Can I be on leave forever but still have money in my pocket?

I don’t feel like writing actually but lets try to describe what I was up to these few days.

Well, 4 days flew like nobody’s business, I had a great short escape and being away from work and terrible traffic..are just awesome. Nothing beats the feeling of being home. Besides the joy of overeating 😛 , I feel kinda recharged and motivated to continue whatever things I used to do..like the freaking making-money-routine.

It was quite different from my stay before. This time, I engaged with loads of old friends from secondary school & university. Friends from uni, no other name except Denah & Fiqah. We met at Penang, I supposed to attend my matriculation friend’s wedding but I don’t know why -we didn’t manage to do so. Hence, we strolled around the sunny Penang. We went to our favourite places & my wishlist-place to eat in Penang. We even went to Penang Hill and enjoyed the desserts there which is sooooo good.

Catched up with my old mates from secondary school which I lost contact since 10 years ago. Able to keep in touch again with a bunch of my good good friends and surprisingly, it didn’t feel too awkward as I imagined, maybe its because they were my closest friends back then so it felt comfortable and the chemistry between us lightened again. I think it is not that bad to expose a little bit of myself towards old friends and memories since you know, I am quite like a self-centered person since forever (and will always be).

Touched down KLIA around 12.30 in the morning, my sister from Bangi fetched me, had a short sleep and drove back PJ, now on my working desk writing this and definitely can’t wait until 5pm so that I can get my beauty sleep again. For now, lets pretend to be so fresh.

From left: Fiqah, Denah & me
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Hokkaido Ice Cream Puff! Mission accomplished 😀
The famous breakfast stall @ Transfer Road, Penang
One of the beautiful parts of Batu Feringghi!
my old classmates (2017). We were VERY close back then and the bond is still there! Everyone seems so fine 🙂

February

They said January is like a free trial month, and so yeah the free trial month is now over and here comes the real one – the Fabulous February!

So, how was your January?

I’ve become clearer of what I wanna achieve this year when Feb comes.

  1. As lame as it sounds, yeah hopefully can shed some pounds. Positive & healthy lifestyle, less junk food, invest more on real food.
  2. Spend more time on books than media socials. Can’t tolerate on this, 2017 is a definite reading year for me.
  3. Appreciate parents more.
  4. Write & publish.
  5. SAVING (Okay, this is the hardest).
  6. Always be grateful.

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2016 in review

  1. 2016 is a struggle year for me. A struggle to find my own path, to really discover what I’m gonna do with my life-and I fought hard, and somehow was able to see a little sunshine at the end of that dark tunnel.
  2. Early 2016, I’ve done something unexpected. I totally quit my Master Degree because I don’t really like the idea of it. It is a decision that I’ll never forget. That would be an evergreen record in my life, remembering how far I can go just to make myself happy again.
  3. When reality hits me hard, I realized I should be playing a ‘role’ in this very society. It was when I started to push myself to search for a job to make a better living. I decided to stay longer in one place, and see the potential it brings.
  4. ..and I did. I stayed in this current company for like uhm 10 months now. Such a huge achievement of myself! (Instead of my 3-days-working experience back then 5-6 years ago 😛 )
  5. After 5 months of working, I bought a decent car, Alhamdulillah. The process of buying the car was somehow..weird and unexpected though. After my beloved Kancil lost when I parked around my apartment (I miss you buddy!), my sister’s car involved in an accident. So, we had no transport for quite some times (since we’re not in Kedah), hence I was thinking to buy one, and the next morning, I took Uber straight to the Car Showroom Centre. I was eyeing this particular car, and decided to buy it on the spot. I settled all the documents needed, and within 3 days, I got my first car after 24 years old. And all the process of buying the car, all by myself. Alone. But I enjoyed the experience well!
  6. Started to learn how to say NO. Well, this is something that I’m still trying to master. I’m an easy person, so anything that doesn’t harm me I tend to just say Yes. But you know, there are some things in life you should say No to.
  7. Most importantly, I know I grew so much in this year. With all the the things that I got through along this year, I believe I have become a stronger person in every aspect. I started to have a stable foundation of self-confident, I believe in myself when people around me refused to. I love myself more, and I do the best for myself.
  8. I knew someone that I think I wanna settle down with. But there would be a great challenge ahead if I decided to do so. I don’t really know if I can cope with what’s coming, but yeah let’s see.
  9. With about 15 minutes before my birthdate, Happy 24th Bithday for me! I’m still busy with my working stuffs during this hour, but I love it, so no issue 😀
  10. These past 2 years were great. I would never forget all those journey.

With that, let the saying of Nayyirah Waheed stirs up your soul for a while:

“if
the ocean
can calm itself,
so can you.
we
are both
salt water
mixed with
air”.

  {I don’t really get why – we are both salt water mixed with air- but I love this quote so much! It connects me to something..to ocean? Idk.}

 

..and Coldplay will come to Singapore!!!

Just arrived my bustling nest after 4 days of holiday including my sick leave today. Had a good rest in Bangi, in my sister’s house which feel closer to real home for me. I will start my routine again tomorrow, hopefully that will avoid me from being overthinking as hell.

Personally, I prefer Bangi-life instead of PJ-life because Bangi is a humble, relax and serene place. You hardly stuck in the massive jam even at 7pm or as rare as it sounds, – at 3 or 4 pm – which is normal to PJ. Bangi, I don’t know, it holds some values I can’t explain. Maybe partly because my dear sister is now residing there, i don’t know, but I love Bangi. I love my sister too lol.

I’m hoping my eye will be recovered as soon as possible. Last meeting, Chris brought up about Interior Designer visit. I just mentioned a firm that I used to liaise with, in fact I haven’t set any appointment with them yet. I don’t think I can meet anyone with this swollen eye. My self esteem is not at a good level now. So, I will not bother visiting them until my eye has recovered.

Coldplay will come to Singapore!!!!  I can barely contain myself! I MUST go, I’ve been dreaming about losing myself in the crowds, with all those lovely songs of Coldplay.

I MUST GO. I don’t care, I wanna go.

Long post. A very long one

How do I start this? I feel like I wanna start keeping a diary again after so many years passing without having one. I don’t know, I feel like my life is too attached to my work loads and practical things around me until I feel soulless and lack of internal reflection(?), ugh whatever but yeah, the right word is – soulless. I am so gonna start a journal tomorrow, just like what I’ve been used to few years back.

Life is a great journey, indeed. No matter how surprised you got by life, it is a growing journey, brought to you with a pack of useful lessons for your future reference. It is a maturity lines and through it you started to know yourself better, you’re growing matured.

June has been a surprising month. I managed to secure a place at BCI Asia (my working place right now (Alhamdulillah), and I’ve lost my car (Alhamdulillah), and I am ready of what is coming. Life is full of surprise and none of them passed without any lessons.

My little cutie car, I truly hope you are fine. 2 days without you,. I feel like I lost my best friend. Starting to miss you. I pray they  won’t do anything bad for you. If they do..I hope they don’t. You are the best thing I’ve ever had you must know that. Thank you for being with me all these years, I won’t forget any single moment with you. If you can come back, come back into my arms, if not..never mind. Nothing permanent in this world and I have to accept the fact.

Everything happens for a reason. All praise to Allah, it is weird to say this – but I feel a little closer to HIM after I’ve lost my beloved car. Not because I hope by being close to HIM would make it returns, no. It was like..time has stopped for a while and HE throws a little serenity in my heart. Like HE wakes up my sleeping heart and warms the cold part. In a silent prayers after Maghrib last night, I asked HIM, “Why do YOU still gives me a second chance to repent while I committed sins that I knew they are wrong. Would you accept me again if I want to come back to YOU? Would YOU accept me again this time?”

I asked HIM.

and guess what happened?

It happened to be, the first verse of Quran I read is Surah An-Nahl Verse 119; continued from where I last read before. When I read the verse, I was like..subhanallah. HE is listening to me. HE is listening to this sinful creature.

An-Nahl ; Verse 119 – HE instantly answers me, precisely.

Then, indeed your Lord, to those who have done wrong out of ignorance and then repent after that and correct themselves – indeed, your Lord, thereafter, is forgiving and Merciful.

An-Nahl (119)

It is amazing that I feel loved again. Thanks Allah, I promise I will try my very best to correct myself, perhaps you will accept me even more. Guide me to the straight path, and bring me to someone that can make me a better slave of yours.

I remembered a verse in Quran (50:16) saying – “..and indeed We have created man, and We know whatever thoughts his inner self develops, and We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein “.

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I want sushiiiiiiiiii now. 

 

Maybe because I hate people,

Maybe because I hate people, I am still here, not rush into any love relationship or marriage while half of my friends is about to end their single life.

Maybe because I hate people, I found myself hating me, sometimes. Hating me for not being able to cope with some feelings that I should never bumped into.

Maybe because I hate people, I always prefer to be in strangers crowd so that I feel secure and do not have to protect any human’s feeling. I do not have to pretend like I care of everything, I just want to do my own things and chase things that I want. Maybe I will stay very close to the people I love most, but in most times, I need my own space. Space – where I can be a carefree being.

I don’t want to mess around with people’s feeling, so I will just do what’s necessary to convey my feelings. If I say don’t put hope on me, it means go away in a polite sense. Because I hate people, I found it annoying if you cling to me too much. I mean, you gotta find how to live your life.

I don’t know. I feel like you people don’t have to love me or like me or pretend to be so. I am totally fine if you were to say you’re no longer love or care about me. It is okay for you to admit the feeling has gone. Because I hate people and their variety of behaviors, I’m just fine here –  – very fine actually.

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Thinking..

It has been quite a half and hour since the bus rolled its tyres heading to Kajang, sending me back to my routine which I started 3 months ago. It was indeed a short holiday and I can’t get  enough of everything. Time flies like an arrow, now it makes sense.

Past midnight, it is pitch black outside. I am thinking about a lot of things. A lot of things..

By just believing..

I’ve been saving this draft for quite some times. Life has been quite good, or is it just me being over-confident that everything is good? Anyway, I believe everything is good – will be good ; that everything harsh will settle down, every bad things will slowly find its exit way. That aside, as the title denoted, I just feel like writing something about belief . About when you strongly believe that something is not that impossible, somehow they will turn out possible!

Now, believe in me. Do strongly believe in everything that you disbelieved. Thanks to this small book named “The Magic of Thinking Big”, I’m not that kind of person who usually invest my time reading motivation book! Tell you the truth, Izni is a kind of person who shitly say “whatever” after reading one-or-two-pages of a typical motivation book. But this book – it’s an exceptional. How to put it, urm its like when you hate eating ice cream (me not!) but when a special someone hands you an ice cream, the feeling..is somehow different. Ok, what’s the point of the comparison?!

Anyway, here goes the true content.

This book, is a must-read book for everybody. The way David puts the word together – I’m on fire. I have no idea how by just believing that “you can do it” can be that powerful. Even if you think you have no capability of achieving certain things, when you started to plant a strong belief in yourself, everything will turn out smoothly. You’ll be surprised when you look back someday, that things you thought was impossible, is now achievable.

How it affects me? 2 weeks ago, in my working place, I basically gave up on my self. You know, work loads. I have that evil thought in my mind that “I can’t do it. It is impossible. I don’t know how to do this. I’m done.” But then, I remembered that I read this book. Why not implementing those rumors that by believing you can, you actually can. Ahaks. That cheesy quote, I said. Let’s try.

I tried.

Things get better, to my surprise. I don’t know how to describe it, but really, things starting to get better. I achieved that particular thing that I once thought impossible! No kidding, you better believe in your self now. Like really, please believe you’re capable of anything. Be confident. Do not let anything breaks you. You got a dream, you gotta protect it.  Copy that?

One of the thousand bombs that sticks onto my mind is that –

Think success, don’t think failure. At work, in your home, substitute success thinking for failure thinking. When you face a difficult situation, think, “I’ll win”, not “I’ll probably lose”.

When you compete with someone else, think, I’m equal to the best,” not “I’m outclassed.”.

When opportunity appears, really think “I can do it”, never “I can’t”.

Let the master thought “I will succeed” dominate your mind to create plans that produce success. Thinking failure does the exact opposite. Failure thinking conditions the mind to think other thoughts that produce failure.

It does sounds like an easy peasy command when one said Believe in yourself! – but when you really practice it, you will know.

Enough of that long rant. I will definitely write something about the book again, InsyaAllah. Next time, let consider uploading the book’s cover, I’m just too lazy to snap anything now.

Anyway, thanks for those who read! Drop me some comment or better yet a marriage proposal. I will consider it. Okbye.

Probation period

Okay. Admit it, has been ages since my last blog post.

Life is good for now (perhaps), work is fine, hopefully! I’m adjusting myself in (and trying to breath somewhere between it) when I didn’t write. I nearly forget the writer side of me, something that I once promised to do not forget no matter what. But I did unfortunately. Never mind.

A month of working at BCI Asia. Never had I imagined I will get involved in this field. Like seriously, construction field? Haha. Not in my wildest dream. But Allah is The Greatest planner, and I can see myself growing in this company. The fact that I’m happy doing this job and my colleagues are all mature,professional and kind, what else I want? Oh ya, I just wanna stay there a bit longer than ever. I wanna pass this probation period and secure myself up. I have a plan, and the plan will be activated after I secure a place in the company.

Please Ya Allah, I wanna pass this probation period.

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