13 hours journey

Journey of 13 hours was finally ended. For the record, that was my longest bus ride ever along my 23 years of living. Yes, from Kedah to Kajang that usually took 6 hours, was being doubled due to the Eid and school holiday.

We reached Kajang around 3.30 in the morning, and took a taxi to my sister’s home. We were so tired and overslept until God-knows-when. Haha. Then, we continued our journey to UPM to ‘meet’ the beloved car by commuter, took another bus and bla bla bla we arrived UPM. Took the car, off to The Mines and finally to my college.

What a tiring day.

CKW asked me about the report and I had not finished it yet. Tomorrow onwards will be so busy for an Izni. I just need to do things seriously. Starting this week, I have to attend some classes too! I nearly forget about it. I must figure out the bus schedule. Hopefully I’m not gonna burden Sakinah anymore.

Recent news said that there’s flowing water on Mars. Does it means it has potential living organism on it? Surely it does if there’s water, right? Talking about this, I remembered one of my lecturers back then in my undergrad study, he said “Why bother what’s there on other planet? We’re not enough discover Earth”. I don’t know what were the other students felt, but I’m totally disagree with the lecturer. I don’t think we shouldn’t bother. For the sake of curiosity that exist in our helix, we need to bother and think about it. At least, that will remind us how Great Allah is.

past midnight

Past midnight and I was trying to keep my eyes stay on this one journal since we’ve to do the SWE test tomorrow. I don’t know how enough is enough, but I couldn’t concentrate anymore. Thinking of how long since I last wrote, so here it is. Well, it will be my first time running the treatment, a little nervous frankly. I know Mr Chan will ask me like a hill of questions and I probably know how I’ll react. Like blur all the time, as always.

These past two days, glad that Mr Chan was busy running his PhD thingy, so I can do my work calmly without his smart-question. It is amazing how I’m progressing here. Last two weeks, I am here without any single information about what’s this all about. Day after day, I’ve learned a lot of new things and did some lab works that I’d never known before. Meeting new peoples and friends (well, not much friend when you stepped into postgrad!) was just a different kind of vibes. I mean, I met and heard about great peoples, and yes I feel like a small fish in a big, wide pool.

Today, I met Prof, asking her to sign on several forms, and had a quick talk with her. I wonder why peoples hate her. I’ve heard a lot of bad stories regarding her, but talking with her inspiring me. I don’t know if I’m just a newbie in this circumstance, maybe the true colour of her didn’t come out yet – that was all they said – but so far, I’m proud of her works. She’s even motivated me on my master project. She assured me that I’ll be fine being here, that I should not be worry.

Maybe this thing goes like this. Successful/well-known people will always be the target. Everything that they did and said – all were watched and interpreted – and manipulated by the audiences. Selalunya, orang yang dikata, dikutuk atau dihina akan lebih berjaya daripada orang yang mengata, mengutuk dan menghina. Probably because orang yang mengata tu busy mengata, while orang yang dikata itu busy growing up, tepis everything and succeed. That’s how world works after all isn’t?

Oh, and Prof said something to me. She asked me to choose between two projects as my Master. I thought we were already locked the project in? So, I am in dilemma now. This is gonna be tough decision. Really tough one. I don’t know what to choose. Allah, please help me!

Really sleepy right now. Enough with the reading, I don’t know what will happen tomorrow. I hope I will survive through out the day. Through out the test.

Good night.

the thumbprint

Oh Crap! Crap!

I just knew that the thumbprint was actually used as my attendance record which lead to my paycheck at the end of the month. Meaning to say, every single day I have to scan my thumbprint at 8 am and again before return home, at 5 pm. I forgot that I’m actually working here instead of being a student. Hmm, okay. My bad.

So, it is a waste that I came here before without thumbprint. It has been 4- 5 days! I don’t know how much I lost on that. Nobody ever told me about that! Yeah, in this level nobody should never tell you anything, except asked.

Met Mr Chan, discussed about our project. He asked what I’ve read and I can see he started to compare me with his previous Diploma student. It was said that she (the Diploma student) is so talented in doing this and that tests and procedures. He said, “Why not you? I believe you can do better than her”

Seeing from a positive view, yes I’m all motivated in this – and I should prove that I’m not a wrong person they chosed (even I started to feel so).

*Got an old cell phone from my sis. The space memory is so disappointing that I couldn’t have my Instagram and Facebook in. and my LinkedIn and my Twitter and my WordPress and my BestFont and my Vscocam and my whatsoever apps that I used to have. But Alhamdulillah above all. :]

Student room

Institute of Bioscience, UPM

A pile of hopes

So, I told Nicky that June will be my last month of work. I had made a decision that I thought I would never make. Perhaps it would be the best decision I’d ever make for my self.

After a series of email session with the Professor, she asked me to meet her in person in order to discuss about the project. She said she had a project, she just wanna know if I’m agree with it. My jaw dropped when she wrote “…If you’re serious about working towards PhD with us, I can wait for our discussion..”. Okay. Is it a PhD invitation or what? haha.

Aku tak sangka yang benda ni boleh jadi this far. I’m not expecting that I could be this gamble. From Aquatic Science leap over to Nutrition – – if I was accepted, I will be the happiest human on earth. Nutrition is what I wanna go for all this time. I know what I want to do with it.

I understand this is a risky choice; I might have to burn a pile of midnight oil just to study the basis of it. I hope I am content enough going through every possible hardship along the phase.

Life, it’s been a little dull lately. I don’t know if this is what every twenty-something people should feel but I’m terribly do. I feel like wanna go out from here for a long while, to somewhere far away. A place where people don’t know my name..

I hope I will be accepted by the Prof.

I hope I can start creating my own world (not too late, I guess?).

I hope I can start a new life, forget all the dull scars.

I hope I can be at somewhere far, two or three years from now.

After graduation, what next? – a sequel

Bismillah.

As promised, this is a sequel to this post. About my uncertain decision and urm, future. Graduation is like born as white. It is up to ourselves how to paint it. What color we want to use, what technique we should apply on etc. So, here is the typical question that often being asked to me: to further your study or jump into the work career. This decision should not be a big matter to decide on, it is just me who exaggerate everything. Or there’s somebody out there that having the same problem as me? Hah. *Highfive!*

Further study.

If you choose this, you must be a person who love to study. Haha, for sure lah kan. You should by now has a topic to study on or keep planning everything, step by step. Apart from alllllll that, you must have this one: a solid NAWAITU. A clear major aim why do you want to study on this particular subject. This aim that you set prior everything will be your border when you feel like to quit someday later, or it will be as a pushing agent when you feel like you had been tear apart in a hurricane. A big WHY for you to keep standing.

For example, you want to do a further research on toxicology in our daily ecosystem just to provide a safe environment for public community to live in. It is a big and wise nawaitu. You want your research will become a drive cause for peoples to change. You demand for a better earth and health, and so you decide to study on that and make a change instead of waiting for changes to happen. So, it is true, being a scientist or researcher must have this strong aim. Further study to the next level must accompany by this type of strong aim.

Whatever your aim is, just find one. And work hard towards it, make it turn to be a reality.

Working circle.

Anyone that can’t wait to run out from the formal-student-environment? Then, find a work. As my friend said, if you keep studying when is the time you will get out and work? Funny question from her (or not? I think it’s funny. haha who cares), and yet made me think so much, and so deep. “Until when I will be surrounded by formal education system?”

Working is a non-formal education, where everything you learn on paper turn out into a reality screen. Working may serve us with more realistic problems and can make us more matured. Maybe? We had been in front of books and confront a series of exams; plus minus for about 15 years. Let see what the 15-years-study experiences plus a degree certificate can bring up. What they can contribute?

Working, other than to get those type of experiences; it is the best way to start saving, support our families member that need money for daily expenses. This might be imply on a not-too-rich people like me. Maybe I should start saving, and postpone my burning fire to study?

After some times, we can always apply to further our study.Right? – as long as we still have the fuel, the spirit.

Indie-worker. Work from home. Or whatever work that doesn’t control me, doesn’t assign some hours of mine as somewhat called as “office hours”, doesn’t restrict me with bunch of nonsense regulations and protocols. I dream of having the job. No other way except creating my own business. But, long before that, I have to find some experiences as a foundation for me to create that.

On that time, as I’m not restricted with those office hours things, I can be a full housewife, educate peoples of my home, and at the same time, managing my own business. What is more wonderful other than that? I should be planning by now.

Let us think so deeply, so deep until we know what is our aim living in this world, and try to achieve the aim starting from now.

I – compared to the time I wrote this, now, I have at least, something on my mind. Something. Maybe I should work on that. Dreams do turn reality, I know.

fly_away_by_zoewiezo-d36p22c
after you get your wing, where do you want to fly?

There should be a thing that wandered around your mind? Justify and lead it to a destination.

After graduation, what next?

Graduation.

Day by day, it getting closer and for me, it is not the most important occasion in my entire life. Yes, in a sense, it is important and a huge matter. But not if compared to “what I will do after I graduated” thoughts that had been haunting me since..erm since my first year. Haha. Okay, I know it was too early to think about that on my first year of study. The thought just keep on and on until recently, I realized that it shouldn’t left floated on my cage of mind. I ought to think it deeply.

I am not excited to graduate until I know what would be my next. I mean, until I know what I should do after graduated. I am not used to this. It’s weird for not having a goal, or a single idea that I confident with. I want back my passion in creating ambition.

So, I asked so many people about what I should do (although I know it is funny to ask people about our destiny and our life). Nothing got me satisfied. Their answers were just “what do you want to be?” , “Follow your desire” etc etc which I felt like “wait, did you just throw the question back to me?”, and I ashamedly answered in my heart –  I don’t know.

Few days ago, I asked my best mate while we were walking around. She asked me to work. But, I love, deadly love to study (*the thing is – I don’t know what to study on. haha) And her explanations are reasonable.

She said “until WHEN you want to study? Until you get old and older? Get out, and get a life”

“Until when?” Hah.

Snap.

“Until when?”

Seriously, this post will be continued

Travelling? I'm so in!
Travelling? I’m so in!

three in a row

Bismillah

It is my fault, I think. I should not ignore them for too long. It is a precious lesson and I will be more serious in the second batch. I just feel, doing something following regulations and procedures make me sick. I hate following guidelines or timetable, they restrict me and my life.

But I won’t give up that easy.  As the saying goes, experience is the past tense of experiment. It is normal having some absurdity; I will do better next time. Will try to put myself under “timetable”.

Met En Nasa just now, I realized it has been ages since I didn’t go to his office and talk for hours. He never run out of topic and always has something to talk. At the end of this month, he will fly to Ireland, pursuing his study and will return back as Dr Nasa. Wow! Proud of you. Wishing you all the best and do send me some gift from there! 😀

I am thinking what organisms I should culture? They need some research plans from the applicant. What about culture oyster to harvest pearl? I can open some jewellery shops someday. haha.

1459843_662896137081825_1579970424_nAnd also, today is the exact date of this blog anniversary. I just received this :

Untitled

and Oki Setiana Dewi is married! Her husband must be the luckiest man on earth. Beautiful and intelligent muslimah. She is such a role model, at least for me.

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That’s it. Three in a row story.

some rubbish.

image
have a “date-symptom” (again?) . It’s actually 10 Jan, I wrote 07 Jan, Really, its unconscious -_-

Some rubbish sketching right after my final paper – on my second last semester. I just did my best and I know Allah will do the rest.

Hope everything goes well, and Alhamdulillah, got another chance to stay in college for my last semester. I thought I’d lose that chance.

It’s not end yet, I have another mountain of work to settle up before return back to my root. Works can’t never get done,huh?

*Let lift up the pen. I’m addicted to live inside that bubble again!*

“motivitamin”

Bismillah.

Like reaching out from a dark pitch tunnel, finally I can write again after a series of problem in loading this blog. Wonder what is actually happened.

Today is like a huge revelation. Revelation of uncertainty decision and whatever things that keep haunted me silently. I received a chronologies of motivational talks today and that was really made myself revitalize.

Started when I accompanied my friend to meet her mentor, Prof Shabdin. Apart of his hometown is Kedah, he is charming in his own style. I mean, not physically but in his words of wisdom. The way he talks and how he advices and motivates his students is enough to put him on top of the role model list. He truly is, indeed. At least, for me.

After their mentor-mentee session and after my long time silent in a chair at the corner, finally I took apart in the conversation. Then, it was when Prof Shabdin started to give his golden story and words. I can’t resist any story of him. They are worth to listen, like forever. How I wish to put them on a tape and re-listen it whenever I feel down.

He told us about his sweet and savoury life, especially when he was doing his master and phD. It makes me amused listening to his story and I left his room with a thought of “See? Allah already planned us a worth – riding journey”. All the problems, painful events that ever happened in our life is actually a seed. A fruitful seed that make us grow and be better. Whenever you is being scolded, isolated, hated, condemned, and thousands more things that made you pissed off, just keep in calm. I once looked down at the power of “Keep Calm” (clumsy me), until recently I tried to understand the meaning beyond the word.

It really is. Keep calm has power and know what? We can’t really solve our problem by keep thinking about it. It never been solved in that way. First thing first, you need to relocate your focus and try to “switch off” your brain. That’s all what we need. To relocate our focus, then it comes to the power of remembrance of Allah. That is the ultimate focus that we should give to.

Everything is a test and who give the test?

Switch off the brain is actually “sleep”. Prof said that one of his friend can’t even fall asleep at night due to his endless working mind. I am included into the zone, sometime.

That’s only a quarter part. Another part he gave is a family-oriented talk. I assumed it as his own experience sharing. “Topic” covered is like marriage during study and how to cope with personal problem, hardship in building our personality, parents and things like that. I found it interesting and yes, it is very important to organise them well. It can’t be planned just like ABC.

Following that, I called my mom right after Isya. Her voice always make me happy and motivated. Felt like I’m being here for a century. Counting days to meet all of them and I know I have to walk through a long journey before back in there. Mom said the same like what Prof Shabdin said. Exactly the same. She really wants to see me as a lecturer in the future. But, I am a bit sceptical in being involved in educational field. I know it is a noble job, but it is not the problem. The problem is I don’t know what is my problem in being so sceptical. Haha. Till here, my first Mid-term’s exam is tomorrow.

A lot more to revise and I don’t want to burn the midnight oil.

"the-reason-why"
“the-reason-why”

Moment

Bismillah.

Here it is. Packing my goods to return to the Land of the Hornbills. About 2 months plus being here, I can say that it is a meaningful holiday as a lots of things happen, a lot of first-time events, and a lot of things and situation changed,too. Supposedly, this holiday should be used to write my FYP proposal and whatsoever things involved, but I am not in that mood yet. I mean, this is holiday. One and only time left to be at home, surrounding by family, and you ask me to stay sit, read and read and eat and sleep?

This holiday marked my first time of driving with abah’s permission as before this, he was too woried about me when I hold the steering. Whenever I am driving, he must be at my side. Talking and ordering, which is actually a mountain of advices, which is actually a way of expressing his ultimate love for me,hehe i am a lucky daughter. As I’m not used to drive frequently after getting the license, he worried if I can’t drive properly, parked properly, use the proper road and so so so. I know I can do it if I am confident. So, now, I can drive freely. Abah already put his condidence on me and I should drive more frequent after this,right? 😀

Early during the holiday, was my first time feeling the awesomeness of a train. Haha, went KL by train, I thought train will be so messy and crowded like one I saw in Bollywood’s movie. But then, the thought just flew ayay. It is far better than I thought.

Not to forget, Iismy first time of working in a longer time.Haha! My first-previous-work took only my four days,and after that, I resigned. Weird thing about me is just I cant do the same work day by day. I hate it.

But, this time, I worked for 11 days, which is far more better than the four days.Of course la kan,hehe. Well, working in a boutique is not that bored as I thought. It is bored,sometimes. But maybe I love promoting, and dealing with customers, it is okay for me to work in a longer time.

It made me realised that, to work under other peoples (employer) does not give me much joy and freedom, and because of that, Intan, Nabilah and I planned to own a business,someday. InsyaAllah! One thing that I realised whenever we in trio sit together, we started to build and think of a dream. Dream by dream, firing up by the urge and desperation to fulfill them,well, I have to say that I love to live with a dream. After all, reality blocks are made up by a single dream,right?

and something has changed too.

Till then, my luggage seems can’t be zipped up, and departure time is keep ticking and ticking. A new life waiting, and I will return here someday, as a new person, hopefully. Pray so that I can graduate on time!

and why it is raining and raining outside? I guess it’s saying “goodbye,will miss you,do the best” to me.

Thanks, rain! and did I mentioned to you that all your water droplet look gorgeous when it touches my window and the gorund?