“Research and Me” story

Research field and me is like water and oil. Could never blend in no matter how strong you shake and mix it. I didn’t know how incompatible I am with Research until I discovered it myself recently. That’s the reason why I quitted my Master Degree. Haha. Yes, Izni quitted her Master. *applause*

It took me two sleepless nights just to think whether it is a good decision or not. I was thinking how could I voiced it to my perfectionist supervisor ( I dont want to just run away without telling her),what will she say to me, and how I’m gonna answer her and bla bla bla.

Then, I came to a decision. I don’t care. If it makes me unhappy, I will just quit. Fortunately, I’m not dragging myself too far, or else it would be too late. To make it short, she approved me. I can’t help but smiling all the day. The feeling was like..when you bumped into a fatal accident, and you helped the victim to come to the life again (with the power of Allah surely).

Now I’m far more happy with this life. I wasn’t expect that I would feel this happy. Even though there’s a thick mist I have to get through,still but enough said, I’m happy because at least I’m not engaged with research, protocol, and whatnot. All these make me suffocate.

I remembered how bold and innocent I was 4 or 5 years ago, when I had my very first job at a pump station nearby my home. I worked for 4 days before boldly met the manager (or supervisor, can’t remember)and told her that i will not come to work again tomorrow. I want to quit because I need to help my aunty with her kedai makan (lie! Lie! Haha).

You had no idea how tiring and incompatible I was with my very first job. I didn’t get any payment (dad always bragging this) but I don’t mind. As long as I quit the job and be happy again. Haha. That was a very childish deed don’t you think?

Since then, I have one thing to bear in mind. When I’m unhappy with a particular thing, I must do something. I will just do it.

Dear myself, you’re so lucky. I’m doing such a weird and shocking things just to make you happy and confident again to face life. Lucky you.

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The plot

Scrolling down social medias just to fit in the routine to see what everyone is up to. Not really interested in theirs but at least it gives me time to sit back, rest, and thinking. Day at work? Ugh, getting bored day by day, not much things could be done since the lobsters doesn’t seem to release their eggs yet.

While I’m settling down the mess unwashed plates in the sink, I remembered about the topic we discussed at Warung Mak Tam this afternoon. It was, again about life.

I think,  maybe the conclusion goes like this – it is your life, your story. It is up to you how to write it. Never let anything or anybody distract your writing. 

and for that,  I will stick to my story plot. Allah knows best indeed.

Lovely weather here. Enjoy yah :]

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addiction

Bismillah.

Sworn to Silence is my best bed time story. With over 320 pages, I can’t tell when will I finish it. 😀 Since Crime Scene Investigation (CSI) have been my evergreen favourite TV Programme (not to mention Law and Order, NCIS, and Sherlock Holmes are included), I am very much drown into this book. No matter how busy I am with my ‘official’ things, this book provides a great escape for me. It is about a murder of young woman in very gruesome, and slow ways. Then, the author give me a bunch of exciting moments when she wrote about autopsy,and how it made, medical term, re-create crime, and those related things. To write those lines, I swear she had done a lot of reading,watching and research before.

sworn_to_silence

 

Heard that it had been turned into movie? Or the movie turned into this book? I dont know. After all, it is a 2009’s book. Now I felt ancient.haha

but who cares then.

Morning coldness

Bismillah.

Woke up this morning and despite of coldness from the light rain outside, a weird feeling urges inside me. Something is empty and unfilled.

and I remembered about my ‘sleeping pen’ or ‘sleeping keyboard’ – It has been a long time since I didn’t write any stories,short or long stories. It is not my retarded imagination, maybe some passion lost with those wind.

Currently read a book by A. Samad Said and caught his precious line that really ‘talk’ to me.

” Rupa-rupanya membaca membenihkan kerinduannya sendiri. Dan tidak membaca terasa seperti gagal bercinta di zaman remaja”

Just in my current case, membaca is replaced by menulis.

About her

I cant help but keep reminding her that to get knowledge and to make all the knowledge barakah and useful, patience and sincerity are really matter.

Besides reviewing all the subjects, she also have to keep the good relationship with Allah and help improving herself,too. The mounting exams are not only what matter. She seems to realise that above all, relationship with Allah is the key.

When she feels like a looser,again, I have to motivate her to the fullest. I have to tell her that to get knowledge ; it is not that easy. So, some sacrifices will do. To get information ; yep too much easy. Knowledge and information; she knew the differences.

She, recently, love to open her apartment’s door widely in the morning. Especially when everybody is still on their bed. She closes her eyes and took a deep fresh morning air before smiling to the clouds ; sometime its blue and sometimes the clouds are still dark. She just enjoy the feels. Feeling of being fresh before going mess.

She loves to give a pat on her left shoulder when she can solve a problem or finish some chapters. When she is in fully-motivated mode,she will  write some quotes in colourful papers and stick them somewhere.

I just love seeing her motivated.She has too many dreams and she know that everything can be possible.

Emotion disturbance is a quite familiar symptom for her these days. It is just her mixed feeling of everything. She loves to open up the old diaries and read again and again what she wrote in the past few years. Years that full of something that absence in her life now. Now, she has no diary because she really don’t have anything to write on. If she did, she will tear off the paper and dump it into the dustbin. She has really nothing to write. These years are not those years.

That’s all about her.

This is not her. Somewhere from tumblr.
This is not hers.Taken from somewhere  in tumblr.