I’ve been thinking about quitting.

Do you know how it feels when you’re confuse about life and its whereabouts? Do you know how hard it is to decide whether to stay or quit? It is hard to keep doing it yet so hard to leave. Should you stay or should you go? You have no idea, it keeps echoing inside your soul, it’s like trying to assume whether it is head or tail when you flipped up a coin. Assumption is bad. Assumption is bad.

While quitting often feels like a failure, change can be frightening, to stay make you unhappy, and to leave is something you can’t imagine. Thinking how good you will feel when you decided to leave, well, maybe you have the idea of quitting but you just didn’t sure about it. About how will everything goes after you quit. How world will be alike after you walk that sudden decision.

Quitting is not bad, my friend.

If you feel like you’re staying for the wrong reason, if you stay because of your fear rather than a faith; don’t be afraid to make a U-turn. Don’t be afraid to quit.

Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself. Do things that make you happy, if you’re not doing it, nobody will.

To me, this time, quitting is hard. It means I have to start everything all over again. I will be seen as a weak person on the eyes of everyone. Worst, I will have to hurt someone’s heart. I’m pretty sure I’ll be hurt too, but I think, quitting these would be a huge satisfaction. This time, I have to be selfish. Sarega is always right. Do it for yourself. It is you who’s living your life. I know this would be hard, but why not, if it worth it?

I hate decision.

You can toss your coin if it is hard for you to choose to stay or leave. What did you secretly wish for while the coin was mid-air or when you covered it? Go for what you’ve secretly wished.

As for me, I secretly wished to quit.

After graduation, what next? – a sequel

Bismillah.

As promised, this is a sequel to this post. About my uncertain decision and urm, future. Graduation is like born as white. It is up to ourselves how to paint it. What color we want to use, what technique we should apply on etc. So, here is the typical question that often being asked to me: to further your study or jump into the work career. This decision should not be a big matter to decide on, it is just me who exaggerate everything. Or there’s somebody out there that having the same problem as me? Hah. *Highfive!*

Further study.

If you choose this, you must be a person who love to study. Haha, for sure lah kan. You should by now has a topic to study on or keep planning everything, step by step. Apart from alllllll that, you must have this one: a solid NAWAITU. A clear major aim why do you want to study on this particular subject. This aim that you set prior everything will be your border when you feel like to quit someday later, or it will be as a pushing agent when you feel like you had been tear apart in a hurricane. A big WHY for you to keep standing.

For example, you want to do a further research on toxicology in our daily ecosystem just to provide a safe environment for public community to live in. It is a big and wise nawaitu. You want your research will become a drive cause for peoples to change. You demand for a better earth and health, and so you decide to study on that and make a change instead of waiting for changes to happen. So, it is true, being a scientist or researcher must have this strong aim. Further study to the next level must accompany by this type of strong aim.

Whatever your aim is, just find one. And work hard towards it, make it turn to be a reality.

Working circle.

Anyone that can’t wait to run out from the formal-student-environment? Then, find a work. As my friend said, if you keep studying when is the time you will get out and work? Funny question from her (or not? I think it’s funny. haha who cares), and yet made me think so much, and so deep. “Until when I will be surrounded by formal education system?”

Working is a non-formal education, where everything you learn on paper turn out into a reality screen. Working may serve us with more realistic problems and can make us more matured. Maybe? We had been in front of books and confront a series of exams; plus minus for about 15 years. Let see what the 15-years-study experiences plus a degree certificate can bring up. What they can contribute?

Working, other than to get those type of experiences; it is the best way to start saving, support our families member that need money for daily expenses. This might be imply on a not-too-rich people like me. Maybe I should start saving, and postpone my burning fire to study?

After some times, we can always apply to further our study.Right? – as long as we still have the fuel, the spirit.

Indie-worker. Work from home. Or whatever work that doesn’t control me, doesn’t assign some hours of mine as somewhat called as “office hours”, doesn’t restrict me with bunch of nonsense regulations and protocols. I dream of having the job. No other way except creating my own business. But, long before that, I have to find some experiences as a foundation for me to create that.

On that time, as I’m not restricted with those office hours things, I can be a full housewife, educate peoples of my home, and at the same time, managing my own business. What is more wonderful other than that? I should be planning by now.

Let us think so deeply, so deep until we know what is our aim living in this world, and try to achieve the aim starting from now.

I – compared to the time I wrote this, now, I have at least, something on my mind. Something. Maybe I should work on that. Dreams do turn reality, I know.

fly_away_by_zoewiezo-d36p22c
after you get your wing, where do you want to fly?

There should be a thing that wandered around your mind? Justify and lead it to a destination.

Monday today

Bismillah.

Today is a good Monday. With not much over crowded students walking here and there, I feel much better than they were around. I hate crowds as I hate having bunga cengkih in my rice. Haha. I can’t see any relation between them. Congested people make me hard to breath and my eyes are tired seeing so many things. That’s one of the reason why I occasionally went to Bazar Ramadhan which became a huge surprise to some of my friends.

This morning, I went lab for the permanent slide prep session with my supervisor. He is so nice to demonstrate all the processes that needed to be carried out. By using Naphrax solution as the mounting agent, I think its high refractive index really helps in making the view clearer. Today is also marked my first time viewed the samples under 1000x lens magnification using oil immersion. Everything seems quite easy and how I hope that I can graduate on time.

Surprised that Underwater replied my email that quick. They asked me to send them a letter from faculty itself. But, I am still not sure whether I will be doing my internship there. I am thinking about…Manukan Island.

There’s something about Manukan Island, surely not just because Azrin who created a bunch of controversies. I wonder what he is up to now. The last time I saw him at the Island was fascinating. He is a truly expert. Underneath Manukan Island’s water is a dreamland. It is blissful to see all the beautiful marine creatures and habitats especially corals. Azrin used to dived in and grab up some sea cucumbers and starfishes for me to touch. It was a dreamland, indeed.

But the connection was lost back then.

manukan-island

To be loved.. is a bless!

Bismillah.

My fingers are eager to dance over this cute keyboard and at the same time I have no solid idea what to write on. How I wish to translate all of my thoughts and feelings into words.At least some.

Here it is.Today I read an amazing articles about love and surely it is not a boring or typical one but really made me think.

Got this from  http://barelysupermommy.com/page/2/ and its originally from this fb http://www.facebook.com/pages/Beautiful-Me/275511195857293?fref=ts .

Haha see? how the knowledge flow off? 😀

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked,” How do I know if I am with the right person?”

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, “It depends. Is that your partner?” In all seriousness, she answered “How do you know?” Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it’s weighing on your mind replied the author.

Here’s the answer…

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn’t hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn’t have to DO anything. That’s why it’s called “falling” in love.

People in love sometimes say, “I was swept of my feet.”Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It’s a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, “Am I with the right person?” And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I’m not saying that you couldn’t fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you’d feel better. But you’d be in the same situation a few years later.

Because:

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it’s learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO.

Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.
Love is therefore a “decision”. Not just a feeling.