Dear overthinker, breathe.

Okay here is the confession.

When something happened, or event that make us feel like “I’m thrown at the corner”, “nobody care a thing on me”, and so much more self-down-impressions which probably due to yeah I would say from nature (so we, human doesn’t own a single blame haha).

Human nature is to get attention. To be concerned on especially from people around us that we labelled them as our specials. Say it family, friends, close friends, mates, and whoever that are special for you that hold a specific place inside your heart. You craved for their attention, with you realised it or not. Peoples love attention, speciality, and a particular place just for them, they want to be separated from those ordinary stuffs, and they want to be stand out in the eyes of their beloved. Then, comes in artists. Group of people who create things to catch attention. I’m not saying artists are those who are on the stages, put on acting at tv channels, not literally. We are at very first place were an artist. We turned our desires, our original aim into some movements and mini drama – hidden one, which need just some specific peoples to evaluate and understand. It is like visiting an art museum. We starred at a canvas that seemed like as if a pail of different colours just fell down from the ceiling and somehow stained randomly on the canvas – and we glared at the price. It valued of thousand millions! It needs some expert to really judge an art isn’t?

So life is. We are artists. Maybe greater. We are making an art continuously because things will get so plain if we just voice out or do what we actually want. It is natural. Natural to keep hiding what we actually want to say or see, and keep saying rubbish, metaphors, and whatnot. Because brain evolved so. Brain keeps searching the good possible way to mention something so that nobody could hurt or misunderstand –  that’s our main problem. We get hurt when we know some bitter truth. Why can’t just we sit calmly, try to accept the fact and move on?

The more overthinker we are, the more complex the art we made. We keep thinking about this and that, how it will turn out and the possibility that might resulted from our actions and so on. We are overthinker. Some are not, well it is easier to be not. Usually, nobody would understand that complex art pieces we sketched, and we ended up crying behind the stage.

And know what; making everything into so-called an art is sometimes tiring. Some other things just need not any type of art to make people understand. Sometimes, we have to give our own selves a space to do not over care on things that make us hard to breathe. Like, when friends betrayed and leave you, when family seems to forget you (imaginative you, they won’t), when someone confess that they hate you (who cares), when people keep insulting you, and when everyone condemn the way you live – That type of art world keep throwing onto you, just walk by. It doesn’t need any much serious evaluation, or maybe if it needs some, take it and adjust yourself in. That is when we will have a good life, a less-tiring one.

As human behaviour evolved – that’s what had been said in a book I read, we can also make our brain, perception, and the way we process something – evolving. Back into the first above sentence (that’s what all I want to stress on, why it took this long) – if there’s a situation that make you go “I’m really feel that I had been thrown somewhere at the corner” then take it easy. Try to take it as easy as possible. Being thrown away isn’t that bad. It gives some quality time for us to do things we love. Just live as we are. We need to love ourselves so that no one has to. That sounds easy.

Just saying.

take some time to really breathe
take some time to really breathe

change (again?)

Realised that I’ve been in a long sleep before, I think it is the time to step out, breathe the new air, and keep walking as a new me. Forget the insulted things that ever happened, and turn into a new leaf. Create something, work so much hard, build yourself, and stay positive – life wouldn’t be so difficult after all.

Change, change, and change – countless time of changing, I know. Every day, or after some unfortunate things happened (like low quiz mark, difficulty in answering exam – haha) or when I saw someone who is far more religious and better than me, uncountable times I said to my self, let make some changes, and improvements. It is never too late.

Sometimes, it is bored saying the same thing. But most of the time, it is motivating. Enough for me to live as a better one for one more day.

Desires of changing and keep evolving in term of our soul – nothing wastes on it, right? As long as we doesn’t invited yet by Izrail , the chance for us to improve ourselves is widely open. What we need now is just try our best, set goals on what changes that we want to make, and work on it step by step. If one day, we feel so shattered and everything seems to be failed, then try again. Get up and try again. It is not going to be easy, I can tell. But it pays. It is going to be worth it.

I don’t know what ‘desire’ or what ‘flame’ in this song means, but I found it inspiring! Well, Pink’s song never fail to burn. 

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone’s bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn’t mean you’re gonna die
You’ve gotta get up and try try try

[Try- Pink]

seek for your own "sunset"
seek for your own “sunset”

 

a knock-up

We are merely nothing if we are still in the prison, the old prison that restricts us from move on and get a better, quality life. To be a level upper from the place we are standing now, we have to do some improvements, and keep the consistency. Yes, sometimes we doesn’t understand how fast our life trail move and suddenly, we realize that we are just a step very close to death. Afraid that we doesn’t have good enough ‘presentation’ to The Most Gracious on that time, we must start from now.

There should be a point where we realize that “I should move on”, “I should prepare something”, “I can’t be like this anymore”, and those type of self-knock-up that lead us to a point.

I have some lists that I created long time before, and did consistent with that . But you know, as human’s imaan has its up and down – sometimes (most of the time!) I sink below the wave. The world wave that keep seducing weak peoples like me. Well, I add some more below my old lists just to tell myself that I have to really work hard to be a better one. I’m not forever young. I will die. I don’t want to be a regular person living in this world. I want to be someone different, internally.

Ok, below is the lists. I know nobody will read this (maybe?), but who knows if someone found this, he/she will have some idea of improving themselves? I really hope so.

  1. Deed-check list

A list that you have to face at the end of your day. It is a table, filled with day and date, consist of everything that you wish to do in a day. For example, earlier daily prayers, dhuha, tahajjud, talking good to others, selawat, fasting, al-Mulk before sleep, read a page or two of Al-Quran, find new hadith/ new knowledge, and so on. Paste it down somewhere you often see as a reminder and you just need to honestly tick down the deeds that you had successfully done, and reflect your day. It is motivating, trust me!

2.  Improve your tajweed

Brush up your old-tajweed knowledge by any mean that you comfort with. Here comes in the power of gadget and IT, make a full use of it and own a book to jot down your tajweed lessons. Improve them, you don’t want your kids laugh at you later?

3.  Read new book (whatever book)

4.   Find and memorise new recitation (e.g dua after dhuha prayer)

5.   Make a to-do list every day to maximize your time usage.

Consistency is the policy. Doing step by step our planned self-improvement is like adjusting ourselves to a better place. You can feel that you is closer to yourself. Ever feel that? I don’t know how to explain it literally, but it is a kind of teaching and communicate to your inner self.

You can add-on everything you want, and challenge yourself. There’s no such reason of not having adequate time. You will always have a time for something you really love and care of. Ok, that’s for me. Heh.

Till then. Let us improve ourselves for a better life in the future. Pray!

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Cause He knows all
No compromise
Hears your laughs
Feels your cries
He is there all the time

(Trust in Allah by Saif Adam)

deadly in love with this song! :]

It is rare, I know.

Alhamdulillah.

2014 ; Earth is still spinning in its own orbit. Yeah, flooding, earthquake, storms etc happened and yet Allah loves HIS creatures. STILL love and still give us another new chance. Another chance for us to make everything right, improve ourselves and REPENT for our past sins. We have to seek more on HIS love, aren’t we?

I just reached 21, and today I am 22, literally. It is a 2-days lap. Haha. Well, age is just an annual counting and it doesn’t give any much different. Human just get older in fact.

2014 isn’t a major New Year, Islamic calendar has turned 1435 and there’s less noisy celebration like previous midnight. Blessful things always in silence, right? I guess so.

In fact, ignoring all the fireworks sounds, handphone’s notifications, students’ screaming- I don’t know why they screamed – excited? (and a series of door-knocking), I just sleep all the night until wee hours of the morning. What a fresh feeling when I woke up and I started to do some minor revision. Not long after that..headache attacked. Again! First headache on the first January. Great.

I remembered that I didn’t eat the whole yesterday and some irregular and disturbed sleeps. It worsen my headache. I can’t wait to finish all these and breathe in some fresh air and times somewhere out of this circle.

I remember how good mak abah take care of me that I can never take care of myself like they did. So, what is your 2014’s goal and dreams?

Mine is just “take a really good care of myself”. It is rare, I know.  a.aaa-Be-Positive

Chalkboard

Bismillah.

Tada! Chalkboard theme for my blog. Its not that vogue and mind-blowing theme but it gave me sentimental value!

It reminds me of my childhood time, my school-time, and my long journey in this life. (dunya is not long,for sure :0 )

I played “teacher-teacher” game in my childhood time! Some act like a teachers and some are students.And, of course there is more punishment than the lessons.Its amazingly interesting and exciting,should recommend to the childs nowadays instead of just project out their fingers on the ipad or whatsoever tablets.

Next, it reminds me how nice I felt when I can write something on the chalkboard during my school time,something like true answer from my teachers’ questions.It reminds me when I taught my fellas about some subjects for revision, and I just feel good when they hear me what I’m going to talk. Even sometimes, I myself didn’t quite understand what I’m talking 😛

That’s my school time.

As I grew, no more chalkboard or blackboard. Its now whiteboard and marker pen. Clearly analogise how life is going on.

Sometime, I don’t know what to write on the whiteboards. I afraid if what I am going to write will be laughed at. I am no more simply write on. I must think before write. Think about how people see my writing, how they think about me and the most important is how they will react upon my writing.I have to bear in mind that, I am not write in front of my childhood friends who didn’t care at all what I  will write and talk.

Sometime, I simply took the marker pen without seeing “permanent” or “whiteboard” type. If I write something wrong with permanent pen, I will be struggled to erased them off. But, if I wrote something true with “whiteboard” pen, I just hope the pen will  turn into “permanent” type so that no one can erase it. I want the writing stay.

You hope that you is “permanent” pen that wrote on your someone’s whiteboard. So that it is hardly to erase.

But sometimes, it fails. Rain,storm,changing day and years, your writing will be fade off.You just will be amazed how quick the writing fade. So, dont write too much. Somehow, it will disappear some day.

And you will be sad, disappointed and that sort of feelings.

So,keep living and smiling.Create your own whiteboard. Life is permanent pen. Sketch and write well.

Allah knows best.

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Ameen Ya Rabbal’alamin