, and some fresh ulam- I am at loss for words to describe how crazily tasty it is. Mom also cooks the best laksa (the gravy is soo thick and flavorful), and not to forget nasi ayam & daging Kedah. You know, that kind of nasi ayam & daging yang dalam nasi, ada daging siap-siap. The meat inside would be so tender and juicy, and the rice is so full of flavour & delicious that we can eat it alone. We eat the nasi with air asam with lots of tomatoes in it (oh and also kerisik!) and you will keep eating till you jaws drop! I think I will have to learn the recipe to feed my husband later! I just hope the taste would stay amazing if I cook. Well, I can’t promise lol. 

Had I ever tell you about my mom’s ayam masak hijau and curry (all sorts)? When people tasted the ayam masak hijau (esp during Eid) they will go “Give me the recipeee!” and some of them even ordered it during their special events. We love the dish so much that she never missed to cook it during Eid. And that, my friend, how we gained weight on Eid 😅. The curry- you name it- chicken or beef she mastered all. I am not really a curry-person but when she cooks it, I am the biggest fan. This curry thing, I will learn before I get married because I guess, he loves curry?

I’m so hungry now writing all theseeee good food. Craving terribly! 😓😓 I need to end this and come back to my sense that actually I am a few hundreds km away from home. 

I love you mom and dad. I’m the luckiest daughter ❤

Selfless

I am okay as long as everyone is doing perfectly fine and happy. 

I might not be too fine or too happy but I guess growing up taught me that being selfless and humble are the new definitions of beauty. It is hard at first to be selfless, you know..ignoring what I want when I think someone else need it more- but I’m sure its the right thing to do. It hurts sometimes, but I think I’ll get used to it by time. 

Hope everyone is fine. Even though it would take forever, I will heal myself- no worries. 

Friday again

Friday! What a busy week and I couldn’t wait for the weekend! As I expected December is a hectic month; we started to get busy for the upcoming event, with the target chasing game plus the ad hoc tasks that keep on piling- I just hope I can get out from December alive!

I am so deadly sleepy and tired due to the lack of sleep last night. Picked up S at the airport, waited almost an hour because his flight delayed and we had a long catch up session after which I..well, quite enjoyed- surprisingly. I went home very late and thought of taking a day off crossed my mind like gazillion times but thinking the unfinished tasks in the office, there’s nothing I could do except pushing my self to crawl to the mundane office. Damn.

So here I am working while showering myself with some lame motivational words to keep me going.