A plain soul claimed for its right

The reasons why I hardly write. Okay that sounds like a lazy person who justifies why she didn’t produce any writing. Judgement aside, it’s true, there are some reasons why I hardly write nowadays regardless how crazy my soul rotting for it.

I didn’t mean to blame my work schedule. But the shit just got real, I’ve been so tired of making money to pay for the stupid bills. I love the job, but I’m dying from sitting all day long and repeating the same routine. The job is good, undeniable. This is the longest period of working I’ve ever experienced. Everytime I come back from work, I turn into a wilt spinach. Some ‘lucky’ days, I will just sleep from 8.30 pm to 7.30 am on the next morning and start my work routine again. Writing in between these situation? Hell no.

My sister and I- we exchanged our laptops. Her laptop has no Microsoft word, Kingsoft Office is not working. If I wanna write something, I will have to open up my OneNote account which requires internet – which I always tend to drift away – end up watching Bizarre Food by Andrew Zimmern on YouTube (or make-up tutorials which I’ve never tried). Writing on phone? I don’t like it.

I guess those 2 are the major reasons why. Anyhow, I still want to write. I have a tonne of story to tell, I don’t want this plain soul anymore, I want to write like I used to.

that means..I have to find a way to be back on track.

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2 years and counting

ann

Thanks WordPress for the reminder. I barely remember the exact born-date of this little buddy! So today is her anniversary, it has been two years already! Yosh!

Two years ago – on this date, it was my semester break. I touched down my homeland and was home alone in the next morning (working-day for everyone), starred on my laptop screen, thinking of something that I’ve been secretly wished for. Own a blog! Writing! Day-to-day self-expression, pouring thoughts! and just with that, it was (finally) born 😀

Writing on WordPress is totally unplanned at the very first time. I couldn’t remember why I chose WordPress instead of Blogspot, Blog, Webs, etc. All I remember is just signed up for an account, and bragged it to Denah.Haha. And she suddenly wanna owned one too (she signed up, but seldom update anything. Denah, I’m waiting for your blog entry 😛 )

.. and the rest is history.

Happy anniversary my little loyal buddy! Let’s make the world a better place to live :]

p/s : this is the 563rd post!

Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits always before or behind.

– Catherine Drinker Bowen –

back in reality

Back in to the other side of reality. Writing.

Enough of the four-hollow-months ; the most non-productive writing period (for what ever reason, let not discuss about it) even though the ideas fall freely from the sky, it is ignorance that spoiled everything. Enough of that.

So, today I picked up the notebook and a pen which rested down deep inside my bag (glad that I found one!) and jotted down some plans that I need to work them out. One writing contest, three manuscript submissions – and the deadlines are all at early 2015. And well, here I am still figure it out how to start completing all these.

Fulfilled the term and condition of the publisher and the contest party, I couldn’t post any of the writings here, on this personal blog or any website, or anywhere on earth before I handed the manuscripts out. It is a right procedure, to respect the copyright kind of thing. I agreed, but the main problem is me, who can’t resist the urge to share up here when some stories are completed! haha. Please pray for the urge to calm a little bit down.

Besides short stories, maybe this is the time when I should spread out my  wing a bit more wider? I mean, maybe I should write a novel? Hoho. Writing a novel really need a good rhythm, discipline and consistency. I remembered some of my short stories await for their sequel. Haha, now where are the discipline and consistency and whatnot go to? Anyway, pray for the best. One step at a time.

I have to move on into another big step. Minus out all the bad-black memories and hopeless imaginations and expectations. I really need a move-on pill. Not much time left.

Oh, today is mom’s birthday. She is amazing and the best, strongest person I’ve ever met. Being an event manager to plan out the birthday surprise, haha it is one of the many sweet memories today. Anyway, thanks mom for being you. You’re amazing :]

“Pramoedya Ananta Toer”

Pramoedya Ananta Toer

Okay, I was quite behind. Why I never heard of this name before?

He is an Indonesian writer, his book had been translated into more than 30 languages.  and this time I don’t want to read the English version. I wonder where I could get a copy of his book. Is it still being published? I wanna read in its original language, or in simple Indonesian language.

Happened to read a quote from “Anak Semua Bangsa” written by him, and it keep staining.He must be a great writer! Is he is an Indonesian’s Hemingway? I wonder.

This thick book

Finally I’ve finished this 495-pages book. Short stories written by A. Samad Said started from his early involvement (1954) until my born year. Can’t imagine he produced masterpieces while I’m just started to see the world.

Took a month plus to finish this. *alternated reading. He wrote on life. Most of the stories are the process in living a life, which some of them we mistook for granted. His words – in this book ; are not too complicated nor so- called flowery as claimed as some peoples when they heard his name. He wrote with every detail and his stories are sometimes simple.

image

Inspired.

the story

There’s a folder where I keep everything I wrote. Often, I hate re-read my writing, kind of humiliating. It is like when a singer can’t bear listening to her own voice, something like that. But, I don’t know, today I opened the folder and pointed my cursor to a story that I wrote in December last year. It is “Jika Kau tiba di Pantai” short story. It is a story that is very close to my heart, and one of the stories that I wrote effortlessly.

I can feel the strong connection with the story.  It is not a thing that humiliated me – to my surprised, haha.

It reminds me of All Time Low’s song – Therapy.

Sunday post

Had a morning walk alone today. A bright blue sky with golden mild sunrays, what a perfect day. Few days left before I return to the Land of the Hornbills, surely will miss all my routine here. But it is okay, I just can’t wait to accomplish the mission! I have to finish everything that I’ve started.

Hanging out at 1 Malaysia’s bookstore, which was my first time. Well, not bad. Read a bundle of poems, and synopsis of some novels. Wish to have a book of poem collections. When I read poem, it’s like I live in a dark, slow and silent world. I’m trying hard to know the meaning behind. So much merged. Melancholy and metaphors – it is difficult to not fall in love with them.

I started to write on a genre that I deadly hearted, but with slow progress. It is quite difficult to translate all those ideas into words. Maybe I stopped for too long, but I will try getting back the rhythm. Pray yeah!

this morning, the leaves fall. Yellow, and some are wrinkled, rotten golden. I know, being them is painful. Falling from the tree,and being step on by humans - is't painful? Love to hear from you soon. Tell me if it is painful, because you look beautiful.

this morning, the leaves fall.

Yellow, and some are wrinkled, rotten golden.

Falling from the tree, and being step on by human – is’t painful?

Tell me if it is painful, because you look beautiful in that way.

Love to hear from you soon, leaves.

addiction

Bismillah.

Sworn to Silence is my best bed time story. With over 320 pages, I can’t tell when will I finish it. 😀 Since Crime Scene Investigation (CSI) have been my evergreen favourite TV Programme (not to mention Law and Order, NCIS, and Sherlock Holmes are included), I am very much drown into this book. No matter how busy I am with my ‘official’ things, this book provides a great escape for me. It is about a murder of young woman in very gruesome, and slow ways. Then, the author give me a bunch of exciting moments when she wrote about autopsy,and how it made, medical term, re-create crime, and those related things. To write those lines, I swear she had done a lot of reading,watching and research before.

sworn_to_silence

 

Heard that it had been turned into movie? Or the movie turned into this book? I dont know. After all, it is a 2009’s book. Now I felt ancient.haha

but who cares then.

Ideas

Bismillah.

After The Day Before by Lisa Schroeder (I think, it was back then some months ago,very long time ago) I always and still finding a chance to buy her book again. But, I never found them.

One thing that I love her writing is that – she writes something near to my heart,very near. I can feel them as if they talked to me,closely. I can read them in 2 days, or maybe just in one day if full attention were given. The Day Before came in different way, not like the other novels. They are written in short rhythm like poem (but it’s not poem) and the message beyond those lines..how I wish to write like that too. But seems something is stuck inside,I just don’t understand why. Hope I can be back to normal,again. A normal me when I see things, my back side of my mind will be actively create things and stories.

Yesterday – At library, I walked through out all the book shelfs since there’s a group of Indian keep talking and chatting that really annoyed me (hey, this is library.Ok?) and happened to found an awesome book entitled Caffeine for the Creative Mind : 250 Exercises to wake up your brain. Creatively written with creative ideas and thoughts! Not to mention, the book itself is about CREATIVE!

Who is creative?

Did you?

I am not?

heh.throw all those humble shit of thoughts. In fact, EVERYONE is creative. Yes, you are creative. Me too. Everyone. In its purest form, a ‘creative’ is anyone who CREATES. Creating anything. If you make something, you are creative. If nothing existed and then you appeared and then something existed chances are you created it. So, we are creatives.The only things that differentiates those-we-think-are-truly-creative from us is execution.

We all generate ideas, but FEW act upon those ideas, realise those ideas, or execute those ideas. Everyone has them but not everyone ANNOUNCE and TALK about them.What keeps people from communicating their ideas?Mostly FEAR. Afraid that if we share our ideas, we will be rebuked by others. It is natural.

It is hard to believe that our ideas is worth announced. So, that’s why they will be keep in silence, no announcement, sharing, no nothing. In personal, I am that type of people. Feeling that my ideas is too good to be announced. How arrogant is that? Haha. Need to make some revisions on Japanese characters. Will have a short quiz this evening. Hope I will remember them well. InsyaAllah.