back in reality

Back in to the other side of reality. Writing.

Enough of the four-hollow-months ; the most non-productive writing period (for what ever reason, let not discuss about it) even though the ideas fall freely from the sky, it is ignorance that spoiled everything. Enough of that.

So, today I picked up the notebook and a pen which rested down deep inside my bag (glad that I found one!) and jotted down some plans that I need to work them out. One writing contest, three manuscript submissions – and the deadlines are all at early 2015. And well, here I am still figure it out how to start completing all these.

Fulfilled the term and condition of the publisher and the contest party, I couldn’t post any of the writings here, on this personal blog or any website, or anywhere on earth before I handed the manuscripts out. It is a right procedure, to respect the copyright kind of thing. I agreed, but the main problem is me, who can’t resist the urge to share up here when some stories are completed! haha. Please pray for the urge to calm a little bit down.

Besides short stories, maybe this is the time when I should spread out my  wing a bit more wider? I mean, maybe I should write a novel? Hoho. Writing a novel really need a good rhythm, discipline and consistency. I remembered some of my short stories await for their sequel. Haha, now where are the discipline and consistency and whatnot go to? Anyway, pray for the best. One step at a time.

I have to move on into another big step. Minus out all the bad-black memories and hopeless imaginations and expectations. I really need a move-on pill. Not much time left.

Oh, today is mom’s birthday. She is amazing and the best, strongest person I’ve ever met. Being an event manager to plan out the birthday surprise, haha it is one of the many sweet memories today. Anyway, thanks mom for being you. You’re amazing :]



Okay. Finally I can sit down and write about this. About our last battle on the final year project! The time we revealed and presented all the one-year works. So, I woke up late on d-day, and rushed to the hall. Haha. Luckily it wasn’t start yet and I still got some time to plan my unplanned script.

I was in very calm state, never did I calm like that before. My heart beat was under controlled and everything seemed smooth. The night before was terrible. I couldn’t do any work because of the wild endless nervous and worries. So I did something that yeah.maybe it helps. Indeed it helps a lot.

I managed to answer all the questions, did some jokes, acknowledged people at the end and got a round of applause.  Then, its ended. That short and simple.

It is better than I’m expected. Alhamdulillah. My SV was satisfied! Really, sometimes we need to trust ourselves. Keep away the negativity and be proud. Be confident. Think that you’re the one who are genius in the hall 😀

Today is mom’s operation. Still, she keeps mentioning she’s okay, everything will be alright, that I don’t have to worry. She is strong. So, I should be strong too. Pray for mom!



Like reaching out from a dark pitch tunnel, finally I can write again after a series of problem in loading this blog. Wonder what is actually happened.

Today is like a huge revelation. Revelation of uncertainty decision and whatever things that keep haunted me silently. I received a chronologies of motivational talks today and that was really made myself revitalize.

Started when I accompanied my friend to meet her mentor, Prof Shabdin. Apart of his hometown is Kedah, he is charming in his own style. I mean, not physically but in his words of wisdom. The way he talks and how he advices and motivates his students is enough to put him on top of the role model list. He truly is, indeed. At least, for me.

After their mentor-mentee session and after my long time silent in a chair at the corner, finally I took apart in the conversation. Then, it was when Prof Shabdin started to give his golden story and words. I can’t resist any story of him. They are worth to listen, like forever. How I wish to put them on a tape and re-listen it whenever I feel down.

He told us about his sweet and savoury life, especially when he was doing his master and phD. It makes me amused listening to his story and I left his room with a thought of “See? Allah already planned us a worth – riding journey”. All the problems, painful events that ever happened in our life is actually a seed. A fruitful seed that make us grow and be better. Whenever you is being scolded, isolated, hated, condemned, and thousands more things that made you pissed off, just keep in calm. I once looked down at the power of “Keep Calm” (clumsy me), until recently I tried to understand the meaning beyond the word.

It really is. Keep calm has power and know what? We can’t really solve our problem by keep thinking about it. It never been solved in that way. First thing first, you need to relocate your focus and try to “switch off” your brain. That’s all what we need. To relocate our focus, then it comes to the power of remembrance of Allah. That is the ultimate focus that we should give to.

Everything is a test and who give the test?

Switch off the brain is actually “sleep”. Prof said that one of his friend can’t even fall asleep at night due to his endless working mind. I am included into the zone, sometime.

That’s only a quarter part. Another part he gave is a family-oriented talk. I assumed it as his own experience sharing. “Topic” covered is like marriage during study and how to cope with personal problem, hardship in building our personality, parents and things like that. I found it interesting and yes, it is very important to organise them well. It can’t be planned just like ABC.

Following that, I called my mom right after Isya. Her voice always make me happy and motivated. Felt like I’m being here for a century. Counting days to meet all of them and I know I have to walk through a long journey before back in there. Mom said the same like what Prof Shabdin said. Exactly the same. She really wants to see me as a lecturer in the future. But, I am a bit sceptical in being involved in educational field. I know it is a noble job, but it is not the problem. The problem is I don’t know what is my problem in being so sceptical. Haha. Till here, my first Mid-term’s exam is tomorrow.

A lot more to revise and I don’t want to burn the midnight oil.





Attent FYP’s meeting with Dr Lim Po Teen yesterday, I miss attending his lecture,actually. He is someone that I proud of. Not only him, all lecturers are awesome and have  their own expertise and uniqueness that make me go  “I want to be like him!”, “I want to be like her!” and that kind or urge.

Leaving my deadly ambiltion of being gynaecologist (I am so enthusiastic to be a gynaecologist – few years back), I started to see its hikmah of being here. Some mentalities and paradigm in me has changed and I can say that my old me is totally different. Totally different. So, if my old old friend meet me, they will say that I’ve changed. If they dont say it loud, I know they will say silently inside.

It is okay. Yes, I am changing and maybe I will keep changing. Suddenly remembered of mom’s ‘evergreen’ quote of manusia itu baharu. As I keep growing old(?), I just get the meaning of the quote. I will no more laugh when mom said that, because it is true! deadly true.

Dr Lim Po Teen talked about some guides of referencing. Alas, what I learnt in ARW few semesters back can’t be used. Somehow, something should be made differently. Then, I know, the format of the refrencing that I learnt is actually for social science. Mainly for social science, but for science (more to my Faculty’s style) is quite different. I have to edit the entire of my proposals! Good.

Dr also highlighted on website’s source of referencing and told us to write the date of access. Because, the content may changed as the date passed by.

It reminds me of myself. I love to read my pass diary,like 2010’s, 2011’s just to see how much thing has changed. Things changed much in 2013, I think. Sometime, it left me with this question > “did I passed through all these?”

or maybe some immature deeds of mine that made me annoyed and really sick. Did I really did that?Ohmy!

But, now I have no solid diary. I hate to pour all my feeling and story to a blank page. It just don’t get me enough. Or maybe I hate writing about me and what I concerned about.

Till here. Heard that we can acess a lot more journals if using university’s’ WiFi? I just know about it. Ok. Now, I felt like first year student!