Personal, Rant, Thoughts

This part of the world

Heavy rain in this part of the world. Night rain, we seldom get that (nowadays). And when it’s raining at night like now, other than feeling secure, it makes me reflect on a lot of things. One of them is about ‘Loss’.

Losing people we dearly love is a part and parcel in life. We loss people through death, separation, situation, misunderstanding, etc. But, surely losing through death is the most impactful one.

Being a strong person I am, I rarely cry whenever someone passed away except for my late grandmother (mom’s side). We were so closed and I remember vividly everything that we had experienced together. The inspirational talks, the fights, the jokes, motivation, our pillow talks and her joys when I told her how my studies went, in this heavy rain, my heart is heavy with the weight of missing her presence (but I know she is in a better place).

A few days before she passed away, she was bedridden and I visited her on that very day. I helped to set up the classic mosquito net for her and she said in Malay exactly like this “My grandchild is so good. It is lucky to have you” – and I – being the stupid, young ignorant me, just laughed and denied it politely. I should have talked with her for a longer time if I had known it was her last few days. I should’ve said something sweet or whatsoever to show how lucky I was (forever am) too, having her as my grandmother.

And a few months after, tears were still running down my cheek whenever I thought of her. A year or so after her death, our not-so-big family faced another few deaths. Among all, hers is still aching me.

Losing people through whatever means, I know there will be a designated area in your heart for that person. We still have them in our heart, like a box we keep somewhere on the rack. Whenever the feeling hits, we can always open the box and reminisce all the good old days again.

I am afraid of losing more, really. But I, somehow will dissappear from people and the world too, one fine day. It is all written by the Almighty.

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