Evening ramble

Living in a big family, cooking and gotong-royong together, frequently return to their village visiting their grandpas and grandmas, mass-sleeping at village’s living room, those kind of activities – I miss the feeling. Heard my friends’ stories about that, and I have nothing (not much) to say on. I wasn’t raised in a really big family, nor comfortable in a too packed home. My dear grandma who I was very closed to like no one else; passed away when I was in fifteen, and when I was in sixteen or so, my good good uncle followed her. Then, everything seemed to be blunt. Plain.

I miss her to be exact. So much miss.

One or two days before my grandma passed away, she asked me to set up a kelambu for her to sleep. So, I did. She praised me for being a good grandchild and said she was so lucky to have me as one. I laughed, but my heart was really in pain. My grandma who used to be by my side, advising me this and that, a good listener, my sleeping partner when she came to my home, someone who entertained and pampered me with everything she could, giving me gift whenever I got good results in school; was finally met The Creator, and she had no replace. Started that, I am a person with no grandma. No one that I could count on that much. I remembered kissing her for the very last time. It was hard. Throw backed and writing all those memories, I can’t hold back my tears.

The soreness I felt every time I remembered her, there was something in my heart. Tears keep flowing and it is painful. Like I have a blooded wound that are never dry. I had no worry at all when she passed way, in a sense that I really sure she will be happy living in the new world. She was a person with Al-Quran, prayers, and fasts. I am proud of her. I am the one who is lucky to have her in my life.

So, nothing much happened after that. Life is a life, and it is a race. Racing for everything. Sometimes, I’m tired to take part in this race. I’m not good in socializing, being friendly to everyone, cooking great dishes for a big family, etc. Mom once said that I just good in studying. Haha – which was true. Studying is the easiest thing. Literally, I just need to remember the facts and answer with the right way.

It was really hard to cope with loss, right? We have to get used for not seeing someone we love anymore. We have to learn copping our sore, and shed the fallen tears strong.

Back at the main point, (I don’t know why I ended up writing on my grandma) – Our society put a bench mark on how a person (girl is the biggest target) act in the crowded, how good their interpersonal skills, how friendly they are, how much topics they can blended in, are they is a good cook, how they entertain kids and babies, and so on – made me suffocated. Really is.

That is the major threat of being a twenty-something girl. You need to be perfect in merely everything – which I’m not.

Untold mixture


Weekend and laundry is all part and parcel of life ; Staying-away-from-home life. Wish that the sun keep on striking and make everything dries.I woke up so early to settle them and rushing in getting a good place outside, under sun.

Now I miss the old times. When I can bring all over the unwashed clothes back home and let the machine do its task. And when mom and dad bring up something to eat and having a picnic under some sheltered tree.

Lots more things to be settled, plus exams in the row phenomenon. I just have to work fast and efficient.

Can’t wait to finish everything.  I guess this is the 100th times I said this. Heh.

Decorating the old-oxidised walls. Love!

It comes to the end!


It has been a while since I didn’t write anything and when I’m going to type on, it just somewhat called ‘blank’.The idea, plot and everything related are not showered me down.

Few days back, this blog can’t be opened ; dont know why.

Ok,leave it. Actually, yesterday marked as our start of study week and Alhamdulillah, what ever I went through along these four semesters is going to end. I will become a final year student of Science Aquatic. *clap.

To say ‘ how fast time flies!” is lame enough. But, it does.I have to say it even it is lame 😛

So,it is study week. I have to focus and limit my exciting adrenaline since I will be home less than a month from now! (after 4 months,this is the longest time ever I’m being apart from my family). But before that, I’m going to Sabah with my fellas for 4 days. May Allah ease everything!

Just to say that, even sometime I have to gone through some bitter feelings through all this while, I’m just grateful that, this journey is too awesome.

Awesome in many ways.

May you and I will keep focus in finding Allah’s greatest love and at the same time passing all the ‘exams’ in this life with flying colours. Ameen.

Just to say that it is going near to the very end of my degree study.

Daisy. White and yellow is too awesome for a flower!
Daisy. White and yellow is too awesome for a flower.

Wake me up when the holiday is end.


Alhamdulillah. My endless gratitude to Allah swt for HIM to continue giving me this awesome life. This means that HE is always give me chances to top up my good deeds, improve myself, my life and everything inside and around me. Sometimes,people failed to see the reason why they still alive ; even me sometimes.

It is about the end of my semester break and this Monday,the semester will continue. Asking about “what I have studied during my holidays?” , my answer is absolutely “No,I’m not. Holiday is holiday!” Right after this break, I have to sit for 4 more papers before having my field trip for Aquatic Vertebrate and Mangrove & Estuaries Ecology. And for sure, after the field trip,there’s thousands things to settle up.

About the study, InsyaAllah, I pray that I can manage it well. It is time to re-open my schedule, mind maps, revision books and whatsoever things related to my study. Plus, I must refresh my spirit and motivation to stay strong and motivated!

These days and weeks, there’s a lot of changes that I made. I mean,decisions ; some of them are really important decisions to make. Finally, I did it. Removing intruders before it goes deeper and I just like ” Throw everything and Rely on Allah. Just on Allah.”. That made me feel better and Alhamdulillah, in peace.

I think, I should lift up my pen to write some writings since there’s about several weeks that I didn’t produce any. Its not that I am so lazy or what,but it just take time to re-find my inspiration to write again.

Okay,until then. Together we be better than yesterday 🙂

In front of my home. There's a reason why the house is called "home". I miss my home and everything and everyone inside it.
In front of my home. There’s a reason why the house is called “home”. I miss my home and everything and everyone inside it.