A pile of hopes

So, I told Nicky that June will be my last month of work. I had made a decision that I thought I would never make. Perhaps it would be the best decision I’d ever make for my self.

After a series of email session with the Professor, she asked me to meet her in person in order to discuss about the project. She said she had a project, she just wanna know if I’m agree with it. My jaw dropped when she wrote “…If you’re serious about working towards PhD with us, I can wait for our discussion..”. Okay. Is it a PhD invitation or what? haha.

Aku tak sangka yang benda ni boleh jadi this far. I’m not expecting that I could be this gamble. From Aquatic Science leap over to Nutrition – – if I was accepted, I will be the happiest human on earth. Nutrition is what I wanna go for all this time. I know what I want to do with it.

I understand this is a risky choice; I might have to burn a pile of midnight oil just to study the basis of it. I hope I am content enough going through every possible hardship along the phase.

Life, it’s been a little dull lately. I don’t know if this is what every twenty-something people should feel but I’m terribly do. I feel like wanna go out from here for a long while, to somewhere far away. A place where people don’t know my name..

I hope I will be accepted by the Prof.

I hope I can start creating my own world (not too late, I guess?).

I hope I can start a new life, forget all the dull scars.

I hope I can be at somewhere far, two or three years from now.

laugh to the loser

It would be Nutrition if I was meant to pursue my study. I couldn’t think of anything better than that. Thinking of how exciting it would be, I couldn’t stop smiling. haha. I was thinking about Psychology as well, a field that I deadly interested in. You know, like studying people, their life development, complex minds, reveal the unrevealed secret of our fantastic brain, human microexpression, art of decision-making, choices, thoughts, risks, and everything about human being – it’s fascinating! Maybe I should take it as my PhD subject later on? Let’s see.

Travelling this path, sometimes I found it dark and fearful, there were days that I woke up in the morning trying to write at least something, but ended up blank. There were days that I keep thinking what I should do with this life, from where should I start, and the days ended, the nights came and I fell asleep. Life was very much like a carpenter who lost his saws and woods. No nothing. But I know, as long as I have a little courage, I can find the road I need to travel. May the courage stay; keeping the darkness and fears away.

It is hard living like this, but sometimes I love how bright-less my life is. I enjoyed every single moment, I love the facts that I could do whatever I want in a day – but sure, life shouldn’t be lived like this, huh? Gotta move to some points and levels. For now, let things be. I will follow the flow (any flow possible) for this time being and try to live to the fullest.

I was and am lost. who cares? neither do I, sometimes.

But the courage – once I have it, I will hold – – squeeze it to the top.

Coldplay said it well :

Just because I’m losing
Doesn’t mean I’m lost
Doesn’t mean I’ll stop
Doesn’t mean I’m across

– Lost, Coldplay –



image Brought this stuff when I was struggling to find a healthy and nutritional breakfast a month ago. After quite a number of hardly-sleep-night, thinking what should I take during my breakfast that can provide the body system with enough nutrition with low calories (call me weird, haha but recently I’m too much into health concern), I turned out buying this.

Called Muesli. By tesco (how hard I’m to be not paranoid about Tesco Brand!). It is whole grain oat and wheat flakes with raisins, crunchy hazelnut and almonds. Those nuts are my nut. So I trapped buying that. Haha.

Worth buying! Delicious and crunchy as promised. A good choice whenever you need some snack to munch on. Make it royals by adding up 1-2 ts of honey or milk.

Most important, it makes you full. That’s enough for a human, huh?

Day 3 Eat Clean Programme. I lost 1.4 kg. I don’t know if the scale is not functioning well. Haha.


Today`s culture is dying from mal-nutrition, which is aiding to obesity and also from proper nutrition of the brain the entire body. I saw a documentary years ago what mal-nutrition can do to the brain from infants to adolescent children and it will shock you….today`s fast food has virtually no nourishing properties and it also it is not only how we raise our foods but how they are prepared. Organic raw fruits and vegetables and Essential Fatty Acids (oils) is always the best outlet for true nutrition.

Found above comment under one of the posts at livescience.com. Fact that we often forget or take for granted – relationship of nutrition and brain function. It can be a great debatable topic in this millennium.

Brain are amazing and magical, it is a very big place in a very small space. Mystery of our brain and its remain unfold story keep attracting my enthusiasm. It is unique in their own way and had become the most valuable muscle we ever had. It is a life-centre ; it makes what we make now.