A pile of hopes

So, I told Nicky that June will be my last month of work. I had made a decision that I thought I would never make. Perhaps it would be the best decision I’d ever make for my self.

After a series of email session with the Professor, she asked me to meet her in person in order to discuss about the project. She said she had a project, she just wanna know if I’m agree with it. My jaw dropped when she wrote “…If you’re serious about working towards PhD with us, I can wait for our discussion..”. Okay. Is it a PhD invitation or what? haha.

Aku tak sangka yang benda ni boleh jadi this far. I’m not expecting that I could be this gamble. From Aquatic Science leap over to Nutrition – – if I was accepted, I will be the happiest human on earth. Nutrition is what I wanna go for all this time. I know what I want to do with it.

I understand this is a risky choice; I might have to burn a pile of midnight oil just to study the basis of it. I hope I am content enough going through every possible hardship along the phase.

Life, it’s been a little dull lately. I don’t know if this is what every twenty-something people should feel but I’m terribly do. I feel like wanna go out from here for a long while, to somewhere far away. A place where people don’t know my name..

I hope I will be accepted by the Prof.

I hope I can start creating my own world (not too late, I guess?).

I hope I can start a new life, forget all the dull scars.

I hope I can be at somewhere far, two or three years from now.

It’s a hot holiday

I do not have any idea how much is sea level rising by now because it is too hot outside. World is getting terribly hot and dry day by day. Since today is my off day, I’ve got some things to settle which required me to drive to the middle of the town. With all the courage, I had to bear the killing, dazzling hot sun, and I was sweating like I was under a shower! I could pass out from the heat.

So, I rushed back home after everything was settled. Got a message from Nisah, confirming about our videography appointment. This time, she asked my help for making a video for her business. I’m not really pro about making a good video, hope I wouldn’t disappoint her. She told me she will give me a free shawl, appreciating my ‘behind the scene’ involvement. haha. She really take this too seriously, I had never expect any gift from her. But well, it is good to get some free stuff (who doesn’t love free stuff?). At least, I can add it to my shawl collections 😀

I hope the sun could ‘cool down’ just a little bit, giving a way for us to record the video and whatnot. It would be an interesting evening if the weather are nice and windy, and we could also have a short sharing and discussion about the businesses.

I was thinking about having an instagram account for fitness purposes. Actually, a lot of things are going on in my mind about the idea of fitness. One of them is getting a certificate of professional wellness coach (or nutritionist/ dietitian) in the future; so that I can carry out some activities or maybe managing a small fitness centre? or healthy food bistro? hmm. Interesting huh? Thinking about it alone makes me feel high. That’s all I wanna do in my life. Helping peoples to motivate themselves towards a better living.

laugh to the loser

It would be Nutrition if I was meant to pursue my study. I couldn’t think of anything better than that. Thinking of how exciting it would be, I couldn’t stop smiling. haha. I was thinking about Psychology as well, a field that I deadly interested in. You know, like studying people, their life development, complex minds, reveal the unrevealed secret of our fantastic brain, human microexpression, art of decision-making, choices, thoughts, risks, and everything about human being – it’s fascinating! Maybe I should take it as my PhD subject later on? Let’s see.

Travelling this path, sometimes I found it dark and fearful, there were days that I woke up in the morning trying to write at least something, but ended up blank. There were days that I keep thinking what I should do with this life, from where should I start, and the days ended, the nights came and I fell asleep. Life was very much like a carpenter who lost his saws and woods. No nothing. But I know, as long as I have a little courage, I can find the road I need to travel. May the courage stay; keeping the darkness and fears away.

It is hard living like this, but sometimes I love how bright-less my life is. I enjoyed every single moment, I love the facts that I could do whatever I want in a day – but sure, life shouldn’t be lived like this, huh? Gotta move to some points and levels. For now, let things be. I will follow the flow (any flow possible) for this time being and try to live to the fullest.

I was and am lost. who cares? neither do I, sometimes.

But the courage – once I have it, I will hold – – squeeze it to the top.

Coldplay said it well :

Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I’m across

– Lost, Coldplay –

quotes,vintage,lost,love,wisdom,word-1e888844680e61c7c29551e434a7d2ee_h

business

My jaw dropped when I failed in multiple attempts to log in this blog account. 2 weeks plus without any entry update, felt like I’d never own one. haha. And finally, somehow I typed something that was popped in my memory (that maybe,maybe it could be the password) and yeah! Here I am. (I don’t know what the password I typed, glad that I ticked the ‘remember me’ box so that I wouldn’t have to type the password again).

Oldness proven? Hell yes. Some of my memories (password especially) seemed to be destroyed earlier than it supposes to! What is going on? Or blame not aging process, maybe it has something to do with my neuron,somewhere at the frontal lobe.heh

Okay. Enough of that.

It has been one month and seventeen days since I graduated and still unemployed. Been through a lot of job applications, some rejections, some halfway succeeds and my faith is still the same. I won’t give up that easy, I know some people get hired after one to two years of graduating. So, no problem. As long as we keep on trying and hoping, someday a good news may hit you.

Rather than finding a part-time job, I started up some small businesses. Shawls is the main one followed by food and beverages. Car-boot sale! I just love this idea, really! It is fun to meet random people, talking to the customers, and I’m now understand this saying – “when you love the job, you didn’t feel tired – you enjoyed doing it”.

Oh, we sisters yang punya plan since all of us are now home and all the minds think alike. Business! We dreamed of food truck one fine day, and I can’t stop thinking about it every time before I fall asleep. From the food truck concept, the possible name, the menus, and the dream goes on. I was once googled up for any food truck/mobile kitchen that’s availabe for sale, and guess what? it is about eighteen thousands ringgit! Then, I stopped googling and muhasabah kejap. Haha.

I think, it must be interesting to record the journey of us. All these plans and activities make our bond stronger,and yeah it is much more easier (and fun too!) to work with our own siblings and family.

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the shawls, running online. @closetbyher
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the weirdest things I ever tried haha. fun!
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one of the menus. Popia!

Daydreamer

Travel around the globe, with fairly low cost is everyone’s dream. My lifetime dream. Realising it had been a loooooong time since I didn’t go anywhere, this goal seemed to stain strong in my dream book. I really fall for this dream.

I want to go out from this place, and boarded somewhere far. I want to see another view of world’s population. I dream of Venice, Egypt, Istanbul, Indonesia, Grand Canyon, India,  Tasmania, and the rest of places on the world’s map. I wanna feel the sands at every different beautiful beaches in this world, trekking on great mountain, learn foreign cultures and languages, and study peoples.

I dream of a travelling-life. I dream of having a cute Instag so that I can print out every architectural buildings and capture any moments of their smiling faces. Or a couple of peoples that I newly befriend. I will own a travelling book or album to write and frame everything inside. My room wall will be full of my travelling moments from the Instag film. I will smile and flash back all the journey when I’m old. I will have a lot of stories to tell to my grandchildrens later.

How nice is it? I feel high whenever I think about this little dream.

Dreams do come true, aren’t they? :]
They will, I know.

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What a sugary day! – saturday

Ok. This is today’s story.

I was surprised getting a notification of busy traffic on my blog. And a few comments on blog and fb. I was in puzzled,  what happened? I didn’t write any new short story? Or novel? Haha. Nooo I’m not.

Guess what? Nazali Noor, the author of Ulu Yam di Liverpool (UYDL) happened to read what had I reviewed on the book. I was in total frozen state! Like, Seriously?  This is too good to be a reality! I wonder what brings him up to here. I mean, to this deserted blog of mine? Heh.

Destiny again? Yes, can I think so? Because the book from the first place was destined for me. Hehe.  I’m happier more than anyone on this earth on that moment. Happier than a prisoner that finally can breathe in his first fresh oxygen. Happier than when I got straight A’s or than anything it could be. Overstated? I know. Hee I’m grateful to be exact. Alhamdulillah.

Thanks Abang Naz for the great inspiration and about your compliment to my writing,  am I really a great writer? Haha. That’s a way too good for an Izni. But please pray for me to be one!

I will really find a way to meet you someday. InsyaAllah. You re-fuel my dreams that had been a long time dimmed.

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Ulu Yam di Liverpool #UYDL

Remember a post about my story of buying a book? The special book that only have one left on the rack, and I felt like it was destined for me? Haha.

The book is seriously, a worth-read book. I made a very right choice of buying it when I really have to save that money. No regret!

Here is the book : Ulu Yam di Liverpool by Nazali Noor.

I'm a big fan of Abang Naz :] Heard that UYDL2 came out already. Can't wait to have one!
I’m a big fan :] Heard that UYDL2 came out already. Can’t wait to have one!

The book is a story compilation of Nazali Noor’s life. A true story that are written from his heart. He used to be a very ordinary village fat boy at Ulu Yam, can’t even play football, being cursed for dreaming too high, and have no big achievements during his school years. He hates Math, and it is funny to read his Math story in the book.

When everything seemed so wrong, all what he had are DREAMS. Dreams to be at Anfield, watching football match, supporting Liverpool. He wanted to be at UK! Inside the book, he wrote also on how he met Ain, his superwoman that keep supporting and sacrificing for him and their childs. Reading the book, it made me laughed and cried at the same time. I know everybody will do the same when reading it. Such a heart-warming. It is like I am the one that walk in his road. The difficulties, strong determinations and everything – I think, I learned a lot from him. From his book, and his life.

It made me think, that how big our dreams are, they can be reality. Just believe. The word BELIEVE itself is so strong. Now, he and his families settled down at UK, having a good big charity business, and at the same time his two important commodity – TIME and MONEY, finally are balance.

In this life, we have this two important commodity: Time and Money. Sometimes, when we have a lot of money, we doesn’t have enough time. We might miss some important moments in our life, like the moment our kids have her first teeth, the moment she can stand up by her own, and those little sweet memorable things. We traded our time for money. It is quite often right? I had seen many of it.

Some people can’t do anything about it. I understand.

Money is important. Living this 21st century, living cost hiking up like crazy. This issue had been risen up in the book, too, because it is the major problem that once occurred in his life, especially when he married.

It attracts my full attention because I will jump into the real world later. Mom don’t want to pay my phone bill after my Degree. Haha, so I need to plan beautifully.

“Makna Hidup Dalam Memberi”

I don’t quite get it, before. After read what he explained in one part of his book, now I understand. Maybe I should write it in another different canvas, later.

After all, this book is highly recommended. For the dreamer that are hesitate with their dreams, for people who need a wake-up reading, for everybody – just read this book. Seriously :]

New semester!

Bismillah.

Third day of this new semester. A very important and exciting semester – it should be.

So, how was your first day? Mine is nothing abnormal. Everything was set back to its place, Alhamdulillah. Started again my study life, but hopefully with some differences. I did set some targets and goals, and some time tables. All I need is discipline. Hah. Exactly!

Guess what? I took Mandarin class!

Another wild decision I made after taking Japanese Language last semester. The same doubt arose – Can I handle this? Could it be harder than Japanese? What is the worst thing can happen? Bla bla bla of pointless thoughts and speculations. Haha. But seriously, it seems scary compared to Japanese. Will try my very best InsyaAllah.

First day of Mandarin class, I felt like a tourist that walked through a timeline museum of China’s history. From Dynasty of Zhou to this present times, their unique and beautiful attires that I adored since I was a kid, their early history, wars, legends and all that; apart of thousands of yawn, I really enjoyed the story. Huge fan of Chinese dramas’ I am! Most of the films that took place at the Forbidden Palace were set back regarded to Han Dynasty, the most successful Dynasty. I can talk about the dramas the whole day, my childhood times was full with that :]

Attending Aquaculture class. Being in this class, I create my own virtual-thought-dream-bubble-mind. Prof Lee said that Aquaculture is a bright field. Everyone can culture whatever they want (but surely with adequate knowledge). It would be a really good business. Honestly, the thought of doing aquaculture was appeared since I took Invertebrate class, last year. Prof Shab keep mentioning and encouraging us to do aquaculture during the class.

Could it be that I’m the next aquaculturist?

Haha. Let see.

Oh btw, Saif Adam’s music is worth listening to. I just know his name, and happened to hear his voice. Maybe I’m a bit late knowing him, but his voice is beautiful.Try listen to “After Hardship Comes Ease”. Message beyond the song is lovely and motivating. I’m addicted.

cause ALLAH is there - Saif Adam
cause ALLAH is there ! – Saif Adam